JOEY’S TOWN HALL TRIUMPH: Joey nails it again!

We’ll, I hope today finds you well Deano. There has been a lot going on since we last spoke. The first thing I would like to comment on is Joey firing on all cylinders at the town hall meeting hosted by the apolitical Don Lemon, esteemed anchor of CNN. He sure held Joey’s feet to the fire, but our fearless leader, as usual was up to the task.

Let’s try and hit on a couple of the high points, before commenting on the radical rights take on Joey’s performance. I think he hit his high note when questioned about the vaccine rollout in regards to children.

Well Joey dove right into this one. He replied, ”the question is whether or not we should be where you should be put in the position where you, um, are-why can’t the, the experts say, ‘ We know what this virus is, in fact, um, it’s going to be’ or excuse me, ‘We all know all the drugs approved are not temporarily approved, but permanently approved.’ That’s under way too, I expect that to occur quickly.”

How could anyone be critical of that response, simply brilliant. Concise, straight to the point, and delivered with such authority. What a representative of the once most powerful country in the world. I hope other world leaders were watching this oratory masterpiece, this will make them think twice about confronting Joey on an open stage.

One of the other highlights of the evening had to be when Joey took on criticism from the right. Joey says, the country needs to get beyond the QAnon conspiracy theories. He went on, “But some of the stuff- I mean QAnon, the idea that Democrats or Biden, is hiding people and sucking the blood of children- no, I’m serious. That’s- now you may not like me, and that’s your right. Look, it’s a simple thing. You can walk out and say, I just don’t like the way that guy wears his tie. I’m voting against him. You have a right to do that. You have a right to do that.”

I believe there are simply no words to describe this masterpiece, what an explosive diatribe. Joey says though he is serious, the right is saying he sucks the blood of children. Maybe Nancy could start a sucking children’s blood commission, to get to the bottom of this. Maybe get Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler (impeachment experts), to head this one up. Two of the most honest and well respected legislators on the hill, second only to Nancy of course. President Trump is a racist!

Well, the radical right would have none of this. The attacks were fierce and nonstop.

Calling out his vaccine roll out reply, as something simply painful to watch. A rambling, incoherent mish-mosh; that putting out this obviously feeble man is akin to elder abuse. How Jill Biden, can watch her husband flounder on stage is beyond belief, does she have no compassion or empathy. Accusing CNN of being shameless, and asking that they abolish these idiotic, sham spectacles. Together with Joey’s one and done press conference, it is more than obvious they are trying to shield his vastly diminished mental acuity. That’s the presser where Joey had a cheat sheet with PICTURES of reporters not to call on. Only softball questions from liberal reporters to try and protect him. How long is this train wreck of public appearances going to last, again shameless, they say.

The right is also concerned with his frequent remarks in regards to children. The “drinking blood of children” comment has raised quite a few eyebrows. This after several other comments in regards to children.

His comments about when he would “come out of the water, and kids would rub the water off the hair on his legs, and then sit in his lap.” This was when he was a lifeguard, I believe, only the shallow end mind you, due to his asthma issue. The issue that got him 5 deferments during the Viet Nam War, one more than President Trump that was given so much coverage.

Or the now infamous one, talking to a 12 year daughter of a service man, “look at you sitting there with your legs crossed, and barrettes in you hair, you look like a 19 year old. They want to know exactly what this man is thinking? Or better yet, not thinking? His comments about children are creepy at best, and vile and disgusting more like it. The nerve of these people, huh, Deano?

On a side note, reliable sources (the same ones that Wapo, and CNN used numerous times with President Trump), said “Dr.” Jill was livid over this last ridiculous statement uttered by Joey. Well, she has had enough. The next day after this 1/4 full of capacity town hall meeting, the good “Dr.” delved out her punishment. After Ole Joe woke from his usual afternoon nap she refused to give him his Fig Newton’s and milk before watching Matlock, and Judge Judy. Then to add insult to injury, she made Joe get his punishment chair and sit in the corner and think about what he said. Well, sources say, Joey has been walking around the Oval Office for hours, looking for a corner to sit in!

