U.S.—Democrats have proposed a new debate format they find acceptable: one where Joe Biden is tied up backstage with his mouth duct-taped shut. “This is the only fair way to do it,” said a DNC spokesperson. “To allow our candidate to speak would simply be an unfair advantage to the candidate who has some semblance […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference Wednesday, Dr. Fauci suggested that Americans cover their entire bodies in bubble wrap to protect against coronavirus. “Studies have shown that this is very effective at stopping the virus, germs, and the oxygen that carries these things,” Fauci said. “You will no longer have to worry about death by coronavirus, […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Jerry Nadler continued to insist that the violent riots across the country are “a myth” in a hearing today, even as Antifa rioters stormed the Capitol Building and set fire to the very room where Nadler was testifying. Nadler continued to insist that the violence of the rioters was totally fabricated as the […]
U.S.—Leftists are warning that President Donald Trump might not accept the results of the 2020 election. These same leftists have spent the last four years declaring that Trump is not their president, that Hillary Clinton actually won because she won the popular vote, and that Trump only won because of Russian interference. “It would absolutely […]
U.S.—A new CNN poll released Monday found that Joe Biden was leading in several key battleground cemeteries. 84% of the respondents said they would be voting for the Democratic challenger, while 2% said they would support incumbent Donald Trump. 14% just moaned, “BRAAAAAINS!” and reached their rotting arms out in front of them while shambling […]
CHICAGO, IL—Amid mounting pressure from a coordinated campaign of 12 mentally ill Twitter users, Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf has confirmed the franchise will finally be dropping the offensive word “white” from their name. “Being a mascot is an honor,” Jerry said. “Unless, of course, your mascot is a Native American. Then it’s a […]
U.S.—After Goya sales skyrocketed in response to a boycott in response to the CEO announcing his support of Trump, which was probably in response to something else dumb that happened in this dumb world, thousands of CEOs announced their support for Trump in hopes of triggering a similar boycott. Thousands of CEOs tripped over themselves […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At her weekly press briefing today, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi commented on the removal of statues by protesters, saying, “We have to knock the statues down to find out if they’re racist.” Many have expressed concerns that the statue-toppling is going too far, but Pelosi urged everyone to remain calm and that […]
U.S.—After weeks of hearing calls for police reform, local and state police departments across the country are finally making strides toward fairness and justice in policing. One major reform sweeping the nation involves changing the way dispatchers allocate police resources. Thanks to new technology, 911 operators can now require callers to press “1” to check […]
EASTERN OKLAHOMA—The Supreme Court decided this week that half of Oklahoma is Native American land. Failed presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren was seen soon after in the newly formed Eastern Oklahoma Autonomous Zone with an authentic tomahawk and bow purchased in a gift shop, declaring herself to be the warlord of the area. “We must overthrow […]
U.S.—Governors across the country have reinstated lockdowns mere weeks after slowly starting to lift them, citing a “concerning spike” in jobs and the economy. Worried that the increase in jobs, prosperity, and happiness would hurt them in November, they reacted to the economic upturn quickly, shutting down businesses and locking people back in their homes. […]
WORLD—A group of atheists, along with some agnostics, announced on Tuesday a new sociopolitical movement consistent with their worldview called No Lives Matter. According to sources, organizers for NLM have planned numerous rallies to protest other rallies claiming that lives matter. The organization’s mission statement defines the group as “people motivated by the belief that […]
PORTLAND, OR—Local woman Peyton Hill says she definitely would not have supported the Holocaust if she lived in Nazi Germany during the 1930s and 1940s, thinking herself enlightened by the glorious morality of the current year and not susceptible to being deceived as brutish, barbaric humans were in ages past. She said this even though […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—There has been much talk about renaming the Washington Redskins, since their offensive name has no place in our modern, enlightened society that has done away with all other immorality and sin. The District of Columbia informed the team that they cannot return to playing within the district until they have a name that is […]
U.S.—Oh no! Democrat leaders sure are in a pickle. They are really trying to be tyrants and enact a police state with their COVID-19 orders and lockdowns, but oops: they just defunded the police and now don’t have any police officers to enforce their orders! Oops-a-daisy! “We may have defunded the police slightly too early,” […]