U.S.—Americans have reported they’re very optimistic about the stimulus package passed by Congress last week. In particular, people all around the country are excited to get paid with a little bit of the money that they paid the federal government already. Americans from all walks of life said they couldn’t wait to receive a check […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
HEAVEN—The CDC now recommends that everyone stay home and avoid going out as much as possible. Despite this, reports are that God is breaking quarantine and going absolutely everywhere. Hospitals, nursing homes, prisons — wherever He is needed, God is going. He is reportedly visiting everyone and checking on everyone in this time of need […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid political bickering over a potential economic relief package, Democrats warned Americans that the stimulus bill would stimulate the economy. “This stimulus bill might stimulate the economy — which would hurt our chances to stop the bad orange man,” said Senator Chuck Schumer. “We can’t overstate how much damage this would do to our […]
MEXICO—Drug cartels across Mexico and all around Central and South America have announced they are ceasing production of heroin, meth, and cocaine, saying they are now producing a far more lucrative drug with the street name of “hand sanitizer.” Drug cartels are quickly converting their assembly lines to pump out more and more of the […]
SLOUGH, BERKSHIRE—Lysol has unveiled a new shoulder-mounted turret that automatically blasts anyone who coughs, sneezes, or emits mouth droplets of any kind within six feet of you. The Big Lysol Turret 9000 is especially useful during epidemics and flu season, though many who are fearful of germs and disease say they plan to use the product year-round, just […]
U.S.—As Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is constantly in crowds, health officials are greatly concerned that he will catch the coronavirus — which would be especially bad for him as he’s very, very old. Despite these concerns, Biden just can’t follow one of the CDC’s main recommendations to avoid catching the disease: Stop putting your […]
HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his afternoon nap, presidential candidate Joe Biden gave a fiery, high-energy speech in Houston today, claiming to be the only candidate who could beat incumbent Ronald Reagan. “I am the only candidate who can unite the party to defeat Reagan,” he said to scattered applause. “When Super Thursday hits here in a […]
U.S.—After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba’s totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate’s loyal supporters scrambled to cobble together makeshift rafts so they could paddle over to Cuba to experience the Communist island’s renowned literacy programs, medical care, and other social services. Desperate refugees clung to anything that would float as they attempted to sail across […]
LAS VEGAS, NV—Bernie Sanders took criticism for owning three houses at last night’s Democratic debate. He defended himself eloquently, using the argument that “basically everyone who’s not a dumb, poor person has three houses” and that “having three houses is fun and convenient.” But Sanders realized the blows were landing too effectively. So, to deflect […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi has been criticized for tearing up President Trump’s speech after the State of the Union since immature behavior is almost completely unheard of among politicians. But Pelosi has stuck by her actions, saying that tearing things up comes naturally to Democrats, whether those things are speeches about America and patriotism or unborn […]
WASHINGTON D.C.—After completely mopping the floor with the snowflake libs on the Senate floor, the Trump administration fears that he is at high risk of drowning in a literal tidal wave of liberal tears during Tuesday’s State of the Union address. “The risk for liberal tear downpour is always high any time Trump speaks,” said […]
U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been the world’s best satire site for thousands of years, spawning dozens of secular knock-offs that just aren’t quite as good. The site announced a new acquisition this week, one that immediately made the site the largest satirical site on the planet: a purchase of competing satire site CNN for $12 […]
U.S.—Horror has spread throughout the nation as the unthinkable has happened: A new, even deadlier successor to the AR-15 — the AR-16 — is now for sale. The gun is a lot like the destructive AR-15 but is even scarier, as it is wearing a red “Make America Great Again” hat. The AR-15 was the […]
DES MOINES, IA—Many were shocked to turn to CNN last night and see what appeared to be a Ku Klux Klan rally. Airing for two hours was an all-white assembly of people talking about their superior plans for the country. CNN received numerous complaints but explained it was not a Klan rally but in fact […]
DES MOINES, IA—The FCC announced today that the next Democratic debate will not require viewers to use a color television. The decision was made in part due to the fact that all the remaining candidates are white. The FCC cites several other reasons for the change, however. The FCC reminded everyone in a statement that […]