Kamala, Decision Maker?

I hope today finds you well. Well, the Harris administration has finally silenced the radical right with Kamala’s historic trip down to the border. There she was at the epicenter of the border catastrophe down in El Paso. Her presence for approximately 90 minutes quelled all the issues she has been avoiding, I mean investigating, you know “root causes”.

She laid out some very definitive plans, a rock solid strategy to combat the issues at hand. Of course she realizes the root cause of this recent catastrophe- yep, you guessed it, it is President Trump’s fault. As far as any plans moving forward and what needs to get done, well that part is a little sketchy. She did say they have made “EXTREME PROGRESS”. When asked for specifics, she said she was pressed for time. It seems the layover in El Paso was only about 90 minutes before she was taking Air Force 2 to her toney Brentwood estate in California.

Her layover meeting was reminiscent of other great leaders and their decision making. FDR and later Harry Truman’s big 3 meetings during WWll come to mind. Or possibly, JFK confronting Khrushchev in regards to the Cuban missile crisis, perhaps. Or maybe, Joey’s recent leadership skills with everybody else first, but the United States strategy. I see a Nobel Peace Prize or two in the making with the Harris administration. President Trump is a racist.

As usual, the radical right has to put their warped spin on Kamala’s monumental moment to shine in her administration’s fantastic accomplishments. Here are some of their blatantly racist and misogynistic takes on her trip.

First, they point out, that she was nowhere near the true epicenter of the border catastrophe. They say the point where illegals are flooding our once great country is McAllen Tx, approximately 800 miles from El Paso. They use the analogy, that it is the same as going to access hurricane damage in Florida by going to Washington DC.

They point out she didn’t visit children in cages (her and Joey’s words), her battle cry when President Trump was in office. These have conveniently become holding facilities for the kids under this administration, nevertheless she didn’t visit those either. They are saying her hypocrisy knows no bounds. That she has zero leadership skills, is in way over her head, and is an embarrassment to her office. I just wish the press would give her the same courtesy and handle her with kid gloves, the way they did with President Trump. You know Deano, like you guys do over at The Times, always unbiased and objective, just so apolitical, no nefarious agenda for you guys.

Then they question the timing of Kamala’s trip. As the lovely, Jen Psaki explained, the timing was just right, you know 93 days after being tapped as the border czar. On a side note, has there ever been a more honest, warm, personable, press secretary than Ole Jen? For the life of me, I can’t understand why Conservatives refer to her as the modern day Joseph Goebbels’s, princess of propaganda. The right is even saying it is NOW 96 days since Kamala has been to the border, saying the layover in El Paso was just a failed photo op, and a miserable failure that accomplished nothing, it doesn’t count.

Get this Deano, they are saying the absolute only reason she went at all, is because President Trump scheduled a trip to the border next week. Come on man, like Jen said, the timing was just right….obviously. I mean, just because it was 5 days before President Trump is scheduled to go, just a coincidence. Come on radical right, just a very strange coincidence, that’s all….I think.

Will President Trump be going to El Paso, or possibly Dallas, or Brentwood CA, or actually McAllen where the crisis it at it’s worst? Any word if he plans to stay longer than 90 minutes. Personally, I think staying any longer to investigate this minor inconvenience is a bit of overkill. Don’t you agree Deano? Does anyone know if Kamala stayed longer than 90 minutes once she reached her Brentwood estate?

Deano’s New Digs

Speaking of Kamala’s estate reminded me, that you too have purchased a new estate out in Larchmont, California Deano. According to published reports, the word is you may be leaving The Old Gray Lady and heading out to the L.A. Times. They said they didn’t notice the sale at first due to the fact it was purchased under the cover of a trust. These reporting outlets don’t miss a trick, Deano.

It looks like a lovely quaint, and what I have read, a very affluent hamlet. The only red flag I saw was, that its diversity is severely lacking. Maybe just an oversight by you Deano, but the African American population is less than 3%. Yikes, probably just an oversight, on your part.

