The FBI raided former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America! While they were there they spent over four hours cracking open a solid gold safe. Here’s what they found: Thousands of McDonald’s receipts: Immaculate record keeping! Three pallets of Norvell Premium Sunless Tanning […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — High-level Chinese asset and sex trafficker Hunter Biden breathed a sigh of relief this evening as an FBI raid team passed by his West Palm Beach vacation home to raid Donald Trump’s residence in Mar-a-Lago. “Whew! Thought they had me for a minute there,” Biden sighed, according to sources before […]
MOSCOW — WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia. The judge has sentenced Griner to 9 years in a Russian penal colony where she will never have to hear America’s national anthem being played. “I’m thrilled with this ruling,” said Griner to reporters. “For 9 years I will […]
As we swelter in the dog days of summer, even crotchety ol’ Grandpa Silas is starting to wonder if there might be something to this “climate change” thing after all. Well, we here at The Babylon Bee dug into the research and – to our great shock – ended up discovering ten absolutely undeniable proofs […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s GDP has fallen over the last two quarters, stoking fears of a possible recession due to the fact that America is now in a recession. When asked whether the U.S. is now in a recession, Biden answered that he wasn’t qualified to answer, as he doesn’t have a biology degree. “I […]
The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) numbers were released today and it turns out we’re in a recession. EVERYBODY PANIC! We’ve got to fix this immediately! Fortunately, we’ve consulted with the highly educated economists that got us into this mess to see how we can get out of it. Here are some great ways to reverse […]
U.S. — The nation’s leading scientists unveiled a new periodic table of genders to help everyone keep track of the evolving gender spectrum. Experts are recommending the table be rolled out to schools across the nation and added to each state’s curriculum for grades 9-12. The gender table features 114 genders in addition to a […]
U.S. – According to a representative for the official White Privilege rewards program, every Caucasian person’s White Privilege Card is now good for a full 10% off at participating Whole Foods locations. The cards, which are given out to every white person at birth, have always been good for many societal benefits, but at long […]
WASHINGTON,D.C. — After months of saying that he has no control over the price of gas, President Joe Biden is taking credit as prices dip by 2 cents. To highlight this monumental achievement, Biden has been placing “I did that!” stickers on gas pumps everywhere he goes. “Look folks, this is 2 cents we’re talking […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Labor Secretary Martin J. Walsh spoke with reporters Friday to clarify previous remarks that the rate of inflation had hit 9.1% in June. He explained that his office had accidentally placed the decimal in the wrong place and inflation is actually 91%, the highest it has ever been. He apologized for the […]
Being a conservative working at Starbucks is more dangerous than being a Navy Seal behind enemy lines. If you want to play a fun game, try looking for the closeted conservative at your local Starbucks. There’s usually at least one. Just don’t out them, or you may ruin their lives! Here’s how to spot that […]
Jill Biden recently referred to Latino people as “Breakfast Tacos,” eschewing the more politically correct term, “Brxxkfst Txcxs.” Despite her faux pas, this isn’t the first time she’s used colorful language to describe some ethnicities. Here are most of the other times: “Italians are a basket of free breadsticks at Olive Garden.” “The Irish are a variety pack of […]
The entire contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, iphone, and ipad have been leaked to the public. How embarrassing! The Babylon Bee team spent all night scrolling through 4chan threads last night and we checked into therapy this morning. Here are the 12 most shocking and humiliating revelations from Hunter’s laptop: His desktop was covered with […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leader of the free world and President of the United States Joe Biden issued an apology to the American people for an embarrassing blunder that had occurred earlier, stating the following: “As President, the buck stops with me, pause for dramatic effect. Earlier, I read the wrong words in the teleprompter, don’t […]
The prophets have long whispered of the return of ULTRA-MAGA King Trump. In faith, we know that his return is inevitable and that he will soon reclaim the presidency and set right what has gone awry. Here are the first 12 things Trump will do when he returns to power: Spray Febreze on the Oval […]