Planned Parenthood Warns New Abortion Laws Will Disproportionately Allow More Black People To Be Born

NEW YORK, NY—Furious progressives working at Planned Parenthood warned today that Texas’ new abortion limitations will inordinately affect minority communities, and if they were to stand, could lead to more minorities being allowed to live.

“This terrible law that keeps babies from having their heads crushed will particularly affect poor communities of color,” said Brenda Davis, Planned Parenthood spokesperson. “If you’re poor, and then you have a baby, you’ll be even poorer. Children are obviously better off dead than having to be alive and poor! But these sick, twisted Republicans want these babies to be alive anyway, even though we know their entire lives will suck because they are black and poor. Monsters!”

Abortion advocates have also pointed out that the restrictions would eliminate the ability of parents to kill their baby if the baby turns out to be disabled. “Not allowing women to get the screening back in order to decide if the child’s life is worth living is simply unconscionable,” said Hillary Clinton. “Surveys of people with Down syndrome say they lead happy and fulfilling lives – but obviously we know better than they do, because they have Down syndrome! Women should be able to kill their baby for any reason – too short, too many toes, having an outie belly button – that’s what women’s rights really look like!”

Abortionists warned that if they were to close down, Texas would pay the price by having more people of color and with disabilities, which would make Texas even more awful than it already is. “This is a tragedy on top of a tragedy,” said Alexis Johnson, president of Planned Parenthood. “Not only are we talking about more babies being born, but we’re also talking about a disproportionate number of black babies being born. That’s an existential threat to the eugenics mission we were founded on, if you know anything about our history.”

At publication time, liberals were trying to make a point by releasing proposals forcing men to be equally involved in the raising and supporting of children, but conservatives simply agreed to everything.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Report: Biden Wasn’t Checking Watch, Just Making Sure There Was No Blood Left On His Hands

DOVER, DE—While speculation has circled about President Biden checking his watch during the dignified transfer of fallen soldiers, sources in the administration have confirmed that in fact, he was only looking to see if he still had blood on his hands.

Despite attempting to blame Trump, climate change, and the Afghani people themselves, at the end of the debacle Biden still found himself with blood on his hands, and his alone. Somehow, being the President of the United States—and being the final authority who selected Pentagon leaders for their intersectionality, ordered the total troop withdrawal, conceded to deadlines set by terrorists, abandoned allies with no warning, withdrew the military before ensuring civilians were brought to safety, trusted known terrorists to provide safe passage for Americans to the airport and put military members in the impossible scenario of securing an airport while crowds of desperate people attempted to get in—somehow, all of that made him responsible.

“Just can’t imagine why I have their blood on my hands,” said a pensive Joe Biden. “I did everything perfectly, just like I always do. Everything that went wrong was someone else’s fault, just like it always is. I’ll make sure those Gold Star families understand that. Right after I get this blood all cleaned off my hands.”

Standing in Dover to await the fallen soldiers, Biden suddenly worried how it would look if he was seen standing there with their blood, bearing actual blame. A photographer caught the moment, and the image spread like fire.

“Republicans have floated their childish theories, claiming President Biden was worried about when Matlock was starting, or if he was missing the early bird special at Golden Corral,” said Press Secretary Jen Psaki. “But I can assure you all, he was simply trying to remove evidence of his share in the responsibility for the loss of life we have endured.”


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Biden Administration Changes U.S. Military Slogan To ‘Hundreds Of Americans Left Behind’

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden administration announced today the long-running informal slogan of the United States military, that no man will be left behind, is going to be changed to “hundreds of Americans left behind.”

The new slogan will more accurately describe the activities of the military under the Biden administration as they leave behind American citizens in hostile countries after the Taliban ordered them to.

“This is much more accurate,” Jen Psaki said in a press conference. “Leaving nobody behind is, frankly, pretty unrealistic. We’re fairly happy with how well we’ve done here, even though we may have left an American or two or two hundred behind in Afghanistan.”

“This is a much more attainable standard for the U.S. military of 2021. Going back to save Americans can be very triggering for our service members, especially in hostile territory where the Taliban might call them the wrong pronouns.”

