SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Kamala Harris, the nation’s most famous cop, has been demoted to meter maid in reaction to her failed presidential campaign. As soon as she dropped out of the presidential race, she was called into the office of her police chief. “I’m going to need your gun and badge,” her chief said before handing […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
U.S.—A fun new “Greta on the Shelf” doll will watch you every day and fly back to the UN each night to report your climate sins to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. The doll is equipped with eye sensors programmed to detect activities that are harmful to the environment. “Greta sees you when you’re […]
U.S.—Many have criticized Joe Biden’s new campaign slogan, “No Malarkey,” for being out of touch and old-fashioned. But new polls show that the slogan is actually a huge hit among the working class in the 1920s. While a minority said Trump was their man and a few liked some of the other Democratic candidates, over […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today. The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turkey’s head and the bird lacked opposable thumbs with which to operate a […]
ATLANTA, GA—In this week’s Democratic debate, a wide gap emerged between the candidates as they laid out their competing visions to cripple the country’s economy. In a crowded field, the Democratic candidates are scrambling to set themselves apart as the one with the most effective plan to crush our economic growth. Elizabeth Warren claimed to […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bernie Sanders has promised that Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will play a key role in his White House if he’s elected, saying he will put her in charge of math. Sanders said he will create a Department of Math that will make sure everyone knows math and figure out ways to bend mathematical realities to […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The exciting new TV show Impeachment Inquiry was poised to take the ratings by storm, promising to eclipse all the other shows in its time slot. But the show will be canceled after one season, like a lot of bad TV shows and also Firefly. After just five rocky episodes that failed to deliver any major plot […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The impeachment hearings have been thrown into chaos after President Trump announced that he supports impeachment, forcing Democrats to oppose their own impeachment inquiry. “Impeachment? I’m for it. Great idea. Best idea, maybe ever,” he said, adding that he’s “getting kinda sick of all this winning anyway.” “Sure, why not. Impeach me. I love […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In honor of the impeachment hearings beginning this week, the Capitol Building has been decorated to look like a giant circus tent. As soon as congressional maintenance staff heard that the impeachment hearings were going to begin, they went into storage and got out “the Big Top,” also used during the Kavanaugh hearings last […]
UK—In an interview with the BBC, Hillary Clinton said she is being urged to run for president in 2020 by “many, many, many” voices in her head. “I’m under enormous pressure from many, many, many voices in my head to think about it,” she said. She went on, elaborating on all the voices that echo inside […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A new mural in downtown San Francisco of Swedish teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg has a surprise for passersby: her eyes are equipped with high-powered lasers designed to seek and destroy carbon-emitting SUVs on the streets below. “We want the mural to really make a positive impact in the fight against climate change,” a […]
U.S.—Kamala Harris has unveiled her latest amazing policy proposal: having parents drop their kids off at government schools when they turn 5 and not picking them up until they turn 30. The proposal would have parents bid goodbye to their children when they drop them off at kindergarten and not see them again until they […]
IRAQ—Archaeologists working near the ancient Fertile Crescent made a stunning discovery Friday morning: the AR-15 Cain used to kill Abel as recorded in the Bible. Scholars have long suspected Cain could not have committed history’s first murder without access to some kind of assault weapon since guns are the root of all violence. Now, there’s […]
PORTLAND, OR—Local socialist millennial man Matthew Hatter lamented Monday that there are no concrete examples of socialism he can point to in order to have some kind of idea how it would turn out. “If only there were other countries that have tried socialism before,” Hatter said to a friend at an ethical coffee shop, […]
CHICAGO, IL—Former President Barack Obama caused a stir while speaking at a summit in Chicago. He called out “cancel culture,” telling people that doing things like being “judgmental” and “casting stones” wasn’t helping anyone and was just causing further divisions. This caused immediate outrage from the left. “So now he doesn’t want us judging NAZIS?!” […]