The hysteria over Ebola has gotten so out of hand lately, that President Obama was forced to cancel some golf and fundraisers to put out a fire irresponsibly set by the liars of Fox News and talk radio, whose shameless, pathetic fearmongering is nothing but straight up racism and a depraved, immoral desire to score cheap political points.

We’ve heard what’s been said already by the Government in a seemingly vain attempt to calm unfounded fears—that to catch Ebola, you have to rub your nose in a pile of vomit or doo-doo left by an Ebola patient, then wipe away the mess with your bare fingers only to shove those fingers up your nose and then stick whatever you dig out into your mouth and swallow, taking great care not to spit out a single particle lest you infect someone else who might be tempted by the simple, innocent, uncontrollable urge to scoop it up and snort it up their own nose, etc.

Yet people, oddly enough, choose to disregard such reassurances, and continue to panic.

Perhaps this calls for some much-needed perspective with a list of greater, more dire and menacing threats to humanity and even our planet—all of which can be traced to a single source—REPUBLICANS.

Just in time for the mid-terms, beware of the many fiendish ways in which these bomb-dropping, flame-throwing, mud-slinging, poop-flinging, gun-clinging, Bible-thumping, teabagging terrorists intend to take the American people hostage and strap explosives to our collective chests and slaughter us all should they ever connive to thieve their way back into power:

Budget Cuts. Count on Republicans to ruthlessly slash and gut any government program considered the only thing standing between us and mortal oblivion, leading to the deaths of millions who depend on those programs for their very day-to-day existence!

Banning abortion and all forms of contraception. Women will die because they are forced to go into back alleys with dirty wire hangers! Also, without continued funding for Planned Parenthood, women won’t know where to go for mammograms, leading to even more deaths!

No more food stamps or free meal programs. Remember the Bush years, when you were forced to choose between buying a bag of groceries and getting a new tattoo? Food stamps don’t buy tattoos (unless you happen to find a strip club with an in-house tattoo artist), so guess what’s gonna happen? People will die of starvation!

No funding for infrastructure. Crumbling roads, collapsing bridges, broken dams and levees, aging power grids… Who’s going to save you when that pothole sends your car careening out of control till it hits the bridge railing, causing the already dilapidated bridge—and you—to plummet into a river raging in flash flood because there’s no federal money to fix the breached dam upriver; and since the ancient power grid finally fizzled and died, there’s no light by which anyone can see to save you from drowning? Not the Republicans—and certainly not the Government, because under their jackboots, there’ll no longer be any Government! And speaking of boots…

More boots on the ground for even more illegal, immoral wars. Where? Why, wherever there’s oil to be stolen or people who never asked to be liberated, because if they didn’t really like their government, they’d vote it out, wouldn’t they? Expect millions more to die.

Elimination of all funding to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. We can always do what we’ve done in the past—trot out beloved PBS characters onto the steps of Capitol Hill and hope no Republicans will dare shoot. But without those funds, Big Bird, Barney, Elmo, the Teletubbies, and even Carson the butler will die!

Repeal of financial regulations. Without these, banks, credit card companies, and other lending institutions will be free to prey upon those left helpless and unprotected, luring them into buying more than they can afford, especially since the termination of all those aforementioned Government programs will force the masses to pay for things they previously got for free. People will end up losing what little they have now—to include the roofs over their heads and the shirts off their backs. Millions will die of exposure!

Repeal of gun laws. Not that there are many of these now, but Republicans will eliminate what few there are and suppress any efforts to add new ones. Result? More guns = more shootings = more deaths!

Repeal of Obamacare. Republicans are the ones playing Chicken Little with Ebola just so they can blame the black dude in the White House to cover up their own forthcoming culpability. For if Ebola should become an epidemic at all, it will happen only because they repealed Obamacare! No Obamacare = no health care = everybody gets sick with something = millions will die!

Refusal to address the issue of Climate Change. If Republicans are allowed back into power, they will erase more than forty years of awareness raised to call attention to the ten years we have left to save the planet—which even now teeters on the brink of catastrophe due to their policies and kowtowing to greedy oil companies! Oceans will rise along with temperatures; severe weather and natural disasters will increase—all of this leading to Earth’s final destruction, leaving people nowhere else to go. And without a planet to live on, or anywhere else to go…everyone will die!

Increasingly outrageous fearmongering in a desperate bid to hang on to their tenuous, ill-gotten power.Ebola will wipe us out! Muslims want to chop off our heads! Barack wants to take away our guns! Michelle wants to take away our French fries! Benghazi , IRS, VA hospitals, Fast and Furious, blah blah blah! Someone call the waaahmbulance! Oh, but Republicans cut funding for that, too! All of these phony scandals and lies cause mass confusion and panic, and what do you suppose that leads to? Yep, you guessed it: More people dying!

The science is settled, the debate is over. You are more likely to die from Republican policies and scare tactics than from Ebola.

A regular contributor to The People’s Cube, Commissarka Pinkie is a proud Progressive with a lifelong commitment to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn’t busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people’s money and playing absolute moral authority and victim cards.