It was announced today that American Icon Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith.
Buckwheat has changed his name to ‘Kareem of Wheat’. In his honor Quaker Oats has launched a new breakfast cereal called Kareem of Buckwheat.
John Stuart, Quaker Oats CEO, in a press release states:
We are please to launch a new line of cereals featuring our favorite American icon, formerly known as Buckwheat. Kareem of Buckwheat is Halal and is produced for our growing Muslim migrant population.
We see this as an emerging market in places like the cities of New York, Dearborn, San Bernardino and Chattanooga. Our overseas branch is focused on launching Kareem of Buckwheat in Germany, France and Great Briton.
As we see more migration to America it is important for companies to provide them with healthy choices when it comes to breakfast options.
Our new corporate slogan is “Go to Halal with a Quaker.”
We want to reassure our Muslim customers that no Jew or Christian has been involved in the production, packaging or shipment of Kareem of Buckwheat. We are an infidel free zone.
Muhammed M. Mohammed, the Islamic State’s spokesperson, noted:
We welcome our latest convert Kareem of Wheat. Kareem is now our poster child and will be used in future issues of our Inspire magazine.
Kareem will inspire, no pun intended, others to join our cause. Kareem will be a powerful symbol for establishing a global Caliphate where everyone eats Kareem of Buckwheat cereal. The healthy choice for the Muslim Ummah (community).
Our soldiers awaken each morning for prayers. After their morning prayers they gather together to partake of this halal cereal. They are ready to do battle with the infidels, Allah willing.
Josh Earnest, Assistant to the President and Press Secretary in the White House Office of Communications, when asked by a CNN reporter if President Obama will be serving Kareem of Buckwheat to his family and staff, replied:
President Obama supports Quaker Oats’ decision to produce “a new product for our growing Muslim migrant population and their families in America.”
The State Department will be issuing each Syrian refugee family upon their arrival in the United States government vouchers for the purchase of this healthy cereal.
President Obama will be signing an Executive Order requiring all public schools receiving federal dollars to serve Kareem of Buckwheat to students.
Let’s just hope those eating Kareem of Buckwheat don’t become cereal killers.
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Inspire Magazine and on Al Jazeera America.