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Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby co-author book ‘The Art of Schlonging’ — Trump responds

art of schlonging book coverAt a joint press conference former President Bill Clinton and comedian Bill Cosby announced they will co-author a new tell all book. The title of the book is The Art of Schlonging.

This announcement comes as Mr. Cosby has been formally charged with drugging and sexually assaulting Temple University employee Andrea Constand. The new book will be published by Robert Charles Joseph Edward Sabatini “Bob” Guccione, the founder of the adult magazine Penthouse. Mr. Guccione in a press release said:

This book will revolutionize sex in America. It is time for all sexual perverts to come out of the closet and be proud of their unique gifts. We will begin to tell the real story of the two Bills. Trust me, you will not be able to put the book down.

We are on the cusp of a second sexual revolution. Schlongers of the world unite!

Anthony Wiener, American politician and former U.S. representative who served New York’s 9th District, and his wife Huma Abedin, former senior aide to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, have agreed to do the forward to The Art of Schlonging. Wiener and Abedin noted, “We are proud of Bill and Hillary Clinton, our mentors in so many ways. We are honored to be asked by President Clinton to do the forward to his and Bill Cosby’s new book. We have patterned our marriage after theirs and wish Bill and Bill well.”

Mr. Cosby stated:

I am happy to partner, pun intended, with my best friend and sexual mentor Bill Clinton on The Art of Schlonging. Bill has always been my idol when it comes to schlonging. We first learned about our mutual interest at a White House dinner when I happened to walk in to the Oval Office to find Miss Lewinsky on her knees in front of the President.

I initially thought that Monica was doing what other Clinton supporters did, bowing down to America’s first black president, no offence to Barack. I then realized that Bill and I shared something much deeper, pun intended, than our first names. I am sure Monica knows what I mean.

clinton monicaFormer President Clinton noted:

It is a great pleasure to write a book about my pleasures, LOL. Bill Cosby is one of the great actors of our time. I can appreciate that because I acted like the good husband to Hillary for 50 years.  Bill and I have been discussing doing this joint, LOL, project for some time.

We finally decided to do it now to help get the word out that schlonging isn’t a bad thing, so long as you don’t get caught. We will show other young actors and up and coming, LOL, politicians how to get it, without getting caught at it.

Bill and I have agreed that all the proceeds from our book will go to the Bill and Hillary Clinton Foundation.

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Alex Amouyel

Alex Amouyel, Director of Programs for the Clinton Foundation, said, “The money will be used to help young women addicted to powerful men and those who would accept a drink from Bill Cosby.”

Monica Lewinsky gave a short statement, “I did not have sex with that man.”

The Walt Disney Company has bought the movie rights to The Art of Schlonging. The working title for the movie is Fifty Shades of Bill and Bill. Rumor has it that Quentin Tarantino, known for his non-linear story-lines, satirical subject matter, and anesthetization of violence, will produce and Oscar winning pedophile Roman Polanski will direct Fifty Shades of Bill and Bill. The Islamic State has agreed to provide Christian women as extras in the new film.

Robert Allen “Bob” Iger, chairman and chief executive officer of The Walt Disney Company, stated, “We are taking Disney in a new direction, one that will allow inclusion and tolerance for those men who suffer from passions beyond their control. We are considering an animated young adult version of Fifty Shades of Bill and Bill. It will take those who grew up with Cinderella and their children to a new level of self-awareness.”

Heidi Fleiss, known as “The Hollywood Madam” and the daughter of a prominent Los Angeles doctor, is being cast to play the part of Monica Lewinsky. Bill Clinton will be played by Bill Murray, who has been accused by his ex-wife of repeated, brutal physical abuse. Bill Cosby will be played by convicted rapist Mike Tyson, who now stars as a loveable cartoon TV detective.

The Hillary Clinton campaign in a press release stated, “The book will put to rest the notion that Hillary ever had sex with that man.” Chelsea Victoria Clinton, the alleged only child of former U.S. President Bill Clinton and former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was not available for comment.

Donald Trump said during a campaign stop in North Carolina, “Finally, we will get to the bottom of the Clinton’s ‘war against women’. It is time for the truth to come out, no pun intended. Hillary and Bill are complicit in silencing the women whom Bill didn’t have sex with. Perhaps we need to redefine what sex really is? I am glad that I am not the only one using a derivative of the word ‘schlong.’ I will wait to see how NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox covers this announcement. Maybe now schlonged will become mainstream?”

UPDATE: Bill Clinton has announced that he will follow the Islamic State’s Rules for Rape. At a campaign stop for Hillary for President, former President Clinton said, “I have embrace the January 2015 Islamic State fatwa that outlines the Rules for Rape.” Clinton noted that the Rules for Rape are “much like our friend Bill Ayer’s Rules for Radicals but with a twist.”

