Revised flag design to include a big star for Washington, D.C.

The Committee for Symbol Security has released its tentative redesign of the American flag to include the previously unrepresented District of Columbia, which is not part of any of the 50 states. This omission is now rectified by giving Washington, D.C., it’s rightful place – a super star with the 50 states nestled safely between its legs.

The committee initially proposed the D.C. star be on the far left, before realizing when seen from the reverse side it would be on the far right. To solve that problem the idea of a one-sided flag was entertained until it was pointed out, while a one-sided media is possible, a one-sided flag was a physical impossibility. While the D.C. star placement issue seems settled, some committee members have not given up and have appealed to President Obama to issue an executive order that the wind must always blow from the left.

The White House responded that the red and white stripes should be dropped because, “It’s the twenty-first century, nobody cares what the original intent of the flag’s designers was.” The committee announced it will form a special task force to study the suggestion.

EDITORS NOTE: This column originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.