Just curious, as I am not an expert on California geography, but are you close to Patrisse Khan-Cullors, the cofounder of BLM? She too recently purchased a 1.4 million dollar home in Topanga Canyon . Small world eh, Deano? I was shocked to learn she resigned her position with BLM. Was this before or after the purchase of this luxurious estate? Surprisingly though, her neighborhood is also severely lacking in diversity. I guess she didn’t do her homework either, as hers is over 88% white. Hopefully her moving there will invite other average African Americans to join her. President Trump is a racist.

By the way, what are all these Dino’s doing lately. I mean Bill Maher, doubting the Russian collusion fiction, I mean story, or him saying the Wuhan virus was used for political purposes. How about devout liberal Jon Stewart, shocking political pawn, I mean talk show host Stephen Colbert, by saying the Wuhan Virus was manufactured in a lab. The worst of all has to be the illustrious Los Angeles Times, now saying Kamala has been totally ineffective in her installed role of Vice President. You may want to reconsider working for that propaganda outfit Deano.

Well, that is it for today Deano. Keep up your utmost journalistic integrity, you guys exude over there at The Times. Keep providing such an excellent example to the children of this country. Keep on printing the news that is fit to print.

©Political Satire by Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.

Kids In Cages Disguise Selves As BLM Rioters In Hopes Of Kamala Freeing Them

U.S.-MEXICO BORDER—At a migrant child facility near the U.S.-Mexico border in southern Arizona, children caught wind of Kamala Harris coming to visit them, hearing her cackle from thousands of miles away.

“El diablo viene! El diablo viene! Dios mio!” cried hundreds of migrant children as they heard her approach. But quickly, a plan was hatched: the clever children decided to dress themselves up as “mostly peaceful protesters” in hopes that Kamala would raise their bail and free them from captivity.

Children from Central and South America dyed their hair purple, donned Che Guevara T-shirts, and began brandishing bricks and Molotov cocktails so that “la hiena del diablo” might see them and have mercy.

“It’s a genius plan,” said one CNN analyst. “Once she sees these poor kids looking like Antifa protesters and BLM rioters, surely she’ll realize they don’t need to be locked up. She’ll free them in no time.”

Unfortunately, Harris simply planted marijuana on them, locked them up forever, and began using them to make license plates.


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Pennsylvania Election Audit Shows Benjamin Franklin Voted For Biden

Op-Ed: You’ll Never Beat A Tyrannical Government With Just Guns

Party Controlling Executive, Legislative Branches Blames Minority Party For Everything Going Wrong

Upping The Ante: Trump Announces He Also Won Elections Of 1860, 1972, 2008

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

9 Careers More Appealing Than Being A Police Officer In 2021

Being a police officer in 2021 kiiiiiiinda sucks, since, you know, everyone will hate you and you’ll constantly be in fear of someone throwing a brick at your head or burning out your cop car just because. Well, we at The Babylon Bee have gathered up nine career choices that are MUCH more appealing than being a police officer in the current year. Check it out:

  1. Honeybadger catcher – Instead of trying to wrangle up Antifa members, just try to catch some wild honeybadgers. Much easier!
  2. Land mine tester – Much less deadly than policing in a Democrat-controlled city!
  3. MAGA hat salesman in Portland – Compared to being a cop in Portland, you’ll be loved and adored!
  4. Lori Lightfoot’s assistant – A bad career but not police officer bad.
  5. The guy at Facebook who has to examine photos flagged for having penises in them – This job sucks, but you’re not hated by all.
  6. Chrissy Teigen’s publicist – OK this one is getting pretty close to being as bad as a 2021 police officer.
  7. The guy at the recycling center who has to drink the last milk out of your plastic jugs – At least you know you’ll be doing it for Mother Earth!
  8. Your mom’s mirror – OOOOOH DAAAAAAANG!
  9. Christian movie reviewer – Alright, even we admit being a cop might be more appealing than watching every Christian movie that comes out.

Well, little would-be police officers in elementary school: pick one of these careers and get going!


Nation’s Libertarians Renew Push For 365 Federal Holidays A Year

California Public Schools Ban Teaching Of Critical Thinking

Write-In Candidate Seth Moore Elected As President Of The Southern Baptist Convention

Victoria’s Secret To Replace Angels With Fattest Woman Of All Time: Your Mom

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserve.