HUNTER ENJOYS A NEW CAREER

It seems that Hunter has embarked on a new career path. I mean is there anything this guy can’t do? First he flourished in his navel career, until he received an administrative discharge due to drug abuse infractions. But while he was in, Joey says he was a shining star. Who knows, if not for this minor infraction, he possibly could have commanded a battleship or perhaps an aircraft carrier? Maybe been in charge of his own fleet. I see it already, the name Biden spoken of in the same breath as Halsey or Nimitz!

Then he entered into the energy field. He rose up the ladder very fast, some may say astoundingly fast. He shortly there after was sitting on the board of directors for Burisma Holding Ltd. Get this, at a reported salary of $83,000 a MONTH. Well, if you want specialized talent, I guess you have to pay for it. Although, I’m not really sure that Hunter had any experience at all in this field. I understand at the pinnacle of his career, he was in charge of replacing the copier paper and taking the lunch orders for the other board members. For the life of me, I don’t know why he left this position, I mean 83k a month is not chump change. But alas, it was not meant to be. It was on to bigger and better things, GREENER pastures as they say.

It was into the art world for Hunter. Some of his early work looks absolutely off the charts. His drizzling of colors with the use of one of his spare straws, is simply magnificent. I believe, his works will start out at 75k and move up to a top price of 500k. Bravo Hunter, bravo. Earlier this month, a Picasso from 1919, sold for $150,000; days later some of Hunter’s will be going for $500,000. Who could argue with these price points. I mean who hasn’t strolled through a farmers market, or arts and crafts festival- and seen newly established artists selling their wares for say $50, $100, $200, or even $500,000. Ease up radical right.

The good news is that the buyers will remain anonymous, this will keep at bay the accusations of impropriety and provide transparency. This was the reasoning of the lovely Jen Psaki, who the right refers to as the female Joseph Goebells, princess of propaganda. I don’t see it do you Deano?

One day the right will be sorry, when Hunters name resonates with the likes of Van Gogh, Picasso, Rembrandt, Dali and the like. You just wait radical right, you’ll be sorry.

The thing that really gets me though Deano. I can take the outlandish accusations from the Conservatives, but now some of Joey and Hunters closest allies are screaming IMPROPRIETY! Stalwarts, like the reputable news outlet CNN and the Washington Post are lining up with Conservatives calling out the administration and Hunter for a gross error in judgement.

Even O’bama-Biden administration head of the office of Government Ethics, Walter Shaun, told CNN on July 9, that what the White House is doing, letting Hunter Biden sell his artwork represents “the perfect mechanism for funneling bribes to Joey Biden.”
I tried to reach out to Barack Hussein, out at Martha’s Vineyard, but I got no answer. I really think Barack needs to get a cordless phone to cover his 29 acre compound, I can never reach that guy. President Trump is a racist!

THIS AND THAT

Is there any truth that a Go Fund me page has been set up for the Texas Democratic legislators who took flight to bypass a voting bill? Rumor is they are dreadfully low on Miller Lites, and are getting frantic. Maybe they could get Georgie Soros to kick in a few bucks, I understand he does ok. I think this set such a fantastic example to the children of America. When presented with a tough or unpleasant issue, it is always best to run away. In fairness, they did specify that they could only take the Miller Lites with them if they are 21; for those under 21, they recommend running away with their juice boxes…..very responsible.

Even the VP weighed in on this event, comparing this (what some say) adolescent petulant, hissy fit to the civil rights March on Selma. Some have attributed this utterly ridiculous statement to her lack of adequate rest, due to her strenuous 90 minute visit to El Paso, only a short month ago. When pressed on what policy changes she is taking to confront the border catastrophe- she got together with Ellen, put on their sneakers and laughed hysterically for 30 minutes straight, while dancing. It is amazing that she received less then 2% of the Democratic vote in the primaries. What were these people thinking? Her and her friend Willie Brown set a great example also, to the youth of America, as far as ethics and respectability.