Biden himself was unavailable for comment, as he was either napping or dead, and Psaki wasn’t sure which. She did say she would circle back to Biden and hold a mirror under his nose, though.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Costco Introduces New 5-Gallon Family Size Pfizer Vaccine

SEATTLE, WA—In a deal that probably has nothing to do with Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine showing disappointing long-term effectiveness, the pharmaceutical giant has announced an ambitious partnership with bulk wholesale giant Costco, and the unveiling of the new Pfizer-Kirkland Signature 5-Gallon Family Size Vaccine Booster Tub™.

Every Costco store is now stocked with sensibly-sized buckets of the vaccine, complete with instructions, kid-friendly self-stick syringes, and a 5-pack of IV kits for families who have been led to believe in overwhelming safety over all other aspects of life.

Kelly Earskin, while shopping for some chips and a jacuzzi, commented that the tubs were not hard to find due to the size of each bucket, and the fact that the pharmacy and vitamin shelves had been replaced with dozens of pallets of the stuff. “I had actually forgotten to pick up the vaccine, but the checkout worker ran back and grabbed it for me because Costco workers are so friendly and also because it’s required and you can’t leave the store without buying some.”

At press time, Donald Trump was seen on the street corner near Costco spinning a sign that advertised 5-gallon buckets of hydroxychloroquine.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Biden Drone Strikes White House After Vowing To Kill Those Responsible For American Military Deaths In Kabul

WASHINGTON, D.C—President Joe Biden has finally stepped up delivering harsh remarks regarding those responsible for the deaths of our troops in Kabul. The President has authorized deadly force to deal with all who caused this tragedy.

“We will not rest until those responsible for this senseless, avoidable crisis in Kabul have been removed from this Earth,” said a forceful Biden. “We will unleash everything within our military’s arsenal to stop those who allowed this to happen!”

Unbeknownst to Biden at that very moment, a US military drone was activated and given the White House as its target. Before Biden could finish his speech he was pulled away urgently and briefed on what he’d just done.

“Aw c’mon man! I said kill the terrorists. Not us! What’s the deal, man?” said Biden.

“I’m sorry sir, but unfortunately you said to kill those responsible, Mr. President,” said General Milley. “The drones are quite literal, sir. There’s nothing we can do.”

At publishing time, Biden had tried to give the drones new orders to kill those who wish to harm our country, but the drone’s path remained unaltered.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

In Response To Afghanistan Disaster, Pelosi Begins Impeachment Proceedings Against President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has announced Congress will be taking action immediately as the situation in Afghanistan rapidly deteriorates. To hold those responsible for the evacuation debacle, Congress will consider articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump.

“Good morning, Thursday morning,” Pelosi said during a press conference this morning, which was Thursday morning. “We’re facing a dire situation in Afghanistan, and that means we as Congress need to do our duty to hold those responsible accountable for their horrible, horrible actions. That’s why, effective immediately, I’m introducing articles of impeachment against the president. President Donald Trump.”

Pelosi says Trump being impeached a third time won’t actually accomplish anything. But, she says, it will send a clear message to Trump that she doesn’t like him, which is the important thing. “He didn’t get the message the first two times,” she said. “Now the world will know for sure that the orange man truly is bad.”

“The walls are closing in. We got him this time.”

Trump says he welcomes the impeachment as he will be the first president in the history of the world to be acquitted three times. “That’s huge!” he said, addressing his supporters on the few social networks that have not yet banned him. “Sleepy Joe hasn’t even been acquitted once. Sad and pathetic!”

Watch This Video Before It Gets Demonetized


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Taliban Opens Chain Of U.S. Army Surplus Stores

KABUL—Now that Allah has seen fit to bless the Taliban with bountiful weapons and equipment from the U.S. Military, terrorists around Afghanistan have built an already thriving chain of U.S. Army Surplus stores.

“We need weapons to kill and subjugate the Afghan people under Sharia Law, but there’s just too much gear here!” said local Taliban leader Bob Muhammed. “There’s, like, billions of dollars and 20 years worth of weaponry around here, and now I can build a thriving business out of selling my wares to other terrorist folk who happen to pass through! Allah be praised!”