Planned Parenthood Celebrates 104 Years Of Preventing Fatherhood

NEW YORK, NY—In honor of Father’s Day, Planned Parenthood put out a press release reminding the organization’s followers that they have been preventing people from becoming fathers for nearly 105 years.

Planned Parenthood spokespersons say the organization is passionate about fatherhood and making sure that men who become fathers have the opportunity to pressure their baby mamas into killing their children.

“We’re proud to honor fathers today. Fathers are a large part of what we do here at Planned Parenthood. Well, ending fatherhood, anyway, and making sure that men never become fathers,” said a Planned Parenthood spokesperson. “And if they do accidentally become fathers, we can shut that down too. Ask us how!”

The organization is even running specials for Father’s Day, with two for one abortions being offered all day long.

At publishing time, the organization had issued an apology for implying that only men can have fatherhood prevented and that “both birthing and non-birthing persons can be fathers and also have their non-gender-specific children aborted at any time during pregnancy.”

RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE: Report: People Have Been Thinking All White Men Are Terrible But It Turns Out It’s Just Steve

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

VIDEO: Five Troubling Signs That Your Baby Might Be A White Supremacist

Newborns can be a lot of work. Diapers, lack of sleep, and the possibility that they are racist. These five tips could help!


Congress Passes Law To Recognize Juneteenth, The Day Republicans Freed All The Democrats’ Slaves

Biden Announces Putin Meeting Was A Success, Hunter Now Has A Job With Russian Pipeline

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Kim Jong Un Attends Ivy League University To Learn New Brainwashing Techniques

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Federal Judge Rules That Jewish Baker Must Make ‘Death To Israel’ Cake For Arab Customer

NEW YORK, N.Y.—A federal appeals court judge has ruled that a Jewish bakeshop owner must comply with his Arab customer’s request to bake a “Death To Israel” cake.

Jacob Greenstein, the owner of Jake Bakes Cakes in Brooklyn, said the controversy started after a customer ordered a special Hamas-themed “Death To Israel” cake for his son’s sixth birthday party.

“He wanted me to bake a cake with the words “DEATH TO ISRAEL” on the top in bold lettering,” Greenstein said. “He offered me extra money if I could put a few Jewish dead bodies on the sides. I thought it was offensive since I’m an Israeli Jew, so I politely declined.”

Greenstein said the customer was enraged at his refusal and took the matter to court. After Greenstein won at trial, the customer eventually appealed to a federal circuit court where a judge overturned the ruling.

“The American right to cake is just as sacred as the right to kill unborn babies, choose your own pronouns, and vote by mail without showing ID or proof of citizenship,” the judge said in his scathing 12-page ruling. “As such, I decree that Jake Bakes Cakes must bake the ‘Death To Israel’ cake.”

“Furthermore, the cake must be chocolaty and delicious, with buttercream frosting that’s sweet but not too overpowering,” the judge continued. “And everyone must wear masks while baking it, lest any COVID particles get into the batter. Thus sayeth the government.”

Greenstein said he plans to appeal the decision all the way to the supreme court if necessary, but that he’s having trouble finding a lawyer. “Most of the law firms I’ve talked to said they’re refusing to take my case because I’m Jewish,” he said.


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Biden Humiliates Putin By Besting Him In Ice Cream Eating Contest

Report: Internet Users Who Call For Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted In The Military Automatically

With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Trump Announces He Is Building 1,954-Mile Long Trump Hotel Along Southern Border

RIO GRANDE CITY, TX—Trump flew to America’s southern border this week to announce a brand-new Trump hotel unlike anything the world has ever seen. The planned hotel will be almost 2,000 miles long and will be situated right on the southern border.

“Yes folks, I’m proud to announce we are building a big, beautiful, golden Trump hotel on the southern border,” said Trump to reporters. “Land just happens to be really cheap down here, what can I say? The border just looks terrible ever since Sleepy Joe ‘Loserface’ Biden stole the presidency from me. Just a disgrace. I’ll bet he can’t even build a wall as fast and cheap as I can build my new Trump hotel. Watch!”

