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Target restrooms become meeting spots for ‘flash mob orgies’

folsom street fair 2016Shortly following the announcement that Target will observe gender neutrality of their restrooms, customers have been reporting organized flash mobs of sexual deviants holding orgy parties inside Target’s public restrooms. Unfortunate shoppers who happened to be inside the restrooms at the time, some with their children, became unwitting spectators to some of the most blatant debauchery seen in North America outside of San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair.

One mother, who was in the ladies’ room with her nine-year-old daughter, described one such flash mob as “horrifying.”

“A number of creepy men and women walked into the bathroom and immediately began stripping, then petting each other,” she said. As she and daughter left the stall and attempted to flee, one of the men grabbed the mother’s hair and tried to pull her into the pile of nude people engaged in sexual intercourse on the restroom floor.

Barack-Obama-Peaking-Into-Women-s-Bathroom--78029According to witnesses, these restroom orgies typically take less than ten minutes, after which the participants put their clothes back on and go their separate ways, leaving behind the scarred memories of shoppers who had the misfortune to walk into the restroom during the event.

In addition to multiple reports about the Target flash mob orgies across the country, there have also have been cases of other deviant sexual behavior that continue to traumatize unsuspecting shoppers.

A sudden proliferation of so-called “glory holes” have been popping up in Target’s multiple washrooms. A “glory hole” is a hole made in a stall wall at about waist height for the purpose of anonymous sex.

The problem has caused Target’s corporate lawyers to send a special warning to all of the chain’s 1,793 stores, advising local managers to be aware of potential lawsuits resulting from shoppers slipping on lubricants and other fluids left over on the bathroom floors by spontaneous sex parties taking place in their facilities.

In less than a few weeks’ time, Target restrooms have become some of the most dangerous places in the United States, competing with rundown truck stops and highway rest areas for the title of the most notorious stomping grounds for sexual predators.

Federal authorities have released an advisory informing residents in populated areas that, until the situation is taken under control, Target restrooms are not a suitable place for families or vulnerable individuals to visit.

obama hope and sex change

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire written by Chedoh originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.