We sit in the theatre, waiting, the air thick with anticipation and the smell of popcorn and broken dreams. There aren’t that many people, surprisingly. A few superfans are dressed up as obscure alien characters we don’t recognize. The movie comes on. It is a confusing CGI spectacle. The plot is unclear. We wonder why […]
For the second year in a row, The Babylon Bee is proud to present our coveted Christian of the Year award to Donald J. Trump. Each year since this award was conceived, which was last year, we recognize one Christian who stood head and shoulders above the rest, fighting for the gospel and defending the […]
We try to stay out of politics at The Babylon Bee, as your favorite unbiased Christian news source (but sometimes Ocasio-Cortez just makes it too easy). But we can’t hold it in any longer: in this stunning and brave editorial, our editorial board is now declaring that everyone in Washington must be removed from office. […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—House Democrats were feeling bad about the fact that impeachment isn’t going to accomplish anything, since the Senate will definitely acquit Donald Trump. But then Nancy Pelosi got an idea: passing out “I Voted to Impeach Trump” stickers to every Democrat who votes for impeachment. “It’s a kind of participation trophy, I guess,” she […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The two articles of impeachment leveled against President Trump were originally announced to be abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. These didn’t poll very well, however, so Democrats went back to the drawing board to come up with something that might play well with their base of radicals. Nancy Pelosi announced Monday that […]
HONG KONG—Many have criticized climate activist Greta Thunberg for lecturing Western countries on their inaction on climate change when most of the pollution comes from developing countries like China and India. Well, Greta has finally gone to Hong Kong to address what she believes to be a major source of carbon emissions: the Hong Kong […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats stateside were watching closely as UK election results came in Thursday. They wanted to see how the Labour Party did so they could learn from any mistakes they made. Well, sure enough, Labour endured a brutal massacre, losing seats they didn’t even know they had. So, Democrats vowed to learn from their obvious […]
U.S.—Legislators have begun to hold hearings on impeaching Santa Claus after an overheard conversation seemed to imply he was offering a quid pro quo: gifts in exchange for good behavior. FBI agents spied on Claus at various malls as he repeatedly said things like, “Sure, I’ll get you a pony. But first, I need you […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Amid heated debate in Washington over President Trump’s border wall, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has weighed in, ruling that construction on the U.S.-Mexico border wall can proceed, so long as it is “short enough that a pregnant woman carrying a child in each arm could be expected to scale […]
U.S.—Democrats unveiled their articles of impeachment against President Trump, but one of the charges seems to have backfired. The suggestion that Trump obstructed Congress turned out to be a far more popular idea than Democrats had predicted. As soon as it was revealed that Trump may have slowed the legislative branch from getting any work done, […]
U.S.—A new study found that most people would rather be annihilated by a giant tidal wave caused by climate change than continue to be lectured by climate change activists. Study participants were given the option of having the earth flooded by massive tidal waves or listening to virtue-signaling, smarmy lectures by environmentalists for the next decade. […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—House Democrats today announced a new plan to ensure Trump wins the White House again in 2020. “We hereby unveil these articles of impeachment, which clearly lay out the undeniable fact that we will not win the White House back next year,” said Rep. Jerry Nadler. “We have found Trump guilty of absolutely nothing, […]
BURBANK, CA—Marvel has confirmed that the villain in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 will be the deadliest, toughest foe Star-Lord and the gang have had to face yet: single-use plastic water bottles. The Guardians of the Galaxy will travel from planet to planet while destroying plastic made with harmful fossil fuels and destined for landfills. “The […]
HOLLYWOOD, CA—During a recent interview with Out And Proud Magazine, Rise of Skywalker director J.J. Abrams hinted that the hotly-anticipated 9th installment of the Star Wars saga would include more clear LGBTQ representation, in the form of a lesbian AT-AT. “Star Wars has always been about representing diversity.” Abrams said, “Whether it was giving all the white characters medals […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an effort to prove that impeachment is constitutionally sound and definitely not a politically motivated circus performance, Rep. Jerrold Nadler called on his final witness of the day: renowned legal scholar Hillga Clintonheimer. Dr. Clintonheimer teaches at Lund University in Sweden. The legal scholar was flown out by the Judiciary Committee to give […]