The luxurious hotel will also include an 800-mile golf course and a 1,000-mile lazy tubing river. The southern wall will be a gleaming and impenetrable barrier with Trump’s name emblazoned on it every couple of miles.

“Everyone, of all creeds, nationalities, and skin colors can enter my hotel, as long as they enter my hotel legally,” Trump clarified. “The only ones not allowed in my hotel are Sleepy Joe, Cacklin’ Kamala, and maybe Rosie O’Donnell.”

According to sources who have seen the blueprints, the hotel will have plenty of entrances, but only on the north side of the building for some reason.


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Congress Passes Law To Recognize Juneteenth, The Day Republicans Freed All The Democrats’ Slaves

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

In Honor Of Pride Month, Biden Announces He Will Also Sniff Men’s Hair

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a televised address this week, President Biden voiced support for the LGBTQ community and promised to honor them with a commitment to not only sniff women’s hair, but also men’s hair.

“Look– I’ve been sniffing the hair of women and girls for many decades,” said Biden. “It’s time for me to recognize the accomplishments of the LGBT folks. I’m maybe gonna get in trouble for this, but if you’re a man, I just may sniff your hair. That’s because I’m not homophobic. I ain’t afraid to sniff a dude! Come on, man!”

Biden was then quickly led off the podium by his wife before he could say any more.

“Every gender! I’ll sniff ’em all!” Biden yelled, protesting as he was dragged out of sight of the crowd.

According to sources, no gay men have taken up Biden on his offer to sniff their hair. However, hundreds of straight male journalists have lined up outside the White House clapping and cheering, hoping for their chance to be sniffed by the President.

Brian Stelter went to bed crying, as he had no hair for President Biden to sniff.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

World’s Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees

CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth’s crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds.

Witnesses reported feeling a low rumble beneath their feet as Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau, Angela Merkel, and others gathered on the green grass for a photo op. The rumble grew to a roar as the ground below them opened up and dragged every G7 leader into the depths of the earth. The ground then closed up over them and they were never heard from again.

“Hey guys, please remember to use my preferred pronouns,” Trudeau had begun to say. “We need to be sensitive to– AAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Experts are unsure who will be taking over the important work of running the planet, issuing random lockdown orders, and fighting climate change in the absence of such brilliant and courageous leaders.

“This is such a disaster. What will we ever do without them?” said 1 or 2 people around the world.

World governments have assured their citizens they will continue the important work of building back better for everyone. American citizens will be mourning the terrible loss this weekend with backyard barbecues.


People Who Ruined World’s Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World’s Economies

Texas Governor Signs Executive Order Donating City Of Austin To California

Far-Right Apostle Paul Bans Teaching Critical Race Theory In Churches

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Oh, those pesky questions to Nancy, Kamala and Joey

I hope today finds you well. Well the radical right is off to the races again. Common targets are the usual suspects, Joey, Kamala and even the face of the Democratic Party, Nancy Pelosi.

It seems the right has a habit of asking these annoying questions at all the wrong times. Well, our patriotic leaders are having none of it. Let’s look at each case, shall we Deano.


Recently, Nancy had an exchange with a reporter, from none other than that bastion of unbiased reporting CNN, namely Dana Bash. Well, it seem Dana had the audacity to ask Nancy about the infighting between the squad and more moderate Democrats.

Let me refresh your memory, it stems from when Ilhan Omar made a comment equating the United States to Hamas and the Taliban. So far it seems like a very reasonable statement wouldn’t you agree Deano? Then AOC, (I see her in the White House some day, so eloquent and intelligent), starts supporting Omar publicly. Well, not to be outdone, Rashida Tlaib starts criticizing Nancy with her tweets.

This is when Dana started to press Nancy for specifics. Nancy said, she spoke to Omar and she clarified her comments, and we thanked her. That was nice of Nancy to thank Omar, don’t you think? Well, Dana kept asking for more specific information, that is when Nancy had had enough. She stated again, she clarified, and we thanked her, END OF SUBJECT! Very Don Corleone like. Too bad she didn’t go over and rip up the reporters notes, she has been know to do that before.