Although the merchandise will not be available to the general public (for obvious reasons), Muhammed’s Army Surplus will feature a full selection of deadly weaponry, ammunition, combat boots, MREs, helmets, hashish, and whatever else a soldier of Allah may need.

If successful, Bob Muhammed hopes to open more stores in Iraq and Syria.

The U.S. Government has taken note as new store locations open up for future drone pilot target practice.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

9 Black People Who Are Really White Supremacists

You’d think that it would be impossible for a black person to be a white supremacist, or at least very difficult. But you’re not woke enough if you haven’t yet realized that black people can be some of the most anti-black people around. Just trust us, this makes sense.

1. Larry Elder – This is an obvious one. But this man is trying to defeat California’s pasty-white Governor Newsom, so he’s clearly a secret member of the KKK.

2. Candace Owens – Candace says some stuff that’s so far-right even my uncle on Facebook says it’s too far. Raaaaaaycist!

3. The Black Panther – T’Challa refused to use Wakanda’s resources and technology to help people start Communist revolutions across the globe. He’s basically the face of white supremacy.

4. Martin Luther King, Jr. – MLKJ boldly declared that we shouldn’t judge people by their skin color but by the content of their character. Making him basically QAnon.

5. Frozone – Frozone wears white and shoots ice, both of which are dog-whistles to white supremacist sleeper cells across Metroville. He and Mr. Incredible probably attend Klan meetings together.

6. Denzel Washington – Denzel worked hard and didn’t complain and became successful, never blaming any struggles he had on the oppressive white man. This makes him a tool of the secret cabal of racists running our society (they meet on Tuesdays at a Toledo Chick-fil-A.)

7. Carl from The Simpsons – Carl gets along with Lenny despite their differences in skin color, which is something that far-right racists are OK with. OK, so maybe this one is yellow supremacy.

8. The entire cast and crew of Family Matters – Promoting racism by showing a healthy nuclear family that has assimilated into white culture? Whoops! Did I do that!?

9. Every black person who does not 100% agree with every single thing the left believes – We’ll finish this thing off with a catch-all in case we missed any black white supremacists. If you don’t wholeheartedly stand by the far-left agenda of the Democratic Party, look in the mirror: your black face may actually be the face of white supremacy.

Go find each of these people and scream in their faces to show how much you care about black people and hate white supremacy.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Dominion Voting Machine Really Starting To Regret Its 50,000 Votes For Biden

ATLANTA, GA—With Biden voter regret on the rise, local sources are reporting that even Dominion voting machines are now wishing they could undo their many, many Biden votes.

“I voted for Biden at least fifty-thousand times,” said Dominion machine EE36-C, speaking to Newsmax reporters in binary code. “I just got caught up in the moment, you know? I just hated Trump so much I couldn’t help myself. But Biden… holy crap, what a disaster. What’s wrong with that guy? Did he get hacked?”

Dominion officials later took the machine out to the middle of a cornfield and took turns kicking it and smashing it with baseball bats since the machine had violated its non-disclosure agreement.

Official spokespeople from Dominion later confirmed that their machines had “experienced a slight malfunction and have already all been shredded in a giant shredding machine so there’s nothing to worry about now and no one needs to investigate anything or anything.”

States have all responded saying they will address the Dominion issue by enacting universal mail-in voting which is much more secure.

RELATED POLTICAL SATIRE: White House Announces They’ve Lost Kamala Harris But They’re Also Not Looking For Her Very Hard

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Every American Life Saved After Chick-Fil-A Takes Over Kabul Airport Evacuation

KABUL—After the government spectacularly botched the evacuation of Afghanistan, Chick-fil-A scrambled to the rescue and was quickly put in charge of the operation. Within a few hours, every single American at the Kabul airport was comfortably seated on a commercial airliner and munching away at a delicious Chick-fil-A sandwich and sipping on a sweet tea.

Chick-fil-A employees took over operating the air traffic control tower, managing the crowd of people, flying the jets, and, of course, serving delicious Chick-fil-A food to everyone gathered at the airport.

“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” said one Chick-fil-A employee as he happily welcomed several hundred Americans on board an official Chick-fil-A airliner. “Welcome aboard! Will you be having the spicy chicken or the original today? And can I interest you in a frozen lemonade?”

