Safety Tips For Female Diversity Hire U.S. Navy Pilots
Just a friendly reminder to all the honorable female U.S. Navy Diversity hire pilots currently operating in the powerful EA-18G Growler jet, don’t forget these aircraft have ejection seats.
If you get confused with spatial perception issues while flying, first put down your cell phone and stop texting your hairdresser. You do have an ejection seat.
The ejection seat is a type MK 14 designed for this aircraft and also it is used in the F/A-18 and T-45. So ladies make sure you are properly seated, comfortable and fully strapped in with your seat belt on. Kick off your stiletto heals before climbing into the cockpit.
Your body harness should be comfortable and not interfering with your brand new Victoria’s Secret bra assuming you took the price tag off to avoid uncomfortable underarm rubbing while flying.
You will also have a life support system and helmet so keep your eyelashes to a minimum length so you can see with the helmet on and allow plenty of space for the helmet visor to close.
Now ladies if you are flying your EA-18G growler over mountains set your ejection seat to this particular mode of terrain. You have a choice of auto or dual mode. Very important as your NFO (Navy Flight Officer) EWOS is depending on your due diligence.
If you are too short to see out of the aircraft window feel free to sit on your stack of old Victoria Secrets catalogs for added elevation but make sure your knees don’t interfere with the ECF switches.
As I said, while flying this particular aircraft ladies a pilot who gets into a problem can eject quickly while flying between zero and 50,000 feet at zero to nearly 700 mph.
So don’t panic if you drop your nail polish while inverted as you do have a way out if your $4 pink nail polish bottle from Walmart gets jammed up into the electronics disrupting your flight pattern.
Also another scenario. If the female pilot gets overcome with nail polish odors filling the cockpit you can still escape the plane by pulling the ejection seat handle. It’s a yellow and black ring between your legs.
Take your time running your hand down between your legs and locate the CAD. It will ignite the rocket motor which will give you a really fast ride out of the plane, effectively saving your life and no doubt you will you will scream louder than your high school prom memory under the bleachers.
The CAD (Cartridge Activated Device) once activated will slide the female pilot up the rails resulting in a small parachute deployment.
So as you eject from the plane the motor will stabilize the ejection seat oscillations bringing you flashbacks from your last date with the Squadron Commander as you seek that early promotion to lieutenant commander as he writes your annual evaluation.
Also, as you leave the plane the lower seat will stay attached to the female pilot’s once green now liquid brown flight suit pants. Also give up trying to retrieve your nail polish and cell phone.
Once you safely land via the gnarly parachute hopefully the female pilot did not trade out the survival gear for
her make-up bag.
The female pilot would also have MK-124 flares (seven count) a URT-140 radio beacon, a knife, shroud cutter, strobe, flashlight, medical kit, signal mirror and a whistle.
A letter of instruction should also be included for the female pilots as a reminder that these items are for search and rescue and survival purposes and not for putting on make-up and trimming finger nails after the scary parachute ride after ejection.
If you are too scared to pull the ejection seat because you are scared of heights and it’s cold outside or you do not have the physical strength to pull the CAD after your $67 million dollar Growler jet gets into trouble then obviously you have the alternative choice of crashing and burning with the plane but the Navy does have outstanding life insurance for your family.
©2024 Geoff Ross. All rights reserved.
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