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Muslims chew Islamophobin gum, convert to Christianity, join Michigan4Trump campaign

The World Bulletin reports:

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), America’s largest Muslim civil rights and advocacy organization has launched a satirical public awareness campaign to challenge growing Islamophobia in America.

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Labelled as “a multi-symptom relief for chronic Islamophobia,” the over-the-counter medication ( in actual fact a sugar-free chewing gum) is available online and its “maximum strength formula” is designed to treat “blind intolerance,” “unthinking bigotry,” “irrational fear of Muslims” and “U.S. presidential election year scapegoating.”

islamophobin-364x205After appearing on the shelves of grocery stores in Dearborn, Michigan several Muslims bought packs of Islamophobin gum. While chewing the gum, according to the store owner, a sense of euphoria over came them. They lost their blind intolerance and unthinking bigotry towards Jews and Christians.

Mohammed Mohammed said, “Immediately after tasting Islamophobin gum I have lost my irrational fear of Christians and Jews. I went to a local church and embraced Jesus. I, with my family, went to the Dearborn City Clerk’s office and changed our party affiliation from Democrat to Republican. We have joined the Michigan4Trump campaign. I feel a great burden has been taken off of me and my family.”

Mohammed’s wife Aisha noted, “After my husband chewed Islamophobin he became a different man. He took me to the Great Lakes Crossing Outlets mall and bought me a dress, shorts and tank top at the GAP. Mohammed then purchased some provocative underwear from Victoria’s Secret for me. Praise be the Lord Jesus!”

A representative from the Dearborn City Clerk’s Office, which oversees all elections within the City, noted, “We have seen an influx of individuals changing their party affiliation from Democrat to Republican. We have noticed that all of them were chewing gum.”

The Department of Defense Public Relations office in a press release states:

We have obtained samples of Islamophobin gum and are testing it for use by our soldiers deployed in the Middle East. The results of our initial tests on Muslims incarcerated at Guantanamo is promising. We noted they lose their will to fight and become lambs. They throw down their weapons and surrender.

All test subjects converted to the religions of peace, i.e. Judaism and Christianity.

The DOD plans to mass produce the gum for use in the great war against terror.

The Michigan4Trump campaign headquarters issued the following press release:

We have begun a door to door campaign in high Muslim populated areas of Michigan. Our team has been given packs of Islamophobin gum, which they offer a Muslim family. Upon tasting the gum the voting age family members put down their swords and pick up a pen and join the Michigan4Trump campaign.

According to an unnamed FBI source, law enforcement at Donald Trump rallies have been issued an “aerosol version of Islamophobin.” This Islamophobin spray  or “Love America Spray” will be used against protestors to curtail violence, intolerance and bigotry against Republicans in general and Donald J. Trump in particular.

The New York office of the Make America Great Again campaign in a short statement noted, “Let them eat gum!”

UPDATE: Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the Islamic State have banned the importation of Islamophobin gum. CAIR has issued the following warning “Islamophobin gum is not to be ingested by Muslims or else.”

RELATED ARTICLE: MUSLIM CAIR LEADER USES HITLER TO MOCK TRUMP: ‘I LOVE THE JEWS!’ ‘The best kosher sandwiches are made in The Reichstag’

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Chewing Magazine.