Comrades! Perhaps all of us, while debating the enemy, have been subjected to accusations of logical fallacies. Ignore such accusations. The non-concept of “logical fallacy” is a tool of capitalist propaganda, designed to expose us to a retrograde pre-twenty-first century mindset, which may cause the weakest of us to question their allegiance to Progress. But that is the enemy’s mindset; it no longer applies to the new era. Progress calls us to destroy the straightjacket of linear thinking.

There are no absolutes. The outdated scientific methods of hard logic and cold reason have now been replaced with soft logic and cozy reason, especially when dealing in political science.

Here are the Rules of Logic, Reason and Debate for Radicals for the 21st century. Learn them, know them, use them. You have nothing to lose but your logical chains.

Radical Political Science Terms

Seductive Logic – If the parts of the premise are true, or true enough, the conclusion is proved.

Premise: Hitler would hate President Obama and have him liquidated. Tea Partiers hate big government.
Conclusion: Tea Partiers are Fascists plotting a coup against President Obama.

As you can see, statement one is true, as is statement two. So the conclusion, statement three, is proven.

Preductive Logic – If the conclusion is true, the premises are proven.

Conclusion: Stimulus hasn’t worked.
Premise: George Bush’s economic policies were stupid. George Bush is to blame for everything.

Similar to seductive logic, as statement one is true, statements two and three are proven.

Unductive Logic – If the evidence doesn’t support the conclusion, the evidence is in error.

Conclusion: Man-made CO2 causes global warming.
Evidence: From 1950 to 1975 temperatures fell as man-made CO2 increased. therefore, the temperature data must be wrong and altered accordingly.

This one is particularly useful as it makes disproving any assertion on your part impossible. Contrary evidence is simply wrong and those using it are liars, deniers, and anti-reality based imbeciles.

Primary Reason – Something is true when you have the right reason, or motives, to believe it, not the right reasoning. In other words, if it just feels right, that is reason enough. (Though evidence is unnecessary, if desired such can be obtained with the rules of logic above. i.e, can be fabricated.)

Secondary Reason – When those who share your Primary Reason agree with your assertion, it is therefore well-reasoned. Which in turn makes those who agree with you reasonable individuals, and those who disagree intolerant imbeciles.

Radical Political Science Tactics

Any statement prefaced with “obviously,” “no doubt,” or “everyone knows” is accepted as proven. Nothing more need be said nor evidence produced. No doubt everyone knows this is obviously true.

Exclamation marks and all caps add weight of truth to any statement. This simple method is ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY TRUE!!!!

Should your adversary press on despite these logically reasoned assertions, any of the following will put an end to him and thus his argument.

Method one: Call them stupid. This is almost fool-proof because there is no good defense. How do they show otherwise? Recite the times tables, name the state capitals, produce Mensa membership cards? After all, they don’t agree with you or believe what you do, therefore, ipso facto, QED, they must be stupid.

This method has worked for years. Think of Reagan, Quayle, Bush, Palin.

Method two: Call them racist. This is just as effective and is also virtually impossible to defend. How can they prove they’re not? If they aren’t racist there will only be an absence of evidence that they are. Let them try to produce the absence of evidence. They can’t do it. Therefore, ipso facto, QED, they must be racist.

This method has worked for years. Think of… everyone but us.

Method three: Call them heartless, evil, intolerant, bigoted… Are you beginning to get the idea? Call them anything you like, no need to provide any evidence. Yet it still puts them on the spot, requiring them to prove a negative, which is impossible. Once a label sticks they’re defenseless.

After this is done, you can defeat any assertion or proposal they make no matter how well-argued or thought-out on their part. After all, why should anyone listen to a stupid and heartless racist bigot?

Against socialized medicine? Heartless! Against Cap and trade? Stupid!! Against President Obama’s multi-trillion dollar stimulus? RACIST!!! You win EVERY TIME. And the more exclamation marks the better!!!!!

You might think these simple rules are a little too simple, or too simplistic, or too simple-minded even, but they work. After all, look who occupies the White House or owns the media, academia, and entertainment establishments.

EDITORS NOTE: This column originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.