Manly Obama pictures released to counter shirtless Putin

In order to help toughen President Obama’s image on the international arena, the White House released photographs of a shirtless, muscular U.S. President engaged in various manly activities. Barack Obama appears in these pictures playing golf, riding his daughter’s bicycle, throwing a baseball, and negotiating with Russian President Putin, who seems dismayed by the U.S. President’s superior physique.

The White House stated that previously released pictures of shirtless Vladimir Putin riding a horse or holding a rifle are no match to the new masculine image projected by Barack Obama in these photos, which until now had been kept from the public due to the U.S. President’s famously humble disposition.

America’s progressive satirists and Photoshop jockeys are now expected to use these pictures in creating a new series of viral “Obama vs. Putin” infographics, to counter the existing pictorial comparisons portraying the U.S. president as an emasculated lightweight.

obama golf shirtless

obama shirtless bike

obama shirtless baseball

RELATED STORYObama to Kill Tomahawk, Hellfire Missile Programs Cornerstone of U.S. Naval power eliminated under Obama budget

SANCTIONED: Obama Banned from Russian Honey Store

Above sign reads: SANCTIONS – US President Barack Obama has been denied the right to enter the Honey Store. Management of the Honey Store

First posted in PJ MEdiaSanctions: them’s fighting words!

Some Russians are taking sanctions imposed on their country by the Obama administration with a grain of salt, or a spoon of honey as the case may be – and impose their own improvised sanctions in return.

In one example, this Russian-language sign just appeared on the entrance door to a small store in Moscow named “Myod,” which sells honey products. Translated into English, it says:

The reflection in the glass reveals a photographer wearing a Russian fur hat, against the background of a snow-covered street.

The lettering above the sign provides the store’s street address and website, magazinmed.ru, which lists their products as “high quality bee pollen, ambrosia, royal jelly, beeswax, and propolis,” gives directions (two minutes on foot from the Airport Metro station), and shows pictures of the interior.

Barack Obama sanctions in RussiaA humorous sign inside the store says, “Citizens with bears are served ahead of the line,” referring to the stereotypical view of bears as honey connoisseurs and aficionados. The website also has a discriminatory warning, “Customers with kangaroos are not allowed.” Online purchases are not available either.
Barack Obama sanctions in Russia

In a different corner of the world, a picture on the entrance door to a Malaysian restaurant says “Welcome to Penang Island – except Russian occupants. Go Crimea!” And then, in Russian, in red letters, “Get out!”

This is followed by the Russian flag crossed by a red line, and a footnote that says, “Free freedom drink to every Ukrainian. Offer valid until the end of occupation.”

I’d like to know the address so I can take them on their offer.

Ukraine_Welcome_Malaysia.jpg

Obama & Putin Phone Conversation on “Tonight Show”

President Obama calls Vladimir Putin to discuss the situation in Ukraine. The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon features hilarious highlights from the show including: comedy sketches, music parodies, celebrity interviews, ridiculous games, and, of course, Jimmy’s Thank You Notes and hashtags! You’ll also find behind the scenes videos and other great web exclusives.

Obama & Putin Phone Conversation on “Tonight Show”:

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zmIUm1E4OcI[/youtube]

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‘RESET’ in Russian means ‘invade Ukraine’

The official ceremony in which US. State Secretary Hillary Clinton presented Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov with a pretty plastic “Reset” button that had a mistranslated Russian word “peregruzka” written in Roman characters, was the first act of the “new and improved” foreign policy of the Obama administration. It happened almost exactly five years ago, in March of 2009, during Hillary’s visit to Moscow. We covered this event twice:

How Do You Say ‘Hillary’s Gaffe’ in Russian?

Middle Finger to Obama On Russian TV Is Not What It Seems

A lot has happened since the “new and improved” foreign policy took effect, backed up by the Nobel Peace Prize, awarded to Obama in advance for his expected achievements. During these short five years, glorious improvements have been popping up, almost spontaneously, all over the map – North Korea, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Nicaragua, Honduras, Venezuela, Egypt, Libya, Syria, and now Russia.

To really understand how it happened, let’s go to the roots and reconstruct the initial Moscow meeting between Hillary and Lavrov, using advanced techniques in reading lips and body language on the available footage.