I thought Ole Nancy was crystal clear. Why the Gestapo tactics, by of all people, CNN. Well, now she knows not to push Nancy for such frivolous details, like what was actually said. This reminds me of when Nancy lost patience with a reporters question during the second farce, I mean impeachment of President Trump. When told Senator Graham planned on calling witnesses, you know, if the Democrats decide to call witnesses. It seems the Senator wanted to question the FBI on who actually planned the attack on the Capitol, January 6th. He also had questions regarding what happened with the security footprint of the Capitol, and who ultimately is responsible.

Well, Nancy’s reply to the reporter was both professional and a textbook Democratic response. She simply stated, your question is a waste of time……simply brilliant, what leadership.

It seems the radical right took off with this question posed by CNN reporter Dana Bash. Saying, it now seems obvious that the radical progressive faction of the Democratic Party, answers to no one. Not even the esteemed leader of the House, Speaker Nancy Pelosi. They point out the major mouthpieces of the party Nancy Pelosi, and Chuck Schumer have been silenced by 4 radicals, named the squad. Even Jerry Nadler, is uncharacteristically quiet, he is busy though, working on the latest farce, spygate.

They point out that whenever there is a tough question to answer, they do one of 3 things.

  1. React angrily, such as Nancy did in this exchange; or possibly Joey, when questioned by a reporter about Trump sanctions still in place. You know, when Ole Joe leaned into the microphone at the G7 presser and said, I’ve only been in office 120 days, give me time some time man. Well first, it is 145 days, and second, he shut down the Keystone pipeline, his first day on the job. By the way, he prefaced that by saying he was going to get in trouble for taking a question from this reporter. Who in the world is the POTUS answering to, the right asks. That may be a question Jen Psaki can circle around to. President Trump is a racist.
  2. Try and deflect, such as Kamala did recently. With her bizarre, (as per CNN) answer that she also has never been to Europe, when again questioned as to why she hasn’t been to the Southern border. Or, admonishing a reporter, when asked for a specific timeframe. Also, who can forget her trademark and totally inappropriate cackle as a failed deflection tactic. They say her cackle and dance routines on Ellen may have worked on cushy talk show appearances, but as the VP, she just looks like an incompetent fool, who is in way over her head.
  3. Just walk away. As Joey has done on numerous occasions, especially when the subject of Hunter comes up. Whether it is in regards to his $83,000 a month board of directors job for a Burisma energy company or his other multiple indiscretions. This while the big guy, aka VP Joey Biden had the Ukraine fire a prosecutor who was investigating this same energy company. This while threatening to withhold U.S. funds from the Ukraine, unless this happened. As Joey himself said, son of bitch wouldn’t ya know it, the guy fired by the end of the day. Boy, then they just yucked it up. What a diplomat, no sense of impropriety there, huh Deano? I know so, because it is never mentioned in your publication. What does the radical right see that we don’t? Joe always just walks away, when he doesn’t like the question, like a true professional. Unless you push his buttons, then he may challenge you to a push up contest. I can’t wait for Wednesday when Joey meets with Putin. I hope they put in a few more secret service agents to hold Joey back. President Trump is a racist.

The radical right goes on to say these liberal propaganda outlets, cover all these gross improprieties and incompetence, while directing all the anger and hatred for FORMER President Trump. They goes so far as to give this analogy. If President Trump were to cure cancer, the next day The New York Times headline would read…..Trump Plans To Put Doctors Out Of Work! You wouldn’t do that, would you Deano?

One last question Deano in regards to Joey. Is there any truth from the radical right, to when they asked Joey, what his favorite ice cream is? Did he really say Syria or Libya, he likes them just the same?

Thank you for your due diligence in finding out the facts and your honest, unbiased, apolitical reporting. Now, we just have to get CNN back on track. As always, you and your paper are a shining example to our children, showcasing your journalistic integrity. Kudos on a job well done!

©Political satire by Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.

Kamala Starting To Crack

It seems Kamala’s perpetual smile and giddy laughter is becoming less and less these days.  Maybe it was those Guatemalan’s holding banners saying , Trump won, go home.  I’m not even sure this is true, seeing as though there was no mention of that in your paper.  So, I’m assuming it never happened , seeing that I know you demand integrity and diligence  from your staff.