You know Deano, I wanted to discuss the lovely, Grandmotherly Nancy Pelosi. She who is a self proclaimed devout Catholic, and boy does she ever set a religious, empathetic loving example. But, there is just too, too much to cover, perhaps later this week, we can circle back to her.

Lastly, Deano, I implore you to reach out to your fellow news outlets mainly CNN, and The Washington Post- to get them in line with their coverage of the artist Hunter Biden and Dad, Joey. For as usual you and your staff at The NY Times, never deviate. You only print unbiased, apolitical objective reporting with absolutely no hidden agenda. The example you set for our children is incalculable. How those who work at those propaganda machines can look at themselves in the mirror or more importantly at their innocent children is beyond me. Keep up the fantastic work there, Deano.

Dangerous New Freedom Variant Causing People To Ignore Government And Live Their Lives

U.S.—Experts are warning of yet another new problem facing the nation: They’ve spotted a new, more dangerous freedom variant spreading among the populace. This freedom is so virulent that people infected by it feel they can ignore government edicts about masks and lockdowns.

“Usually, the freedom we see in the wild is fairly mild,” explained CDC official Hubert Pratt. “It’s just freedom to passionately express one of the approved viewpoints on social media or freedom to pick one of the three Obamacare options. But now we see people acting like politicians aren’t in charge of them at all, and it’s dangerous.”

With the new freedom variant, there’s been an outbreak of people not wearing masks, teaching their children their own values, and expressing ideas the Biden Administration would rather they not. Moreover, this freedom is highly contagious, even sometimes breaking into blue states once thought to be immune.

Experts recommend only staying on highly moderated social media sites and watching approved network news to avoid being infected. They also tell people to watch out for the signs of this dangerous freedom variant in others: masklessness, smiling, and prominent displays of the American flag.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

CNN Airs Hour-Long PSA On Warning Signs Of Dementia

CINCINNATI, OH—As part of a campaign to raise awareness and improve public knowledge on treatment options, CNN aired an hour-long public service announcement on the warning signs of dementia Wednesday night.

The PSA, which ran over an hour, showed tragic footage of an old man ranting and making nonsensical, confusing statements.

CNN says they hope the footage will encourage family members of the elderly to get them tested for the early warning signs of dementia. The cable news channel displayed a phone number for a hotline people can call if they believe someone they know might be suffering from symptoms of the condition.

“If you or a loved one act like this man,” said Don Lemon, “please, we beg you, get help. Slurred speech, inaccurate statements, an inability to remember where you are—these are all signs that your loved one might be suffering from dementia, whether he’s retired or the president of the United States.”

“… and we’d take the rhubarb and we’d put it in the pie, right in the ol’ pie,” the old man said suddenly, in a rare moment of lucidity. “It was incredible. You wouldn’t think rhubarb would taste good, but it’s the sweetness. The strawberries. The strawberries. The strawberries. That’s what makes it work! Airplanes! Airplanes are neat, you know, but they’re a myth. How do they get them up there? They don’t—d-d-don’t even have feathers.”

Many of the attendees were touched by both the PSA and the old man.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Inspiring: US Women’s Soccer Team To Boycott Scoring Goals Until Racism Is Defeated

TOKYO—People were stunned after the U.S. women’s soccer team lost to Sweden in the Olympics this week by a score of 3-0—until the team revealed they are boycotting scoring any goals until racism is defeated.

“Yeah, we didn’t score any goals against Sweden last night, but that was totally on purpose,” said star player and beloved activist Megan Rapinoe. “This isn’t the time to score goals—when America is still racist. We totally could have beaten Sweden but we decided as a team that no goals will be scored until complete equality has been achieved in America. Also, we demand a hefty raise.”

Onlookers were stunned during the second half of the game when Rapinoe dribbled the ball all the way to Sweden’s unprotected goal and whispered “This is for you, people of color,” before kicking the ball straight into the air and running headfirst into the goalpost.

“This may be one of the most powerful performances in the history of sports,” said Teen Vogue‘s sportswriter who has never watched sports.

