WASHINGTON, D.C.—The official DHS Disinformation Governance Board, more popularly known as the Ministry of Truth, confirmed today their latest disinformation findings: Rachel Levine is a woman. The declaration occurred at a press conference held this morning at the Ministry’s gigantic, pyramid-shaped, 1000-foot-tall building that towers over Washington. “There’s a lot of disinformation going around out there, with […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Department of Homeland Security has formed the Disinformation Governance Board to bravely combat incorrect opinions on the internet. According to sources, the board’s Executive Director Nina Jankowicz has appointed Hunter Biden to sit on the board for a salary of $50,000 per month. “We are proud to welcome Hunter to our Ministry of Tr– […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first official act, the new DHS Government Disinformation Board ruled today that all criticism of the Government Disinformation Board is disinformation. This comes in response to sharp criticism from conservatives, which they say is untrue and unwarranted. “The new board has barely begun its work and already many have jumped to the […]
Netflix has seen the writing on the wall. With subscribers leaving in droves, they’re announcing some new shows they’re hoping will entice you to subscribe to their service again! Here are 9 epic shows they’re really hoping will bring you back: 1) Cuties 2: Netflix’s signature classic is back in this much-anticipated sequel! 2) Gilmore Boys: Want to […]
ATLANTA, GA—Despite the lifting of mask mandates across the United States, Democrats have chosen to continue their proud tradition of wearing white masks to show their political affiliation. “Mandate or not, I’m still wearing a mask to show others what side of the political aisle I am on,” said liberal democrat Snoddly McGuberson while proudly […]
The choice to murder your own offspring for convenience is a fundamental human right. Without choice, you might as well be, like, a handmaid in The Handmaid’s Tale! Fortunately, Hollywood is dedicated to producing hundreds of pro-choice films every year to preach the pro-choice message and protect this right for all! Here are some of the most […]
CNN+ will be shutting down on April 30, just a month after its rocky start. Truly, its candle burned out long before its legend ever will. Take a gander at these eighteen things that lasted longer than CNN+: 1) A gallon of milk 2) Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign 3) Two weeks to stop the spread 4) Firefly 5) Housefly 6) Brief, […]
Florida legislature has revoked Disney’s self-governing status which means that some bold new changes are on the way. Disneyland in California will remain a popular site for human trafficking but the Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL is going to experience a dramatic overhaul. Take a look at these exciting changes on the way: 1) […]
The mask mandates have ended and life is returning to normal (unless you don’t fly and live in the half of the country that has been normal for two years). It can be difficult, though, to suddenly see all those triggering human faces after the government coddled you and fed your psychotic delusion and fear […]
SACRAMENTO, CA—The California Department of Education has rejected 100% of biology textbooks from the state’s public school curriculum because they perpetuate outdated backward ideas that there are only two genders, said Governor Gavin Newsom on Monday. “Children are the future,” said Gov Newsom in a statement to the press. “It is inappropriate that we share these stone-age […]
U.S.—Democrats have explained that they absolutely do not want billionaires controlling our media, unless those billionaires are named Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Michael Bloomberg, Warren Buffett, or George Soros—along with about a thousand other names, according to sources. “Elon Musk buying Twitter would represent a dangerous new world where billionaires who disagree with […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter’s board of directors has elected to block an attempt from an African American immigrant to purchase the company. According to sources, they decided they would rather destroy their own company than see it in the hands of an African American. “Over my dead body!” said angry board member Foghorn Callaway, twirling his mustache and shaking […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden was bewildered on Monday when his old arch-enemy Corn Pop was spotted at the White House during an event celebrating the passage of the Affordable Care Act 12 years prior. Biden reportedly pulled secret service agents aside and told them to keep an eye on the man who he called a “bad […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Barack Obama has returned to the White House after growing tired of working remotely. The President said it was time to work in the Oval Office once again, after over a year of being the president from his Martha’s Vineyard estate. “Normally, a President can only hold office for 2 terms,” said Barack Obama to other […]
KYIV—In a devious 4D chess move, Vladimir Putin has ordered all his armored divisions to fly Planned Parenthood flags so no one will criticize them for committing unthinkable genocide against innocent people. “It is very simple,” said Putin. “Eliminating Ukrainian civilians is healthcare. I am just a pro-choice activist exercising my right to eliminate all […]