Maybe, it the question she hears everywhere she go these days……when are you going to visit the border?  The radical right has been relentless on this coverage.

Stating that Heels Harris had no problem visiting the border when President Trump was in office.  Her outrage of the deplorable conditions down there was great theatre. Showing pictures of “children in cages”.  Those cages that were instituted under Barack Hussein Obama, by the way.  I tried to reach out to Barack, but he was at his second home, the 29 acre estate on Martha’s Vineyard.  The cages  she now calls “children’s holding facilities”.  Her vernacular seems to change……..seeing that it is now a reflection of HER administration now.

The radical right keeps playing her little hissy fit, where she says, she has never been to Europe either!  I’m not really sure what that was supposed to mean?  Anyway, you didn’t mention a word of it, so it must not be relevant.  I know you would have given the same consideration to President Trump.  I always say ,under your personal leadership your reporters are always fair, unbiased, and apolitical.

They keep commenting that this installed administration is inept.  They say it’s a toss up on who is more incompetent, Kamala who is in way over her head, or cognitively challenged Joey.  They point to the blatant hypocrisy, double standards and outright lies being proliferated by the soulless left wing media.

I just worry that that effervescent smile and schoolyard girl giggle will disappear.  Maybe a quest spot on the View with the lovely and talented Joy Behar. (Just leave out the part where Joy dressed in blackface).  Or possibly a guest spot with everyone’s favorite Ellen. Maybe they could rehash their President Trump death joke, that is always a crowd pleaser. They better hurry though Ellen will be signing off soon.  Oh ,those pesky complaints of a toxic work environment.  Maybe her staff could go to work for Andy Cuomo, I understand he is a joy to work with.

Speaking of Andy there Deano, when is The Old Gray Lady going to come out and endorse Old Andy.  Why the hold up?

Thank you for all you do, to report the news that is fit to print.  You are a guiding light for our children, in regards to honestly and fair play.   When are you heading out to the new digs around Los Angeles.  Nice to soak up some sun, in that 2.1 million dollar estate. See honest hard work still pays off.  Kudos.

©Political Satire by Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.

NOT POLITICAL SATIRE VIDEO: Kamala Cackles About Not Visiting Border.

Biden: ‘If You Don’t Use The N-Word, You Ain’t My Son!’

WASHINGTON, D.C.— An enraged Joe Biden attacked the media this morning for targeting his son over the use of N-word, stating that such language only confirmed that Hunter is, in fact, his son.

“Why in tarnation are these bright, articulate, clean-looking black people all upset? You know how I talk about black people, heck you’ve heard me saying this stuff for forty years! He’s my son for crying out loud – if you don’t do things like confuse being black with being poor, well then you ain’t my son, bucko!”

For his part, Hunter explained that he was extremely, extremely high when he typed those text messages and in fact has no recollection of ever doing so, or of the past 30 years. He did say, however, that he was pretty sure he had gotten a “Presidential N-Word Pass” from his dad’s black friend, so he was pretty sure it was cool.

Brian Stelter jumped to Hunter’s defense by spending his entire news segment repeatedly saying the N-word, arguing that it really is a form of anti-racism, much like segregation. Twitter and Facebook will now allow the term as well, reportedly to help “decolonize the term’s racist roots.”

“We’re all Democrats here, which I think makes us part black anyways, so let’s just put this behind us. I just don’t get what the big deal is about saying n-“, said Biden, just before he was tackled by a group of aides and ushered to safety.


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New York Times Relocates Offices To Beijing So Reporters Won’t Have To See So Many ‘Disturbing’ American Flags

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

Democrats Demand Republicans Pay Them Reparations For Freeing Their Slaves

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats in Washington are demanding reparations from the Republican Party for the massive financial losses of Democrats following the emancipation of the slaves.

“It’s been many years, and still, this grave injustice has not been corrected,” said Chuck Schumer in a joint press conference with Nancy Pelosi. “Our Democrat ancestors faced decades of financial ruin after the Republicans came in and freed all their slaves. Extremely unfair. It must be corrected now.”