HILLARY: America gives Russia this pretty button. It says “reset” in English and in Russian, I think.
LAVROV: Well, I do not think it means what you think it means. See? This here in Russian means “Invade Ukraine.”
HILLARY: Whatever. (Both smile for the cameras)

reset

Click on image for a larger view.

A Russian joke behind the Crimean joke about the American joke

Did the Russian intelligence promote Obama from lieutenant to colonel? “I wonder, after the successful campaign of handing over the Crimea, will Barack be promoted to a colonel?” That was the question Tweeted yesterday by the newly elected Prime Minister of Crimea, Sergey Aksyonov, shortly after the Russian-speaking residents of the disputed peninsula voted to leave Ukraine with the prospects of joining the Motherland. The Russian-language Tweet was accompanied by a Photoshopped picture of Barack Obama wearing a Russian uniform.

The Huffington Post, which first reported on this Tweet, quickly replaced it with a different article about Aksyonov – possibly after a scathing call from the White House – but not before The Washington Times and a few conservative blogs picked it up and ran with it, reposting the picture along with the awkward English translation made by the HuffPost using Google translator or a similar electronic service.

None of them, however, provided any background, or asked a relevant question: why would a previously obscure pro-Russian politician, whom Obama administration’s incompetence helped to become a Prime Minister, sarcastically imply that Obama is working for the Kremlin? This doesn’t seem to make any sense.

Such a jab could have easily come from conservative jokesters in the U.S., as a way to vent their bitterness over Obama’s inept handling of international affairs and squandering America’s standing in the world. It could have also come from those Russians and Ukrainians who are opposed to Putin’s imperial policies. But why would a pro-Russian separatist with a shady past, who is himself very likely working on orders from Moscow, out his alleged “colleague”?

As someone who frequents the Russian-language side of the blogosphere, let me explain.

The Crimean PM’s question wasn’t a standalone joke, but rather a punch line to an earlier anonymous joke with a Photoshopped picture of Barack Obama, seen on various Russian websites and forums since he first became president.

The picture was a mock-up of a KGB personnel file with a photo of Obama wearing the uniform of a KGB lieutenant with three stars on blue epaulettes. The name on the card is listed as Boris Huseinovich Obamov, a spy and saboteur, born in Uzbekistan and of Uzbek ethnicity, a member of United Russia Party, recruited by Vladimir Putin in 1981, currently without a permanent address and working undercover as the U.S. President. The agent’s listed code name, The White One, is likely funnier in Russia than it is in America, where it comes off as overtly racist.


The “updated” picture Tweeted by the Crimean PM clearly shows two stripes and two stars across the blue epaulettes, corresponding to the rank of lieutenant colonel in the same organization – one step away from colonel. The KGB has been since renamed into FSB, and those are also the letters on his shoulder patch with the Russian flag.

In summary, Aksyonov’s joke is hardly political satire or commentary on Obama’s specific actions, but rather blatant mockery in the general direction of the American President.

The Crimean PM is not alone, as mocking Obama by addressing him as a “comrade” seems to be the latest gag among Russian politicians today, who are treating their own communist past as a joke while trying to reconstitute the USSR minus the Marxist-Leninist ideology.

Thus, Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin fired out a number of Tweets yesterday, openly mocking Obama for putting him on the list of Russian officials whose foreign-held assets will now be frozen as punishment for their participation in Crimea’s secession.

“Comrade Obama, what should those who have neither accounts nor property abroad do? Have you not thought about it?” Rogozin Tweeted, implying that the U.S. President is acting like an erstwhile Soviet apparatchik. “I think some prankster prepared the draft of this Act of the US President,” he added later, in both languages. “Here it finally came to me: the real world-wide acclaim)) I thank the Washington Obkom!” he fumed sarcastically eight minutes later, using the abbreviation for the Regional Committee of the Communist Party – a once-powerful organ run by bureaucratic despots in the Soviet provinces.

Next to these messages, Rogozin’s Twitter thread also contains jingoistic cheers congratulating fellow Russian patriots with a win in the Crimean referendum, which he called “a great day of victory of the national spirit” and “the first result of our struggle for national unity.” His other Tweets contained veiled threats towards Ukraine in the form of promises to set up training shooting galleries in the Crimea and to expand Russia’s military-industrial complex to its territory.