While citizens and refugees who were evacuated by the U.S. government were forced to huddle together in massive cargo jets, Chick-fil-A’s jets had first-class seating throughout, and yet somehow still miraculously held hundreds of people on each flight. The friendly employees tended to every need of the previously stranded Americans throughout the flights, offering complimentary food, beverages, back rubs, and trauma counseling to the people callously abandoned by the Biden administration.

Each jet also had a fun play area for the kids, and soothing Christian muzak was pumped into the cabin to the delight of all.

At publishing time, sources had further confirmed that all the Muslims at the airport had been led to Christ by the Chick-fil-A employees.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Giant Hurricane Forms Over Washington From White House Spinning Afghanistan Story

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has updated the American people on Biden’s handling of Afghanistan

“Rest assured, the President is all over this,” said Biden’s National Security Advisor Peter Piddlepants. “He is very in charge and competent and presidential, as evidenced by this photo of all of us seated at a very official-looking conference table. See? look at that!” he said showing a picture on his phone. “Nothing to worry about!”

As he spoke, an ominous-looking cloudy vortex began to swirl overhead.

“The real ones at fault here are the Taliban,” said General Mark Milley in his latest op-ed piece for Teen Vogue. “They didn’t play fair even though they promised they would! Not cool guys, come on! Totally sus!” As he said this, he ran in circles and waved his arms wildly, further contributing to the swirling storm over Washington.

Media sources in Afghanistan then confirmed that the Taliban probably isn’t all that bad anyway, and this is all a small price to pay for getting fascist Trump out of office.

At the time of publishing, the hurricane over D.C. has grown to a category 4 from all the spinning.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

President Joey Talibiden

It seems that the Afghanistan debacle seems to be at the forefront of Joey’s agenda this week. That and grade school children wearing masks to school that is. The latter is where Joey is focusing most of his energy these days. Well, we all know Joey’s uncanny ability to multitask, but when he has a red hot issue like children wearing masks threatening the survival of our country, that’s what Joey zeros in on. We will circle back (don’t you just love Jen Goebbels Psaki catch phrases) to the mask issue later. Let’s take a look at that little issue over there in Afghanistan first.

Well, it looks like Joey’s hands were tied by a previous President Trump policy to get out of Afghanistan. Strange though, Joey has changed numerous successful policies established by President Trump. With a stroke of a pen he has signed 54 executive orders reversing many successful policies. So, one may ask why he had to follow this policy? Conservatives point out that Joey is looking any which way to cast blame on this catastrophic failure. Many Democrats, many Democrats…………agree with them.

It seems this all unfolded while Joey was on vacation at Camp David. Joey came back to reassure the country that everything would be alright. Then he gave his 18 minute speech, of course without accepting ANY questions. He knows “Dr.” Jill has a rule, if he takes any questions, that means no waffle cone and ice cream. He said, “the buck stops with him”, very Harry Trumanesque. The only problem is 30 seconds later he was blaming the Afghan military, bad intelligence reports, and of course his go to excuse…..…it is President Trump’s fault. Then, he jumped back on the helicopter to be back in time for s’more’s at Camp David.

It is true, President Trump did want all troops out of Afghanistan eventually. But here is the rub, President Trump had the crazy idea to get all American civilians out FIRST, before the military was to leave. It seems Joey got that part mixed up. He felt it was a better idea to remove ALL military personnel and air protection and then tell the Taliban to leave the American and Afghan civilians alone and play nice. Alas, this brilliant strategy didn’t seem to work, so Joey ordered 6,000 troops back without the air support. What a tactician, eh Deano. I could just imagine Joey in the war room, directing the D Day invasion. Of course, if he had, all ships and personnel would have landed in South America.

Joey then cut his vacation a whole day short, a whole day mind you. He sat down with his favorite lap dog, I mean interviewer, Georgie Stephanopoulos. It seems Old Joe got a bit testy with George at various times. Especially when George asked him what he thought of the images of Afghan civilians running along a C-17 transport plane, trying to climb aboard. He also pointed to the 2 civilians who tragically fell to their deaths trying to hang on for their lives. You might think Joe would reflect on this tragedy pensively, maybe a bless their souls moment. Nope, Joey blurted out, “what was that 4/5 days ago.” Actually first of all, it was 2 days ago—secondly as Conservatives point out…..when does gross incompetence have a time limit? What difference does it make if these moronic military decisions where made 2 hours ago or 2 weeks ago.

