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Top 13 Things that Didn’t Happen in 2016

In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:

  • FBI: Santa disclosed ‘naughty list’ on WikiLeaks, “Helped Trump win election”; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation
  • California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters
  • Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk
  • Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on ‘fake news’ business
  • Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames
  • ‘Petri dish cultures of hate’
  • Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrödinger is dead
  • Negative yielding bonds send sheep shearing futures soaring
  • Venezuelan Children cook and eat their own Christmas toys
  • Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders
  • North Korea abandons cashless economy plan after learning citizens already have no cash
  • Russian hacker made me change my vote: confession of a Hillary voter
  • RELATED NEWS: Russian hackers hack FBI report on Russian hacking to make it look stupid
  • Nibiru joins Nation of Islam, renames itself Planet X
  • Convergence nears: 3-D printer prints 3-D printer

Please compare it with our prediction of the top 16 things that weren’t going to happen in 2016 and see how right we were – again!

It has become our New Year tradition to publish a list of things that didn’t happen this year, prepared with equal contributions from Comrade Will Beria.

See the lists from previous years:

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EDITORS NOTE: This fake news political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

 

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