Apparently, the cruel world refuses to live up to Barack Obama’s idea of peace through appeasement. This must come as a surprise to the president, who had received his Nobel Peace Prize as a validation of his understanding that the only real threat to world peace was greedy American imperialism. The prize was given to him by enlightened Europeans as an advance on the promise he brought to the world: that the sky would clear up and rainbows would unite different continents once America abandons its “cowboy diplomacy,” disarms its military, and pushes a cartoonish “reset” button with misspelled Russian lettering.

As it turns out, the world is full of thugs waiting to take advantage of the others’ weaknesses. Acting as if it isn’t has turned American foreign policy and the very office of the U.S. President into a joke. As of now, this joke has been made official and certified by the esteemed “international community.”

In the meantime, a desperate governor of an eastern Ukrainian region, which recently saw violent clashes with nationalist intruders from Russia, has given orders to dig an eight-foot-deep trench on the Russian border, hoping that even if it doesn’t stop an invasion, it will at least make the ride less enjoyable.

This most recent picture from the new Russian-Ukrainian border shows a hastily painted Russian emblem with dripping red paint leaving symbolic blood stains on the border fence.

Obamacare Art Appreciation Lesson #1: What’s Art?

Marking the third anniversary of Obamacare’s passage, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said the health care law fulfills the promises of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness by liberating workers from their place of employment and allowing them to pursue careers in the arts. “And just think that you could be a photographer or writer,” Pelosi said.

Pelosi often has praised Obamacare in this way, saying it enables Americans to quit their jobs and become artists.

“We see it as an entrepreneurial bill,” Pelosi said in May 2010. “A bill that says to someone, if you want to be creative and be a musician or whatever, you can leave your work, focus on your talent, your skill, your passion, your aspirations because you will have health care.”

Last year, while marking the second anniversary of the health care law, Pelosi used a similar line, saying Obamacare allows you to quit your job and become “whatever.”

We made the visual aid below for a new government program helping workers who have lost their jobs due to Obamacare, in their transitioning from shovels to paintbrushes.

Federally subsidized Art Appreciation courses to follow.

obamacare be an artist peoples cube

And on a different note:

North Korean Voters Unanimous: We Are The 100%!

In a devastating counter-punch to all deniers and non-believers, North Korea’s supreme leader Kim Jong Un has won an unparalleled victory today, being re-elected with 100% votes and 100% turnout, which gives him an undisputed mandate to fundamentally transform his country into an even more democratic people’s republic.

In the United States, the Democratic Party leadership, its party organs, and the Obama-voting precincts all around America are congratulating North Korea today on achieving the same results as they did in 2012 presidential election of Dear Leader with 100% vote and 100% turnout, accompanied by assurances of international solidarity of all voters worldwide.

According to USA Today“Voters in the election have no choice who to vote for – there is only one candidate’s name on the ballot for each district. Instead, they have the choice of voting yes or no, and according to official accounts virtually all choose yes. North Korea also typically puts turnout nationwide at over 99%.”

This finally clarifies what the phrase “We are the 99%” really means. But that was last year. Today, being 99% is no longer an option – we must eliminate the remaining 1% and become the 100% – like in North Korea!

It is mandatory for all comrades to celebrate today’s glorious victory by ordering our commemorative T-shirts and other merchandise, which will empower you to express your solidarity with North Korean voters, as well as your commitment to progress and contempt for deniers.

Click on the images to go to the store!

Kim Jong Un - We Are The 100% shirtKim Jong Un - We Are The 100% Mug

Russia’s aggression prompts other nations to change names

Vladimir Putin’s recent intervention in Ukraine on the pretext of defending the ethnic Russian population has forced other former Soviet republics to look for ingenious ways to protect their own sovereignty from similar moves.

On Monday, the Parliament of Kazakhstan, with a 25% ethnic Russian population and a 4,660 mile-long border shared with Russia, voted to rename the country ‘New Illinois,’ hoping to attract more American support for their territorial integrity. Kazakhstan’s President, Nursultan Nazarbayev, is expected to sign the emergency bill into law by Wednesday, setting in motion a complex process for the Central Asian nation of almost 18 million people.