Detractors of the proposed reparations plan insist that Democrats and Republicans held a secret meeting in the ’60s and decided to switch positions on slavery and racism, and are arguing it may be hard to track down who should pay reparations and who shouldn’t.

“This isn’t complicated,” said Pelosi. “Republicans must pay. Yeah, slavery is bad and all that, but Republicans must face justice and pay reparations.”

According to sources, reparations paid by Republicans to Democrats will then be paid as reparations to black-owned organizations to atone for the sin of slavery, which will then be sent back to the democrat party to assist in reelection campaigns.


Harry And Meghan Announce Birth Of Beautiful ‘Half-Oppressed, Half-Privileged Baby’

Governor Gavin Newsom Announces He’s Using His Emergency Powers To Wish For More Emergency Powers

Pride Month Canceled After It’s Revealed LGBTQ Community Culturally Appropriated Sign Of Noahic Covenant

Elon Musk Excited To Once Again Be Richest Man On Earth While Jeff Bezos Is In Space

Disney Announces New Movie Giving Sympathetic Origin Story To Kamala Harris

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Kamala’s Dilemma

I am here to reach out to The New York Times, and especially to their executive editor Dean Baquet, to get their input on Kamala’s historic trip to Guatemala.

After putting on her diplomatic genius for all the world to see, she is being bombarded with criticism, some of it from her own party. I understand AOC is outraged. What is the world coming to when a Patriot like Kamala gets attacked. Always putting the needs and welfare of this country and it’s citizen’s as her top priority. With an occasional break for a pastry or two.

Well the right has been showing what they call, a national embarrassment of her trip non stop. I was hoping to see the Old Gray Lady come to her defense, but all I saw was a small AP story yesterday. It must be a deadline issue, yeah that must be it.


Well for months now, the radical right has been harping on the Harris administration to get down to the border. So after just a few short months that dynamo Kamala flew into the Guatemalan/ Mexican border. Which by the way is just about 2,500 miles away from the US/Mexican border. Does it really matter that much, radical right? After all it is still a border, sheesh.

Let’s look at what this trailblazer accomplished on her first diplomatic trip, shall we. Well her main goal was to identify the root causes of this border catastrophe. I agree wholeheartedly with Kamala, you want to do in-depth research while a catastrophe gets exponentially worse by the day. You can never have enough data, I say.

Of course these Conservatives are screaming from the roof tops that the crisis at OUR border needs to be addressed immediately. That flat out says this is a result of reversing all of President Trump’s very successful policies, not investigating “root causes”. They claim Joey’s rapid fire executive orders are an utter failure. The right calls these actions plain vindictive and grossly incompetent.

They point out the trafficking of young children, rampant influx of drugs including fentanyl, people being left for dead as they march to the border in Biden/Harris tee shirts. More and more cages for children being built, I mean holding facilities. Kamala has changed her description on these cages over the last 5 months or so.

Illegal immigrants being bused to airports and flown out in the dead of night under the shroud of secrecy, to avoid any media detection. But those pesky right wing media groups did indeed get footage of this happening. You know, in line with when they caught Pete Buttigieg having secret service pull his bike out of a van, close to his office, you know, so he could claim how green he was by peddling to work. President Trump is a racist.

Well, Kamala’s retort was the main problem for the influx of illegal immigrants was climate change. There, take that radical right! I guess the climate must have really changed since President Trump left office. I guess, it must be attributed to El Niño. Let’s go with that Deano, El Niño is the cause of the catastrophe at the border, our border that is.

The only thing that is a little confusing is she is telling illegals not to come now. Her administration previously said all are welcome. I mean, she just listed the root cause as climate change. I mean, does she want these poor people to remain there and possibly get sunburn? You can see the quandary here, quite vexing. I know AOC is not happy, she would like to have a word with her, maybe after she takes care of her Grandma’s house in Puerto Rico.


Well talk about ingratitude, after Kamala treks all the way to the wrong border, to identify the problem of illegal immigration. You know, the root cause of ALL of this is climate change, and possibly a little government corruption.

