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Busted: Hillary emails Expose Vast International Crime Ring

Though months have passed since the Congressional Committee on Benghazi has subpoenaed Hillary Clinton’s personal email servers, only to discover that they had been wiped clean, a team of national top experts in retrieving deleted digital information has now been able to restore much of the lost data, which, in addition to the evidence on Benghazi, resulted in other unexpected discoveries.

One gruesome find was an extremely disturbing email exchange between Mrs. Clinton and one Doctor Klopek, which prompted an independent criminal investigation leading to a discovery of a vast international crime ring.

According to the correspondence which she thought had been erased, Mrs. Clinton used her position as Secretary of State to bypass the ban on embryonic stem cell procedures and conspired with black market operators to undergo secret bi-annual facelifts using illegal injections of embryonic stem cells extracted from human fetuses in the nation’s abortion clinics.

Described as “Pluripotential Botox,” the cosmetic procedure of injecting embryonic stem cells directly into sagging and wrinkling skin of aging adults was believed to be a theoretical concept, but the recovered emails indicate that Mrs. Clinton has already been receiving it in an underground clinic for the past 19 years.

An embryo’s regenerative ability gives the stem cells remarkable anti-aging properties, producing a tighter and thicker skin within a week after injection. This gives the recipients a more natural -looking face than what can be achieved with traditional Botox treatments. The ethical aspects of using human embryos for medical purposes, however, remain a heavily debated subject, let alone dissecting human fetuses for vanity cosmetic projects.

The resulting federal ban on the use of embryonic stem cells has pushed the procedure into the black markets, driving the price of an injection to astronomical numbers. Mrs. Clinton’s correspondence indicates that she initially contacted Dr. Klopek through a high-end black market dealer with ties to some of the world’s most dangerous criminal organizations.

According to Mrs. Clinton’s emails, about a year ago her prospects of running for President required a change of protocol and visits to the underground clinic were no longer an option. For an additional fee, which raised the price tag for a visit to $160,000, Dr. Klopek would come to the Clinton’s Chappaquiddick compound and inject her forehead, lips, cheeks, eyes, and neck with the embryonic stem cells he had extracted from human fetuses in certain New York City abortion clinics. With every visit he would also resupply Mrs. Clinton with a 9 oz. jar of lotion made of fetus matter and laced with embryonic stem cells, which she would smear on her face twice daily at a cost of $80,000 per jar.

The resulting criminal investigation has led to an arrest warrant for Dr. Klopek. A source familiar with the investigation confirmed that Klopek has fled the country after receiving an email from Mrs. Clinton, warning him about the possibility that their arrangement of nearly two decades might be discovered.

Confronted with new information recovered from the Clinton’s email servers, House Speaker and member of the Benghazi Committee, John Boehner (R-OH), called the findings “nightmarish” and “blood-curdling,” adding that “this sounds like something straight out of Grimm’s fairy tales.”

EDITORS NOTE: This column is political satire. It originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.