Kazakstan name changeA spokesman for the government in the capital city of Astana said that ‘New Illinois’ was chosen because US President Barack Obama was a state and then US Senator for the state of Illinois, and such a name change was more likely to get his attention and engender a strong enough reaction to the threat of foreign invasion.

“We noticed a hesitancy on the part of President Obama to act when Russia moved on Ukraine,” said Prime Minister Serik Akhmetov. “And we asked ourselves, what if Obama’s reluctance was due to the fact that ‘Ukraine’ sounded too foreign to the president who is almost exclusively interested in American domestic policy? So we thought we might get more interest from him if we had a familiar sounding American name. This was the easiest way.”

Fearing that the name change alone may not be enough, the Kazakh parliament has begun debate on a second bill to rename the Kazakh ethnicity to ‘African Americans,’ within the hope that Americans will be more sympathetic to their plight if they are identified with a more familiar ethnic minority.

“We are confident President Obama will not tolerate the oppression of any African Americans, even those in Central Asia,” said Akhmetov. “And with any luck we may even get some foreign – or in this case, domestic, aid.”

Even though the process of replacing all the country’s signs, currency, postage, and identification cards is likely to be difficult and expensive, other former Soviet republics, which emerged from the collapse of the old Soviet Union in 1991, are considering similar moves.

Kazakstan name changeToday, the parliament of Latvia is debating a bill to rename their small Baltic nation of two million inhabitants to ‘East Chicago,’ as concern increases that Russian president Vladimir Putin may invade them to “protect” the half a million ethnic Russians who had settled there in the Soviet era.

Meanwhile, Lithuania has staked out the name ‘New Hawaii’ and Estonia is expected to take the name ‘New Delaware’ after the home state of US Vice President Joe Biden.

The future states of East Chicago, New Hawaii, and New Delaware are also considering changing their ethnic identities to ‘African Americans,’ although some local political leaders have proposed a change to ‘Mexican-Americans,’ which they believe may also help them gain support among moderate Republicans in the US.

Putin alleges TEA Partiers in Ukraine, wins over US media

Vladimir Putin, tired of being labeled as a “bully” by media left and right, held a press conference in the Kremlin earlier today, offering a completely new angle to his case for the seizure of the Crimean Peninsula and the possible invasion of Ukraine: the presence of a Tea Party element at the Maidan in Kiev.

“The Ukrainian nationalists have historically been a grave threat to peace in Eastern Europe, indeed, the whole planet and possibly the solar system,” the Russian President said through an interpreter. “They were likened to Nazis by the previous Soviet government, which was universally esteemed by American media as true, unbiased, and factual,” Vladimir Putin paused to wipe away sentimental tear. “Remember Pravda’s motto? ‘We report, you agree.’ I make little funny there,” the Russian President smiled as chuckles rippled through the room.

“However,” Putin proceeded gravely, “according to new information from reliable sources, this so called ‘independence’ movement in Ukraine has been taken over not only by Jews and Neo-Nazis, but TEA Party members as well.”

“Here is picture of hundreds of activists waving Gadsden flags and other totalitarian symbols of oppression in Maidan Square,” said the Russian President to an audible gasp of horror from the Western journalists. “Believe it or not, they are shouting for lower taxes and limited government.”

As one reporter for NPR began mumbling, “I knew it, I knew it,” an ABC correspondent fainted in her chair. The presser was briefly paused to allow medical personnel to carry a trembling New York Times journalist from the room.

U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid immediately seized on the news: “We must no longer punish our Russian brothers who have joined us in this most noble cause,” he whispered passionately from the Senate floor. “I hope my Republican colleagues will join me in granting Russia with most favored nation status and access to any military technology we might not have already passed on to them.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who was nodding in agreement behind Reid, took the microphone next. “World peace is threatened by dangerous radicals. They may be supported by the likes of Senator Ted Cruz, but certainly not by the reasonable, true conservatives in the Republican Party. We stand with Putin,” McConnell finished and turned away to be warmly embraced by Senator Reid.

President Obama immediately countered Putin’s press conference with a statement of his own.

“This new information changes everything,” Obama said from the Oval Office. “In the past, I had threatened to release another picture of me posing decisively with a telephone if Putin continued to escalate the situation, but I have directed the photographer to wait indefinitely. Instead, by my direction, we are sending a carrier task force to the Black Sea to assist the Russian military in their mission, and in addition, three divisions of crack IRS auditors.”

