Democrats Grasping At Straws To Impeach Trump Now Regret Banning Straws

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats desperately grasping at straws to find grounds to impeach and convict Trump announced Tuesday they are now regretting banning plastic straws.

“We started grasping for straws but suddenly realized we had banned them a while back,” a downcast Nancy Pelosi told reporters. “We really should have seen this coming.”

Many congresspeople keep straws on hand for the express purpose of grasping at them. They get them out when they really don’t like a politician on the other side of the aisle and need to find something to condemn him or her for. Sadly, the Democrats banned their straws a while back for using harmful plastics and now have nothing to grasp for.

The Democratic leaders tried to reach for paper straws instead, but they instantly crumbled into a fine powder.

Babylon Bee subscriber John Sherman contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Authorities Investigating Dangerous Breach In Hollywood Bubble

Iran Announces They Will Stop Pretending To Follow Nuclear Deal

Michelle Williams: ‘Sometimes You Just Have To Ask Yourself, ‘How Many People Do I Have To Kill To Get An Acting Career?”

‘I Caught My Wife Watching ‘The Last Jedi’—Is This Grounds For Divorce?’

‘It Is More Important To Be Morally Right Than Factually Correct,’ Says Woman Who Is Neither