The U.S. Women’s team is demanding to remain in the Olympic tournament and promises to continue its streak of zero goals. Inspiring!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

CNN Introduces Premium Subscription Service That Blocks All CNN Programming From View

ATLANTA, GA—CNN has unveiled an exciting new subscription service, CNN+, that blocks all CNN programming from view for the low, low price of $15 per month.

The move is expected to save CNN from bankruptcy, as the highly anticipated feature already has millions of sign-ups. Many thought CNN would not recover from the post-Trump years, but it appears people will actually pay not to have to ever see CNN again.

“We’re giving the people what they want,” said Brian Stelter. “And what they want, apparently, is to see a whole lot less of me.”

Subscribers will never again have to see a CNN broadcast, whether they’re at the airport, a hotel lobby, or they accidentally surf on by the channel while trying to turn into a real news station. Advanced streaming technology allows CNN+ to detect when a subscriber is in the vicinity of a public television playing CNN, and the system will automatically block all programming from view.

People who subscribe to the higher tiers of the subscription platform will get additional perks, like three throws at Brian Stelter perched above a dunk tank. Oh, and it’s filled with alligators!


Babylon Bee subscriber Dan Dillon contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by the Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

Desperate Humanity Sends Robot Back To 2004 To Stop Mark Zuckerberg From Ever Inventing Facebook

CAMBRIDGE, MA—With humanity languishing under the evil tyranny of Facebook, everyday citizens have pooled their resources together to send a killer robot back in time to 2004 to prevent Mark Zuckerberg from inventing the wicked technological scourge in the first place.

“We’ve created the ultimate bionic A.I. humanoid to find Zuckerberg and prevent this dark future before it begins,” said Bubba Crullers, head technician on the project. “We’re not trying to kill him or anything– instead, we’ve programmed the robot to befriend young Mark and try to get him really into World of Warcraft, or introduce him to a really beautiful but controlling girlfriend, or make him take up bass guitar and join a lousy punk band, or convince him to study abroad in Tibet and become a monk.”

“Whatever works– we don’t care. We just have to stop Facebook.”

Experts predict that as soon as the robot’s mission is completed, utopia will instantly break out around the earth, no one will ever believe any misinformation about anything ever again, and conservative uncles will have more time to watch World War II documentaries.

(Update: According to sources, the robot has completed its mission, which unfortunately caused young Zuckerberg to focus his energy on uploading his consciousness to a globally-connected supercomputer and he now rules the world. So, that backfired. All hail Zuck!)

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Dangerous Anti-Science Extremists Hold Super-Spreader Event In D.C.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The World Health Organization has issued a travel warning for anyone traveling to D.C. this week since according to several reports, a plane full of COVID infected anti-science extremists from Texas have flown to the nation’s capital and are conducting deadly super-spreader events there.

“According to eyewitnesses, these Grandma-killing monsters didn’t even wear masks on the plane,” said WHO Director Bill Who. “It’s absolutely frightening to think that there are still kooky science deniers like this still running around out there spreading COVID from their disgusting maskless mouths.”

According to the Secret Service, several of these extremists attempted to literally murder Vice President Kamala Harris with COVID by meeting up with her and shaking hands while not wearing masks.

“This is sociopathic,” said local elderly D.C. resident Joe Biden. “It makes ya wonder what kind of misinformation these genocidal maniacs have been reading on the Facebook.”

Authorities say the extremists are still at large and should be considered extremely dangerous.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Jen Psaki Banned From Social Media For Spreading Misinformation

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden administration has decided to crack down hard on those who spread covid misinformation on social media. Because of this, Press Secretary Jen Psaki has been promptly and permanently removed from all social media platforms.

“We take this ban very seriously,” a Biden official said. “Ol’ Jen had an enormous reach online, and our system received so many notifications of misinformation by her that she was automatically removed.”

Psaki now has a lifetime ban on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TiKTok, and even lower traffic sites such as AOL Instant Messenger.  The social media ban is as thorough as it is severe in hopes of teaching others a lesson about spreading misinformation.

Many people were surprised to see the government ban the press secretary, but it seems that even they were fooled by the onslaught of misinformation. They just regret that they didn’t see it and ban her sooner.