In an interview on MSNBC, Hillary Clinton hotly denied comparing Putin to Hitler.

“I never made any such comparison, directly or indirectly,” said the former Secretary of State. “It should be abundantly clear to anybody who was paying close attention that I was talking about Rush Limbaugh.”

Meanwhile, the New York Times, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR, and Martha Stewart Living have all issued lengthy retractions and apologies for referring to Vladimir Putin as a bully.

Speaking of the media’s latest view of President Putin, Chris Mathews of MSNBC admitted, “It’s weird, I just can’t stop looking at his shirtless pictures.”

Vladimir Putin’s Amazing Superpowers

Did you know that the boy whom Putin once kissed learned to fly? Or that Putin can browse the Internet with an abacus? Or that on his birthday critics drop dead from thinking bad thoughts about Putin?Each year spent in the Kremlin makes the Motherland’s President stronger, endowing him with more superpowers unbeknownst to man. For years, Party-approved rumors about Putin’s supernatural abilities have been spreading over the internet in the Mother tongue. To translate them into the language of soulless capitalist oppressors is an idea whose time has come!
AS SEEN IN PAJAMAS MEDIA


This Sunday the Motherland celebrated Vladimir Putin’s 55th birthday. On this day good triumphed over evil, 564 terminally ill patients reached full recovery, and 10,000 people in loony bins got back their mental abilities and marched in the streets of Moscow wearing Putin T-shirts, chanting “Happy Birthday!” and carrying signs saying “Putin is our everything!”

THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT THE RUSSIAN PRESIDENT

A spoon that Putin ate from can heal cataracts and glaucoma.

A fork that Putin ate from can slay a vampire with one stab.

A chair that Putin sat on gets promoted to the rank of Major General.

When Putin was little, he broke a cup. The spilled water turned into oceans and the splinters became continents.

Putin’s dog saved the world at least four times.

A combination of Putin’s fingerprints reveals the State Seal of the Russian Federation.

Putin can scratch his own heel without bending over.

Shirts worn by Putin are sent to a secret military facility and converted to the strongest layer of armor for the Russian tanks.

Socks worn by Putin are routinely dropped on Chechen rebels.

Putin’s used tissues become the property of the Department of Cartography and their content is classified.

In the movies, Putin’s part is usually played by his twin brother Chuck Norris.

Putin can power up a microphone with his stare and shut down the Windows Media Player with his voice.

Putin can find out your home address just by looking at your comment on any website.

Putin can browse the Internet with a pocket calculator.

When Putin’s name is typed, the first letter capitalizes itself.

By squinting his eye Putin can read and write multimedia DVDs.

Putin’s stare has downed 15 American satellites spying over the Kremlin.

Putin’s stare penetrates a ten foot lead wall and brings a kettle to a boil within 10 seconds from three miles away. For public safety he must wear special contact lenses at all times.

Chechen rebels blow themselves up when they hear Putin’s true name.

Saying Putin’s name repeatedly contributes to the common good in the universe.

Putin inhales carbon dioxide and exhales oxygen, ensuring the continuation of life on the planet.

Putin doesn’t poop.

Inside Putin’s nostrils grow miniature flowers pollinated by miniature bees.

Putin’s love for humankind heats up the planet by 2.35 degrees annually – a phenomenon also known as the Global Warming.

Putin appeared in Thomas Edison’s dream and revealed how to live in harmony with the Universe. But all Edison could remember in the morning was how to make the light bulb.

When Putin drives a vehicle, its engine gains 1,000 horsepower.

Putin doesn’t need a mattress; he levitates in his sleep at an average citizen’s eye level.

Once a month the full moon howls at Putin.

Putin helps the Russian economy by filling the Earth with oil from his personal reserves.

Everything Putin touches turns into a national project.

Putin knows every Russian citizen’s name, address, and phone number. If you say a dirty word, Putin will call you in the evening to reprimand.

When Putin is sad, the national suicide statistics go up.

When Putin smiles, a child is born in Russia. If the smile is wider than usual, expect twins.

If a sunbeam shines beautifully through the clouds, Putin is nearby.

