The pharmaceutical industry is in a panic because of the Vote Trump, Get Dumped movement. According to PR Newswire:
In the wake of National Women’s Day, a grassroots movement of women (and supporting men) are refusing sex to anyone supporting Donald Trump. Vote Trump, Get Dumped. Click here to see the petition and social media frenzy.
“It’s 4 years of Trump, or 4 years of sex. To cast a vote for Trump is to agree with his sexist, perverted, demeaning, backwards, offensive treatment of women,” said co-creator of the movement, Chandler Smith.
Why you ask? They believe Donald Trump is a sexist who doesn’t respect women. Of course he’s not politically correct. But for them, it’s actually about a lot more than that. It’s a question of what this indicates about his suitability to govern. Do we really want this man to represent us to the rest of the world? Is Donald Trump really who we are?
Pfizer, the manufacturer of Viagra released the following statement:
Pfizer employs tens of thousands of loyal Americans. Our Viagra product has put a smile on many faces, both male and female. Therefore we have decided to provide Viagra for free to those who vote for Donald Trump for president. This offer is good until November 8th, 2016.
We believe that the Vote Trump, Get Dumped movement will satisfy no one, no pun intended.
For those wishing to live a chaste life perhaps they should enter a seminary or become a nun.
Warning: For those using Viagra who have an erection lasting more than four hours should contact their significant other immediately for relief.
The maker of the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis wants its pill given to men who vote for the Donald. Eli Lilly and Company and French drug maker Sanofi, in a short press release notes, “We have joined forces with Pfizer to bring greater pleasure to those who suffer from erectile dysfunction. It may be that the Vote Trump, Get Dumped movement members are dysfunctional, no pun intended.”
Planned Parenthood, which provides contraception devices, is concerned that its birth control programs and federal funding will end as well. Cecile Richards, American activist and president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America when asked by a reporter noted:
We have been providing contraception devices to under-aged children for decades and selling the body part of the unborn. While we respect the women and men who are part of Vote Trump, Get Dumped, we cannot support their effort to end sex as we know it.
Sex is how we make our money. What will happen to our efforts to promote sex if everyone becomes chaste?
Hookers for Hillary are outraged at the Vote Trump, Get Dumped grassroots movement. Brothel owner Dennis Hof and the working girls at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in a joint statement noted:
While we support Hillary Clinton for president, we believe that the Vote Trump, Get Dumped movement is ill conceived and will harm our clientele.
The majority of our clients are Republicans who will vote for their GOP nominee. If that is Trump, so be it.
Sex should not be used as a political weapon!
While sex and politics go together like apple pie and ice cream, to end sex as we know it would be a travesty. Vote Trump, Get Dumped harms both our johns and Moonlite Bunny Ranch employees from making a living wage.
Intercourse is the great pleasure of the American working class. Take sex away and America will be even more frustrated than it currently is with what is happening in Washington, D.C.
Bill Clinton was asked to comment on the Vote Trump,Get Dumped movement, stated, “I’m voting for Hillary.”
“Look at that face. Would anybody vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?! I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not s’posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?” — said Trump in Rolling Stone referring to Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton responded, “No comment!”
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Hustler, Playboy and the Islamic State magazine Dabiq – Issue 69.