The Islamic State Developing Animal Testicle Bombs — PETA, Hillary and Trump respond
Siobhan McFadyan from the UK Express reports, “An Islamic State bomber discovered with a plastic bag full of excrement, animals testicles and explosives, is a chilling warning the terror group are planning for biological warfare, according to an expert.”
According to McFadyan:
Mohamed Abrini [pictured right] was said to have made the rudimentary bomb with the intention of spreading bacterial infection when he wreaked havoc in the worst terror attack in Belgian history.
The 31-year-old, who was also involved in last year’s Paris attacks, was identified as the “man in the hat” after going on the run following the suicide bombings which resulted in 32 deaths and 270 injuries at the airport and at the city’s Maelbeek subway station.
Al-Ḥayāt Media Center, the media wing of the Islamic State, in a press release noted:
The soldiers of Mohammed, may peace be upon him, must use all means available to defeat the great Satan (America). Our brothers in Europe have developed a new device where testicles may be turned into bombs.
First we sent a soldier of Allah to America as a shoe bomber followed by an underwear bomber. Our next effort to bypass Western airport screening will be to send an army of testicle bombers.
We are now taking applications from those willing to martyr their testicles. To apply call 1-800-TESTICLES. We have operators standing by to take your call.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) released the following statement:
We agree with President Obama that the Islamic State is not Islamic. However, this announcement that the testicles of animals will be used as dirty bombs is disturbing.
Using testicles to make bombs is inappropriate and we condemn this latest Islamic State initiative. However, if the testicles are properly removed from the said animal by a qualified Islamic State veterinarian then we may reconsider our position.
We have sent representatives to Syria and Iraq to insure that no animals are harmed in the making of testicle bombs.
The Hillary campaign issued the following:
Feminists are happy to see testicles blown up. That will show those with balls what it means to have a vagina. Vote your vagina, vote Hillary 2016!
The Trump campaign replied to the Hillary campaign remarks stating, “If you want balls other than Bill’s in the White House, vote Trump 2016! Can you image Bill being the First Lady? Really? We will bust the Islamic State’s balls. Count on it!”
Here is the original 1957 version of Great Balls of Fire sung by Jerry Lee Lewis:
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Farming Magazine.
Did this first appear on April 1 as a joke?
The UK Express column is real and was published on May 6th. Everything after that is political satire.