If you shake hands with Putin you will be taken to heaven alive.

If you hate Putin you may die early through your own fault.

NOTE: If you pass this message to at least 10 different comrades in the next 15 minutes, you will receive an unexpected government subsidy and your enemies will have their gas and water cut off for good.However, if you ignore this message, bad luck will fall upon you. Just ask Ukraine. So what are you waiting for?

 
FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE ARCHIVES:
 
Putin Pokemon Card:
Putin_Pokemon_Card.jpg 

Russia. March 4, 2012. Presidential Election. PUTINATOR 3

Putin’s Glasses Desperately Needing a Caption!

Caption Contest: Putin-Obama Pick-up Line

Putin’08: Cooler than Obama, More Experienced than Hillary

Obama sings ‘Crimea River’ and other greatest hits

THE PROGRESSIVE’S 8-STEP GUIDE TO FOREIGN POLICY VIA STRONG DIPLOMACY:

1. Announce that the country’s behavior is unacceptable.

2. Should they continue behaving unacceptably, we tell them that their unacceptable behavior cannot be allowed to continue.

3. Should the unacceptable behavior continue anyway, then we tell them that we really mean what we said.

4. If they’re still behaving unacceptably, then we remind them that we really, REALLY do mean what we said, and that we’re not just saying that.

5. Should this result in only more unacceptable behavior, we tell them that this time, we’re serious.

6. If that doesn’t work (and it usually doesn’t, but we Progs pride ourselves on retaining faith in the inherent goodness of our fellow man and our own ability to make others see reason), then we inform them that we may have to consider scheduling an appointment to go to Geneva, where we will meet with fellow peace-loving Progs to discuss the possibility of approaching the U.N. with a request for permission to advise the offending country that we may have to impose sanctions.

7. If that doesn’t work, then with the help of our minions in the news media, we distract the masses from what’s going on with cute photo-ops like the creation of yet another White House initiative like My Brother’s Keeper, and speeches by the First Lady on the crisis of too many moms clogging the grocery aisles as they furrow their brows over nutrition labels and agonize over whether a product has too much or too little riboflavin.

8. If, by this time, the offending country’s unacceptable behavior has spread and can no longer be contained, go back to Step 1 and start over, and have faith that this time, we’ll get different results.

crimeariver

Russia capitulates, annexes itself to Greater UkraineOffline

Offline

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Difference Between God And Obama

Last night the most trending hashtag on Twitter was #DifferenceBetweenGodAndObama. Our Twitterer-in-Chief, Comrade General Secretary, posted these contributions, only scratching the surface:

God didn’t have a “Previous Administration” to blame
On the seventh day God rested; Obama rested for the other six
God spake unto Moses; Obama spake unto giggling college students
God commanded not to covet thy neighbor’s property; Obama commands to covet and redistribute it, too
God doesn’t force you to sign up for his religion and tell you “If you like your commandment, you can keep it”
God told Noah to build an ark; Obama told Noah “you didn’t build that”
God unleashed ten plagues on Pharaoh; Obama just signed him up for Obamacare
God’s chosen people wandered in the desert for 40 years; Obama’s people wandered in healthcare.gov for 40 weeks
God told Mary she was blessed with a child; Obama said she was punished with a child
God banished Lucifer; Obama’s mentor dedicated a book to him

Feel free to add your Difference Between God and Obama as a comment at the end of our column.

Ukraine topples Lenin statues, meets quota ahead of schedule

Despite severe weather conditions, the plan to topple Lenin statues in Ukraine has been successfully completed this month, ahead of schedule. The government of the former Soviet republic is happy to report that the quota of toppling monuments to Vladimir Lenin and other communist leaders has been met and in some places exceeded, with toppling of a number of unrelated statues in the process, as well as ransacking headquarters of the local Communist Party in Kiev.

Leninoval_280_3.jpgAlthough many critics warned that the goal was unrealistic, irrational, and even mathematically impossible, the toppling of statues of the creator of the world’s largest planned economy still went ahead as scheduled, paced over the course of several Five-Year Plans, starting in 1991.

However, not everything went according to the Planning Committee’s projections. The first Five-Year Plan revealed a drastic shortage of ropes to pull the statues down, and of gasoline to power the moving machinery.