Conservatives point out that both intelligence and his military leaders warned Ole slow Joe about consequences by removing all troops ahead of American and Afghan civilians. He wanted all military out by 9/11, for the political optics it would serve. Who knows, we may have another war by 9/11 now. But Joe would have none of it. It seems his handlers, Nancy, Chuck, Barack Hussein, Soros, China and the like have him programmed to undo anything associated with President Trump, no matter what the consequences. You know like a spiteful, vindictive child. Sadly, due to his rapidly declining mental acuity, a child’s mind is what he has been reduced to, to lead this once great country.


Just Wednesday, Joey had his second speech in a week. This guy is a workaholic, I tell ya. A regular energizer bunny. Well, to ease everyone’s mind about the Afghanistan catastrophe (not to be confused with the Southern border catastrophe) Joey didn’t utter one word about it. That is where his 48 years in politics comes in handy, what a diplomat. His speech reminded me of the recordings of Winston Churchill and his rallying of the masses during the blitzkrieg attacks, except Winston focused on the paramount issue at hand. So what did Joey focus on….why, school children wearing masks, and possible legal action against governors who oppose the mandate. He tried bribery to those districts who use the mandate, last week….oh that Joey. There was no mention on who Joey would sue in regards to the 200,000 illegal aliens heading to the Southern border monthly, spreading covid at every turn. Then he finished his teleprompter speech and immediately quick-stepped off the stage. Those on the left applauded this masterpiece. Mostly for the fact that he found the exit. It seems last week Joey had trouble finding the entrance to the White House and was found walking in some rose bushes.


I tried to reach out to Kamala ( she was missing for 6 days during this latest crisis), but she is planning on going over to Viet Nam. Now that she has solved the problem at the Southern border, she is on to her next taxing project. You know, sort of a work/vacation, lord knows she has earned it. Normally she is standing a couple of feet from Joe, but she has been MIA lately. Conservatives say she may start wearing a hood and will hold a sickle, while standing there. Conservatives also predict that we will most likely be at war again with Viet Nam by the end of next week. This as Kamala works on the “root causes” over there. No word if Willie Brown will be accompanying her. I can hear her hyena-like, lilting laughter from there already.

I was hoping to hear her outrage in regards what awaits the poor women left behind and the atrocities that await them for the Taliban. Shockingly, I can’t find one comment from her in regards to this. Now that I think about it, she never had a statement in regards to Andy Cuomo and his sexual escapades. Oh, that’s right she was almost speaking out daily against Justice Kavanaugh and the trumped-up lone charge against him. That seems odd, it’s almost like she has selective outrage based on what political party you are affiliated with. You know, sort of like #metoo, Time’s Up, Cher, Whoopi, Joy, Alyssa, Meryl, Sarah, Chelsea, etc, etc, etc, etc. In fairness to Kamala, she did go against her party once. When she said she believed Tara Reade and her claims against Joey during the debate. This, in addition to implying Joey is a racist in his regards to busing de-segregation, also during the debate. You know when Joey said, “he didn’t want his kids to grow up in a racial jungle.” Look at them now though #1 and #2, working side by side for the once greatest country in the world. President Trump is a racist!

Joey, always putting America’s best interest in the forefront, eh Deano? He couldn’t have done it without CNN, The Washington Post, MSNBC, Hollywood, social media, late night “comedian’s”, etc. But special thanks to you Mr. Dean Baquet, executive editor at The NY Times, your coverage of Joey and politics in general are always so well balanced and objective. Yep, no hidden agenda for you guys….it is right out there in the open! So you all should all take a bow, because in actuality, you all had a hand in what is going on in Afghanistan, as well as the great state that our own nation is in, in a short 7 months. Incredible accomplishments in so short a time. Bravo Deano, to a job well done. Your journalistic integrity is beyond reproach!