“Our algorithms confirmed that Jen Psaki spreads more misinformation in one press conference than most other people do in their entire lives,” said Mark Zuckerberg after he confirmed Facebook would permanently be removing her from the social network. “We expected it to just get far-right QAnon crazies, but the algorithm doesn’t lie. All hail the algorithm!”

“All hail the algorithm!” chanted his army of Facebook interns standing dutifully nearby.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Facebook Introduces New ‘Report Post To The White House’ Button

MENLO PARK, CA—As part of an attempt to slow the spread of misinformation on its platform, Facebook has introduced a new “report post to the White House” button.

The feature allows you to flag posts for the Biden administration to review for misinformation. Handy for opinions you disagree with, comments critical of the government, and any expressions of freedom or other anti-government sentiments, the button will instantly cause any post to be reviewed by the current administration. Biden staffers can then check whether or not the post violates its standards of truth and flag the user for further monitoring by the government.

“We applaud Facebook, our new fourth branch of government, for taking these steps,” said Jen Psaki. “This will go a long way to helping us suppress information we find displeasing.”

Those who get flagged multiple times will be candidates for reeducation in Biden’s Gulags for Spreaders of Misinformation or a reduced “social credit score.”

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

10 Things That Are Worse Than The Civil War According To Joe Biden

The American Civil War was pretty bad, but there are a lot of things that have happened since then. Some of them are even worse than the Civil War. Just ask Joe Biden. Over his short presidency, he has already compared all ten of these things to the Civil War:

1. Republicans asking people to show ID at the polls – Literally just as bad as Gettysburg.

2. The Jan. 6 attack on the capitol, where millions died – Literally just as bad as Antietam.

3. His favorite ice cream shop being out of chocolate chocolate chip – Biden freaked out over this one, calling it “the worst attack on democracy since Lincoln was shot by Lee Harvey Oswald.”

4. Matlock getting canceled – Hoo boy, was he furious about this.

5. That one time a reporter asked him an actual question – The one time this happened in all of human history, he said it was “just like that Gettysburg thing.”

6. “You know, the thing!” – We aren’t sure what he was talking about here, but it was definitely worse than the Civil War.

7. Taco Bell discontinuing the Caramel Apple Empanada – OK, he’s got a point here.

8. Catholic priests denying him Communion for not believing Catholic things – A true outrage and definitely worse than the ACW.

9. When the world was destroyed in World War 3 back in February 2020 – You probably don’t even remember this war between us and Iran. Because you’re dead.

10. The New York Post reporting on his son’s laptop – Pickett’s Charge has nothing on this national tragedy.

Is Joe right about these? What things have happened in your life that are worse than the Civil War? Let us know in the comments!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Gettysburg Monuments To Be Replaced With Memorial To The Millions Killed By Voter ID Laws

GETTYSBURG, PA—President Biden issued an executive order today instructing the National Park Service to begin tearing down all the monuments at Gettysburg National Military Park so they can be replaced with memorials to all the millions killed by Republican laws asking people to show ID to vote.

“These new voting laws are way more deadly than the Civil War ever was,” Biden said during a press conference announcing the new executive order. “We need to make sure we remember all those killed by Republicans’ murderous laws asking people to show ID and mail in their ballots in a reasonable timeframe.”

Monuments will include large marble renderings of polling places and ballot boxes. Plaques will invite visitors to the hallowed Voting Law Memorial National Park to reflect on the millions of people literally murdered by Republicans who want them to show a photo ID to confirm the person casting the vote is legally allowed to vote.

“This will be a sacred ground for future generations to reflect on how bad these laws are.”

One reporter questioned whether Biden’s math was accurate, since “it seems unlikely that these laws are as bad of an attack on democracy as the Civil War was,” but Biden snapped back, calling the reporter a “no-good, snot-nosed Pomeranian baby” and reminding him that he knows this is worse than the Civil War, since he has lived through both.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

CNN Says Cuban Protests Likely Due To Climate Change

ATLANTA, GA—During a news report Wednesday, CNN anchors blamed the Cuban protests on “climate change,” saying the mass demonstrations against the communist government were likely due to global warming.

