After a #Trump2016 chalk attack on the White House Obama signs Executive Order banning chalk
Today the Secret Service reported a “#Trump2016 – Make America Great Again” chalk attack occurred at the White House. President Obama, his family and the White House staff were evacuated to a secret location until the chalker and his/her associates are apprehended.
Joseph P. Clancy, Director of the United States Secret Service, warned:
Our agents are facing a new threat, one we have not seen since our creation in 1865 – chalking. Protecting the President against chalking attacks has become our top priority.
We ask citizens to report anyone seen carrying chalk, using chalk or writing on a wall, side walk or public building in the Washington, D.C. area. We have established a hot line to combat this threat.
Please call 1-877-Chalked if you note any suspicious behavior involving chalk.
DHS Secretary Jeh Johnson
The Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson at a press conference following the White House chalk attack stated:
As part of our Countering Violent Extremism policy we have placed the group Make America Great Again Chalkers (MAGAC) on the list of domestic terrorist organizations.
This radical organization is defacing our college campuses and now the White House driveway with chalk graffiti. We have begun a a new war on chalk and the graffiti associated with it.
This is now our top priority, to stop any efforts to make America great again.
We are concerned that the White House may have been infiltrated by a member of MAGAC, who has come out of the closet.
When asked if this will take priority over finding Islamic State operatives in the U.S., Secretary Johnson said, “The Islamic State is the JV team. MAGAC is much more dangerous and threatens our collectivist way of life. Just think what would happen globally if America was great again. Utter chaos!”
President Obama has issued an Executive Order banning chalk and designating those who carry chalk as enemies of the Statism, the current U.S. political system in which the state has substantial centralized control over social and economic affairs.
Josh Earnest, Assistant to the President and Press Secretary, at a White House briefing noted:
The first family and those of us working in the White House now live in fear of the chalkers who want to make America great again.
FBI Director James Comey has just briefed President Obama on this growing existential threat.
These attackers are using chalk as their weapon of choice and they must be stopped at all cost.
After meeting with his National Security Council, President Obama has signed an Executive Order making chalking a federal offense and designating members of Make America Great Again Chalkers enemies of the collective.
The Executive Order calls for the arrest of anyone carrying chalk in a concealed manner. It establishes a federal, state and local law enforcement Joint Chalk Task Force (JCTF) to combat this growing threat to our progressive way of life.
Anyone owning chalk must report it and register on a new national database of chalk possessors.
Example of MAGAC Trump 2016 chalk attack. Photo: Twitter
The National Association of Manufacturers (NAM), the largest manufacturing association in the United States representing small and large manufacturers in every industrial sector and in all 50 states, in a press release noted:
After President Obama’s successful War on Coal putting thousands of people out of work, his administration has now started a War on Chalk.
The 55 chalk manufacturers and 195 distributors of chalk products see the chalk on the wall.
Our industry is under attack and we will be moving all U.S. based chalk manufacturing plants to China, where Calcium Carbonate (a.k.a. chalk) is considered a natural resource and its use encouraged.
The Donald Trump campaign issued a short statement:
We believe that the use of chalk is free speech protected by the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. We also consider possessing chalk to be covered under the Second Amendment.
There is an unalienable right to keep and bear chalk.
While we feel the pain of the White House staff who are suffering from Post Traumatic Chalk Syndrome (PTCS), we must protect freedom of speech and the right to bear chalk.
Mr. Trump has offered to provide free psychiatric counseling services to President Obama, as soon as he invites Mr. Trump to lunch at the White House.
The Make America Great Again Chalkers (MAGAC) underground movement released a short statement to President Obama, “Chalk it to U!”
Emory University President James G. Wagner scrawls in chalk, “Emory Stands for Free Expression!”
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Student accused of violating university ‘safe space’ by raising her hand
Students demand ‘chalk free zones’ after Trump 2016 graffiti found at Emory U.
PHOTOS OF RECENT CHALK ATTACKS:
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Chalk It Up magazine.
It is a sad state of affairs where credence is given to a few wimpy kids who are so sensitive to words that they are physically and mentally, negatively, affected by them. To the point that they need psychiatric counseling. It is also revealing that the administrators of these institutes would agree to such ridiculous actions. Just tell the poor little puppies to GROW UP! As John Wayne stated long ago, “Life’s tough, it’s even tougher when you’re stupid”!
Chalking is a human right.
Agreed, what a pathetic state of affairs we are in that chalking can send these idiots into a tail spin. sad but true this is the mentality of the US Government and it’s officials, right along with the Colleges that are teaching our children and Grandchildren to become a bunch of wimps.
A very refreshing article first thing in the morning…thank you very muh
A very refreshing article first thing in the morning…thank you very much