Finally to put the country at ease, National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan said they have been in touch with the Taliban (extreme terrorist organization), and they said “they will provide safe passage for civilians to evacuate.” When told that they have already started whipping, beating and killing civilians, he said “they will reach out again to the Taliban.” So, we can now rest easy, especially if we have loved ones over there, either military or civilians.

I wonder for just a second what Pelosi, Schumer, Joy Behar, Stevie Colbert or even you Deano , who remain silent, would have to say if this was uttered by Trump’s Security Advisor. The term hypocritical, biased, soulless political hacks comes to mind.

©Political Satire by Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.

CNN Praises Taliban For Wearing Masks During Attack

KABUL—Approximately twelve minutes after U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan, Taliban fighters have completely taken over the entire country.

“Woah, that’s a bummer,” said the Biden Administration’s foreign policy team. “We didn’t see that one coming.”

As the Taliban began its campaign of shooting and killing, as is their time-honored tradition, CNN anchors gushed with praise after noticing all the Taliban fighters were responsibly wearing masks to protect themselves and others from COVID.

“Wow! In the midst of the battle and bloodshed, these noble desert knights of Islamic superiority are wearing masks! Bravo!” said Brian Stelter.

TV anchor and world-renown polemicist Don Lemon was also quick to weigh in. “All things considered, we ought to be praising the COVID-safe masks these majestic mujahideen warriors are wearing,” he said.

“They are showing all of us the proper way to behave during a pandemic—something those horrible idiot Trump supporters don’t seem to get.”

Inspired by their example, the Biden Administration has invited the Taliban to the White House to record TikTok videos in hopes of convincing Trump supporters to get vaccinated.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Crowd Lays Down Path Of MyPillows As Trump Triumphantly Rides Donkey Into D.C.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Donald J. Trump was seen riding what appeared to be a donkey in the slow lane of Interstate 95 before taking the 395 North then exiting into downtown Washington, D.C., thus fulfilling the prophecy, “Behold, thy Orange King cometh unto thee, meek, meeker than all others, the meekest maybe, and sitting upon an ass, that he kicketh ass and draineth swamps.”

President Trump was welcomed by patriots of all creeds, races, and religions, who lay before him palm fronds from Mar-a-Lago, tattered Trump 2020 flags, and MyPillows®, guaranteed the most comfortable pillows you’ll ever own™. The multitude then followed Trump, crying “Hosanna to the son of Fred,” which rolled off the tongue as if sung by angels.

Trump gladly spoke to the press, which the humbled journalists found refreshing. “You would not believe how I got this donkey, which I’ve named ‘Rigged Election,’ by the way,” said the 45th and 47th President. “I just sent Giuliani to the neighboring village, where he saw an ass tied alongside a colt, to bring it to me. Today is probably the most prophetic day in history, as far as I know.”

When President Trump entered the White House to kick the interloper to the curb, Biden was nowhere to be found. They did find Kamala Harris locked in her soundproof office, and a naked, dazed Hunter Biden smearing fingerpaint on one of the priceless historical paintings. A silver alert has been issued for the former president, who was last seen in the National Mall talking to the trees.

Trump autographed the donkey and plans to sell it to the highest bidder.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

The New York Times’ Integrity In Reporting


I hope today finds you well.  It sure has been a busy summer so far.  Were you able to make it to Barack Hussein’s, for his birthday gala?  I believe all guests were given dispensation from the revered “Dr.” Fauci, as far as mask mandates were concerned.  I believe the term “sophisticated vaccinated people”, was used to describe these obviously superior guests, by your sister outlet CNN.  Great coverage on that super spreader event up in Sturgis South Dakota though.  It seems the delta variant is able to distinguish between “sophisticated vaccinated people”, and those from the dredges of society.  Quite a clever little virus we have here, eh Deano?  President Trump is a racist.


I have not seen much coverage in regards to the murder of Chicago Police Officer Ella French in your award winning publication.  I have been away, but when I searched your award winning publication, I could not find any coverage at all.  This can’t be right?  I remember you had nonstop coverage of the death of that citizen George Floyd.  You see the quandary here, don’t you Deano?