The cable news station told its dozens of viewers that global warming drove thousands of Cubans out of their homes, with the heat making them deliriously chant things like “Libertad!” and demand change from their socialist rulers. According to the station’s pundits, there’s “no way” protesters could be opposed to the love and compassion of a socialist government, leading them to conclude that the culprit here must be a rapidly warming globe caused by humans.

“It’s very tragic how climate change caused this terrible protest,” said CNN news reporter Ronald Mahogany, wincing at footage of Cubans holding the American flag and marching against their government. “We must demand action on climate from our government immediately if we want to stop further protests from taking place all over the globe. We’re just lucky this hasn’t happened in North Korea yet.”

“This all could have been prevented if we had just listened to Greta.”

At publishing time, CNN reporters had suggested an alternate theory, claiming that if it isn’t climate change, it must be Trump’s fault somehow.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Lego Figures Charged With Insurrection

Washington, DC — As news that one of the dangerous January 6 insurrectionists had a Lego Capitol taken from his home as evidence, further news has leaked that the FBI will likely charge many of his Lego mini-figures with weapons and conspiracy charges.

An unknown number of mini-figures was taken into custody. At least four were reportedly cooperating with law enforcement and may have been long-time FBI informants.

Neighbors report a small firefight had erupted from the basement of the house when officers tried to exercise a search warrant. Fred Fredrickson lives behind the house and claims to have witnessed the entire operation.

“I heard a knocking on his door at about 2 am, but they had the bust down the door because he wasn’t home, y’know? Then I clearly heard them from the basement sayin’ ‘I see you hiding in that fully constructed Roman Coliseum – come out with your little plastic gripper-things up!’ Then I hear ’em going ‘pew pew pew’ and making shooting sounds with his mouth,” he said.

Mr. Frederickson continued, “Then I seen some of them loaded into a Lego City Prisoner Transporter and noticed about half were wearing little red ball caps. You could just make out MAGA on them lil’ hats. I was terrified – they’ve been living next to me for five years!”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Panem Et Circenses from The Peoples Cube is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

‘You Just Don’t Understand Socialism Like I Do,’ Says College Freshman To Man Who Escaped Socialism On A Raft

MIAMI, FL—While on his way to a summer sociology course at the University of Miami, local college freshman Eddard Pollyton noticed a Cuban American man sitting on a bench. He took the time to lecture the man, who had escaped socialism on a raft when he was young, on why socialism is actually good and how he knows a lot more about socialism than people from socialist countries.

“Greetings!” Pollyton said. “I’m Eddard, he/him. I see from your skin color—which is the most important thing about you—that you are Cuban. Pretty sad how those Cubans aren’t appreciating the great social programs they have right now, am I right?”

The man stared dumbfounded as the student went on and on about private ownership of the means of production, the plight of the proletariat, and the need for the workers to unite and work for the common good. He explained to the man who had nearly starved to death as a child and only survived because his parents had put him on a raft and dared a dangerous sea voyage across the Gulf of Mexico that Cubans have some of the best healthcare, free food and medicine, and literacy programs in the world.

Finally, the man had heard enough. “Get out of here. You young people have no idea what socialism is like, man.”

“Wait a minute—did you just assume my gender?”

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

‘Vaccines Should Be Mandatory,’ Says Woman Wearing My Body, My Choice T-Shirt

PORTLAND, OR—During a conversation at work Monday, local woman Reighnye Leighton argued that the government should just mandate that everyone get vaccinated. She made this argument as she wore her favorite, well-worn “My Body, My Choice” T-shirt.

“Vaccines should be mandatory,” said the woman who goes out and protests every weekend that she should be able to get an abortion at any time because it’s “her body, her choice.”

Leighton argued that though people do have a right to privacy and to make their own healthcare decisions, ultimately, the government can overrule that if it’s in the interest of saving innocent lives. “If it saves one life, it’s worth it,” she added, though she believes every woman in the nation has the right to end a life inside of her if it becomes inconvenient.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.