Experts in the world’s only settled science were shocked as dramatic new evidence has emerged that climate change is much worse than even the most dire forecasts had predicted.

Frozen USMA cadets. Photo courtesy of the White House.

As President Obama visited the US Military Academy at West Point to give a commencement address that could only be described as “awesome,” his speech received what a state-approved and licensed CNN journalist termed an “icy reception.”

This followed a bizarre incident where the wildly-popular and much beloved president received “tepid applause and a short standing ovation from less than one-quarter of the audience upon his introduction” according to stunned credentialed journalists who witnessed the surrealistic scene.

“This is an incredible worsening of climate change in just five years,” said Charles Gore-Kerry, a fictional amalgam of the biggest climate change experts, one we were forced to create because no one would talk to us.

“Back in 2009, Barack Obama could not go to the toilet without receiving a 20-minute standing ovation! Now, just five years later, it’s obvious most of these people are frozen solid in their seats! At this rate, by late 2015, there will be no ice in the Arctic and all of Obama’s audience will be glaciated, far ahead of what the hockey stick graph predicted,” Charles Gore-Kerry warned.

Stunned by deterioration in the earth’s climate, the president is expected to propose taking dramatic new action on Climate Change, such as scheduling any future speeches in warmer places, like Hawaii.

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