Lenin_Snow.jpg
The second Five-Year Plan was plagued by continuously bad weather, consisting of five hot summers and as many cold winters, with uncharacteristically wet rains in between, presumably the result of climate change caused by a disproportional use of fossil fuels in the United States.

During the third Five-Year Plan all work was put on hold by the newly created Local 11 Statue Toppler Union.

The union leadership demanded an increase in wages and benefits in addition to a restraining order prohibiting all non-unionized persons from approaching any Lenin statue within a 200 foot radius.
Lenin_Pigeon.jpg
The fourth Five-Year Plan was beleaguered by a nationwide strike and a media campaign on behalf of Local 12 Pigeon-Handlers Union, whose members feared permanent unemployment and demanded a fair treatment with guarantees of lifetime salaries and benefits should all Lenin statues be toppled and outsourced to Third World countries.

The number of Lenin statues in existence also appeared to have been grossly underestimated, factoring only statues with the iconic beard and omitting those representing the father of the socialist revolution in his teens or prepubescent years, prior to the development of Lenin’s facial hair follicles. Neither did the plan account for the number of Lenin’s busts, bas reliefs, and mosaics, as well as semi-professional carvings and drawings on the walls of public restrooms.

Lenin_Snowman2.jpgNo Lenin statues made of stone were ever toppled either, which was later blamed on the Planning Committee typist who mistook the word “stone” for “scone.” Amazingly, as many as twelve “scone” statues had been reported as processed and billed by government contractors.

A subsequent audit discovered instances where money was paid for the toppling of Lenin statues that never existed, or where the statues had been made on the spot out of snow or cardboard and then pulled by a bulldozer. In other cases funds were disbursed where no actual topplings occurred.

As a result, while the number of all reported topplings exceeded the initial projection, a visual observation by the auditors led them to conclude that nearly all Lenin statues still remained exactly where they had been placed by the erstwhile Soviet government.

At the time, Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovich clarified the situation as follows: “More than twenty years of heroic and selfless struggle by our government to topple Lenin statues have exhausted the national budget and forced us to request a bailout from either the European Union or the neighboring Russia. Given that Moscow has more expertise than Brussels in toppling Lenin statues, we chose to side with a partner who better suits our historic needs.”

Leninoval_200_2.jpgIn the aftermath of certain events in Kiev earlier this year, the Ukrainian president modified his position, closely approaching that of the Russian president: “If you like your Lenin statues, you can keep your Lenin statues.”

In a final speech to the nation delivered from the steps of a charter plane Mr. Yanukovich stated: “Rather than burdening our economy with this pointless toppling, I should have followed the Russian model and granted myself exclusive powers to build more palatial mansions in every struggling region of the country. Now if you’ll excuse me, my baggage and I have a flight to catch.”

Leninoval_200_3.jpgInspired by the president’s farewell address, citizens of Ukraine enthusiastically poured into the streets, toppling Lenin statues completely free of charge, without troubling the overworked authorities and union contractors with requests to plan and coordinate their activities. After only several hours of work, volunteers around Ukraine were able to topple all of the remaining Lenin statues.

The next morning, as various government officials looked out their windows and didn’t see the familiar Lenin statues, they immediately knew that it was time to report a successful completion of the final Five-Year Plan, ahead of schedule and almost within the budget.

Affordable Care Act Parody: The True Purpose of ObamaCare Revealed

Political parody is at times more powerful than and mirrors reality. Americans are becoming acutely aware of the impacts of the Affordable Care Act on them and their families. In Florida alone over 500,000 individual policies have been canceled because they do not meet the ACA criteria. Those who have signed up find their insurance premiums increase, their coverage limited and their ability to choose their doctor restricted.

While this video parody is tongue in cheek, it represents a startling reality of the impact of bad public policy.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/OelTOGhfDSo[/youtube]

The featured photo was taken on March 19, 2010 “After dinner, the President returned to the Oval Office to continue pressing Congressmen to vote for the health care reform bill. In those final days before the vote, the President made hundreds of calls.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza).

RELATED COLUMN: Obamacare’s Dumping Ground

EDITORS NOTE: According to the YouTube video site for this video, “International E-Sports Group, R.T.I. & Constantin Film own the rights to this video. I own nothing & make no copyright claim whatsoever.”