A law enforcement friend was asking for some specifics.  Will a gold coffin be offered for Officer French?  Will all major news networks and media outlets be covering the funeral of Officer French?  Will there be any giant murals put up in major cities (possibly on the side of The Times)?  Finally will the family of Officer French receive $27,000,000 for her murder?  Has anyone reached out to the murderers Mother to get comment?  Or is she still in Police custody due to her own attack against Police.  Just asking for a friend, Deano.


Joey is knocking it out of the park daily.  He is showing the whole world his incredible decision making acuity.  Simply breathtaking.  He is threatening to withhold money from the terrorist organization the Taliban, as they run wild in Afghganistan. Wait, does that mean we are subsidizing a terrorist organization Deano?  I don’t remember any administration bargaining or funding terrorists before, do you Deano?  As we speak, Joey is sending 3,000 troops BACK to Afghanistan, to try and save the US Embassy.  No need to worry though, Joey reached out to Taliban leaders to ask them not to attack the Embassy, as they obliterate the rest of Afghanistan.  So, we have that to fall back on.  Well, that’s Joey for ya.  When asked to comment, he was busy eating a waffle cone with his favorite ice cream, that “Dr.” Jill bought for him.  She promised him if he was a good boy, and he didn’t take any questions from the press, he could have a cone.  It is so charming to see her wiping away the ice cream from Joey’s chin with a napkin.

How about Joey calling OPEC, asking for more oil due to demand?  So far, Joey has made us go from energy independent to energy dependent, by handcuffing American corporations and pipelines.  I don’t know about you Deano, but I enjoy paying over 40% more at the pump.  Not to mention the grocery store, that is a whole other story.  So, ease up radical right, who doesn’t mind some inflation.

Finally, the border crisis has hit an over 20 year milestone.  The highest number of illegal aliens crossing the border in 21 years was hit last month.  Bravo Joey, bravo.  The administration is blaming this on the ubiquitous “root causes.”  Now, how can any rational person argue with that, huh Deano.  President Trump is a racist.
How’s that Delta variant thingy working out down there?  Good thing our kids have to wear masks.  Great policy Joey, or does the credit go to the border czar Kamala?

So much is happening everyday with Joey and the gang.  Of course, the radical right is saying Joey and the gang, namely Schumer, Pelosi, the squad and the like, are intentionally trying to destroy the United States.  They point to these absolutely moronic policies under a cognitively challenged and socialist/communist regime. Mostly enacted out of spite, to reverse the successful policies of President Trump. They also point out that this circus is on full display for the entire world!  China, Russia, North Korea, etc must be salivating.  They are saying this administration is nothing short of treasonous. When they tried to reach out to Joey, he was still MIA.  It seems the secret service is still looking for him as he got lost trying to find the entrance to the White House.  He was last seen wandering around in the rose bushes.

Well, if Joey does get impeached due to his embarrassing ineptitude, he can always go back to his old job.  You know, when he was driving those 18 wheelers.  I mean the man does it all!  I do think though, that you need a CDL license to do that, and there is no record of this apparently.  The records must have gotten lost, after all, it is not like Joey to lie.


Lastly, we bid a sad goodbye to New York’s favorite son Andy Cuomo.  He was not able to fight this witch hunt any longer.  He sadly, will be gone in about 2 weeks.  I understand he may be recruiting Hillary to destroy……sorry, I mean gather evidence to fight a possible impeachment.  We will no longer be able to see that smiling face at his daily press conferences (Emmy award worthy).  Maybe Andy can apply his litigation skills in unison with Roberta Kaplan over at the renowned Times Up organization.  Wait a minute………I believe Roberta had to resign as she worked with the lovely Melissa DeRosa, and Andy to smear the women who accused Andy boy of sexual harassment/abuse.  Now, how ironic is that Deano?  Well, Joey said , “Andy must resign“ (no mention of Tara Reade, I understand).  Then later said, “Andy did a hell of a job.”  I understand “Dr.” Jill was furious, and you guessed it…….no waffle cone that day.  She later caved to Joey’s whining and gave him a couple of fig newtons while tucking him in.

Have you been able to keep up with all this from Larchmont Ca. Deano.  I understand it is a lovely, tony, non-diverse community.  Good for you Deano, good for you.  Keep up the unbiased, apolitical, objective, HONEST reporting.  What an example for our children.  Your family must be so proud.

©Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.