Well, Guatemalan President Alejandro Giammattei, gave his opinion. He lays the blame squarely on the Biden administration, not this climate change nonsense that Kamala is touting. I mean, of all the nerve. Then during their meeting with the press, one reporter had the audacity to ask Kamala why she hasn’t visited the US/Mexican border? Well, without skipping a beat and looking, oh so comfortable and confident, stammered and said, I’m not getting caught up in these Republican games! Fantastic representation of our country and oh so professional, really shows her in-depth insight, and how she stays cool under pressure.

My question, who vetted these reporters down there in Guatemala? I mean don’t they know we usually supply the Harris administration with pictures of reporters who ask tough questions, you know, like Joey has at all his press conferences. Well, I mean his one and only scripted, I mean unrehearsed presser. Well, anyway President Trump is a racist.

Word is, Kamala demanded her cookie back that she gave to Mr Giammattei earlier in the day. Rumor from the right is that the secret service we’re running after his motorcade screaming for her cookie back. Damn scoundrel! I always thought the old cookie trick was a shoe in. It worked wonderfully for “Dr” Jill Biden as she gave them out to the National guard after they were forced to sleep on the floor of the DC parking garage. Where she get the time to bake is beyond me. Maybe they were from Joey’s midday after work supply.


The coverage from this highly successful trip has been nonstop. Well, from the right that is, not all that much from you media icons from the left, you guys the beloved CNN too.

How about Rino Lester Holt grilling obviously exhausted Kamala ( poor woman hadn’t had a pastry for hours), if she had any plans to visit the border. Well Kamala said, THEY have been to the border! But Old Lester fired back…..you specifically, when will you go to the border, you’ve never been yet? Well the unflappable Kamala replied, well I haven’t been to Europe either. What a brilliant comeback, Old Lester just seemed speechless. That was her JFK, FDR, shining oratory moment, breathtaking. Of course, she emphasized her point with her lilting ,coquettish, girlish laughter. Some from the right refer to it as a form of Tourette’s Syndrome. I also understand, she looked out the window of her plane when it passed over the actual border in crisis. It was a little fuzzy from 35,000 feet, but she gets the picture.

The right says, she is so used to being treated with kid gloves from liberal propaganda hacks, that she has folded like a cheap suit when put under scrutiny. They claim her ineptitude for her job title was on full display for the world to see. The right claims, if one or two more questions put the spotlight on her incompetence, she would have broken down into tears, like a young schoolgirl.

Well thank goodness for honest, unbiased reporting from you guys at The Times, Deano. Always showing both sides of the story, always apolitical. A shining example to our children on how to present yourself in a unscrupulous and respectable manner. That is why I was happy to see your minuscule coverage of this developing disaster. Kudos on a job well done.

©Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.

More Democrat Governors Moving To Florida To Escape Their Own COVID Policies

U.S.—A shocking study has found an increasing number of Democratic state governors are fleeing to Florida, desperate to escape the ravages of their own COVID lockdown policies.

The report found that Governors Whitmer, Newsom, and Cuomo have already secretly purchased homes in The Sunshine State.

“Let me be clear. Florida is a deep dark pit of deep right-wing darkness,” said Newsom as he watched his servants pack up his U-Haul. “But also, their restaurants are actually still in business, and I’m really hungry.”

The study also found that Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York has secretly been making trips to Florida since last year, mainly due to the fact that no one lives in New York anymore and he gets lonely sometimes. “Listen,” he said while eating a meatball sub he had made himself since there were no sub shops left in New York, “even a guy like me needs someone to talk to every once in a while. That’s why I’m movin’ to Florida.”

Governor Ron DeSantis has expressed concern over the influx of Democrat Governors clamoring to get into the state and has mandated that they all quarantine for at least a year before mixing with the general populace.


LeBron: ‘Me And My Team Have Decided To Boycott The Playoffs In The Name Of Social Justice’

Concerns Arise Over Jen Psaki’s Physical Health After Her Statement That Biden Is ‘Hard To Keep Up With’

Gavin Newsom Tries To Woo Californians Back By Disguising State As Texas

Covert Navy SEAL Team Really Starting To Regret Wearing These Pride Month Uniforms

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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