Bill Cosby has not responded to inquiries on if he will follow the Islamic State’s Rules for Rape at this time. Crosby has sequestered himself from all media appearances.

RELATED ARTICLES:

A guide to the allegations of Bill Clinton’s womanizing – Washington Post

Can Trump’s Clinton-Sex-Scandal Revival Hurt Hillary?

Bill Cosby charged with 2004 sexual assault of former Temple University employee Andrea Constand in his Pennsylvania home; free on $1 million bail

Avoiding Hillary Misery

While we endure the daily lies of President Obama, do we really want to have another four to eight years more of Hillary Clinton’s? It’s not like we don’t have ample evidence of her indifference to the truth and that is not what America wants in a President, now or ever.

The office has already been degraded to a point where neither our allies nor our enemies trusts anything Obama says. Do we really want to continue a process that could utterly destroy our nation?

Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she intends to run for President is predicated not on any achievements in her life beyond having married Bill Clinton. Instead, her message is that America needs a woman as President. Having already elected an abject failure because he was black, one can only hope and pray that enough voters will conclude that America needs to avoid race or gender to be the determining factor.

In 1974 the 27-year old Hillary was fired from a committee related to the Watergate investigation. Jerry Zeifman, a lifelong Democrat, supervised her and when the investigation was over, he fired her and refused to give her a letter of recommendation. When asked why, he said, “Because she was a liar. She was an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee, and the rules of confidentiality.”

She has not changed. Writing about her emails, Ronald D. Rotunda, a professor at Chapman University’s Fowler School of Law, said her admitted destruction of more than 30,000 emails “sure looks like an obstruction of justice—a serious violation of the criminal law. The law says that no one has to us email, but it is a crime (18 U.S.C. section 1519) to destroy even one message to prevent it from being subpoenaed.” The law, said Rotunda, punishes this with up to 20 years imprisonment.

Instead, Hillary is asking voters to give her at least four years in the highest office in the land.

Even pundits like The New York TimesMaureen Dowd, writing in mid-March responded to Hillary saying “None of what you said made any sense. Keeping a single account mingling business and personal with your own server wasn’t about ‘convenience.’ It was about expedience. You became judge and jury on what’s relevant because you didn’t want to leave digital fingerprints for others to retrace.”

“You assume that if it’s good for the Clintons, it’s good for the world, you’re always tangling up government policy with your own needs, desires, deceptions, marital bargains, and gremlins.”

Around the same time as Dowd’s rebuke, I wrote that I thought that the revelations about the emails and the millions the Clinton foundation received from nations with whom she was dealing as Secretary of State would be sufficient for those in charge of the Democratic Party to convince her not to run. I was wrong. I was wrong because I profoundly underestimated Hillary’s deep well of ambition and indifference to the laws everyone else must obey. I was wrong because the Democratic Party is totally corrupt.

It is not as if anyone paying any attention would not know that she is politically to the far Left, a politician who does not believe that the powers of our government are derived from “the consent of the governed.” Throughout her life she has let us know that with quotes such as:

“We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”

“(We) can’t just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people.”

“I certainly think the free-market has failed.” These quotes are the personification of Communism.

In March, the political pundit, Peggy Noonan, writing in The Wall Street Journal, said “We are defining political deviancy down.” Referring to the email scandal, she asked “Is it too much to imagine that Mrs. Clinton wanted to conceal the record of her communications as America’s top diplomat…?” That was the reason she ignored the government’s rules regarding such communications. Rarely mentioned is the very strong likelihood that her email account had been hacked by our nation’s enemies and thus everything she was doing, officially and privately, was known to them.

“The story,” said Noonan “is that this is what she does and always has. The rules apply to others, not her.” That is, simply said, a criminal mentality. “Why doesn’t the legacy press swarm her on this?” asked Noonan. “Because she is political royalty.”

We fought a Revolution to free America from the British royalty. This was so ingrained in the thinking of the Founding Fathers that section 9 of Article One of the Constitution says “No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States. And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of Congress, accept any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever from any King, Prince, or foreign State.” That’s what the foundation did.

Noonan had earlier written a book about Hillary. “As I researched I remembered why, four years into the Clinton administration, the New York Times columnist William Safire called Hillary ‘a congenital liar…compelled to mislead, and to ensnare her subordinates and friends in a web of deceit.’”

“Do we have to go through all that again?” asked Noonan. “A generation or two ago, a person so encrusted in a reputation for scandal would not be considered a possible presidential contender. She would be ineligible. Now she is inevitable.”

Well, maybe not inevitable. We have a long time to go until the primaries arrive and then the election. We have enough time to ask ourselves if we live in a republic where merit, integrity, and honesty are still the standards by which we select our President.

© Alan Caruba, 2015