Obama ‘Sub Par’ Posters: True Counter-Culture in Action

According to Breitbart.com, dozens of posters of President Obama with a golf club and a caption “Sub Par” have been spotted outside the PGA’s golf tournament near the Riviera Country Club in Los Angeles, as well as near Pacific Palisades and Santa Monica, California, all of them upscale and liberal enclaves.

A quick web search discovered a number of other locations in LA with “Sub Par” posters pasted over signal boxes, hanging from the wires and lampposts on busy intersections, glued to park benches, and even attached as small stickers to the walls of public bathrooms. This bears all the marks of an anonymous guerilla street art action by local artists.

Photos of these posters, hangers, and stickers are beginning to appear on several websites, but this one is by far the most complete collection we could find. There is also a short YouTube video of a street cop making a comment about one of the hanging posters.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/Jxzrtcm69s8[/youtube]

No one is claiming responsibility for this gutsy guerilla art project, and with a very good reason: in the heart of a Democrat-run city financed by Hollywood studios, any artist engaging in such “counter-progressive” activities would do well to remain anonymous.

In spite of the self-righteous promotion of tolerance and diversity by the “progressive” elites, they themselves tend to rule with a humorless iron fist of religious zealots, intolerant of any deviation from the dogma (unless the Party dogma transmogrifies; then you’re expected to transmogrify with it). And there’s hardly a deadlier sin in their bible than mocking a “progressive” deity, one of whom unquestionably is Barack Obama.

A Stalin-like intolerance of all dissent and religious worship of “progressive” icons is most rampant in such strongholds of progressivism as news media, academia, and especially the arts. An artist who refuses to conform and rebels against the “progressive” establishment gets immediately blacklisted, subjected to a witch hunt, shunned by his colleagues, and ultimately loses any chance of further employment in the industry.

Some of my artist friends among conservative bloggers are forced to withhold their real names so they can continue to feed their families. Losing anonymity for them would mean never to be able to find work in the arts again. The latest first-hand testimony of “progressive” Hollywood blacklisting can be found in a recent excellent essay by Andrew Klavan, a conservative filmmaker who urges conservatives to invest in alternative conservative arts because, as Breitbart liked to say, politics is downstream of culture.

While Klavan’s emphasis is on the eternal nature of the art telling us the truth about our human nature, some utilitarian subsets of the arts, such as the political poster, are not to be dismissed either. The left has gained great mileage with visual agitation and propaganda, which communist countries like the USSR had developed into a standalone art genre.


In the United States, political poster artists such as Shepherd Fairey, Robbie Conal, or Banksy absurdly made careers while promoting the leftist ideology through the arts — absurdly because their allegedly “counter-culture” and “anti-establishment” message was cheered on and often sponsored by the cultural establishment itself, which today is almost entirely made of formerly rebellious “anti-establishment” leftists.

The palpable irony of today’s historical moment is that the formerly cool, underground iconoclasts of the Left are now the oppressive, stodgy establishment. The tables have been turned by the invisible hand of historical necessity, but not in a revolution that Marxists had planned.

Today’s truly rebellious, free-thinking, edgy and cool, counter-culture anti-establishment movement is entirely on the right of the political spectrum. The Left may try to obfuscate this reality, attempting to paint the Right as agents of the oppressive state, but in the end the truth always wins. It happened everywhere the Left held the power, and it will happen in America, too.

But the truth needs our help. We need to spread this notion, especially among the young people: Right is cool. Liberty is cool. Independence is cool. If your young heart desires idealism and adventure, sabotage the oppressive leftist establishment! If you want to hang out with free thinkers and non-conformists, join the Tea Party!

Contrary to the old man Marx, not everything happens by historical necessity; there’s also the matter of free will. This is where the anti-Obama activist artists come in and seize the moment.

The prospect of the art world rebelling against the leftist establishment frightens the Left more than the Republican Party campaigning ever will.

A bunch of hip, younger artists amusing themselves by blasting leftist icons may start a trend that will turn out to be more consequential than all the costly election strategies devised by well-paid GOP consultants in Washington. Because, well, politics is downstream of culture.

If my instincts are correct, we will be seeing more provocative street art like this. Conservatives will do well to support it.