SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey was summoned to the Senate’s hearing on Big Tech today, but he was tripping on acid with the spider-monkeys off the southern coast of St. Bart’s, so he quickly called up his office and had his people hire a homeless man hanging out in front of Twitter’s headquarters to fill in […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
THE BRONX, NY—AOC blasted election officials this week after discovering that people were actually waiting in line to vote rather than to receive bread from the government. According to sources, people are sometimes waiting up to 2 hours at polling stations, but are able to get bread within 5 minutes due to America’s evil capitalist […]
Want to know who’s going to run in every presidential election for the next few decades? Follow along with the BNN news team as Dr. Malcolm Farnsworth unveils his election prediction machine and tells us who’s going to run for president. The results are not pretty. SCIENCE! WATCH: If you want more bizarre animated videos […]
AUSTIN, TX—To the relief of Texans across the state, Governor Greg Abbott has signed a law prohibiting escaping Californians from voting after they move to Texas. Experts say this will prevent the happy and prosperous slice of heaven from sliding into the endless despair and crushing poverty of leftist policy. “Yeah, all you weirdo Californians […]
NASHVILLE, TN—Tonight’s final presidential debate got off to a bit of a rough start for Joe Biden. When the debate began, and the two candidates walked toward their respective podiums, Biden looked over and noticed that President Trump was carrying his son Hunter’s laptop. Sweat dripped from Biden’s brow as he answered the opening question. […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden is being criticized for buying votes after he unveiled a new plan to give anyone who votes for him a seat on the Supreme Court. “Anyone who votes for me will be appointed to the highest court in the land,” he said in a speech Monday to seven riveted rally attendees. “One vote […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden made a novel suggestion for cops and people who want to defend themselves against violent criminals: making them slip on a banana peel. “Look, Jack, if a criminal is running toward you, you don’t have to shoot them,” Biden said at last night’s town hall on ABC. “All you have to do […]
U.S.—Trump is polling high among an unexpected group: libertarians, who were energized and drawn to Trump’s cause after the New York Times revealed that he paid as little as $750 in federal taxes some years. “Only paying a few hundred in federal theft? This guy is my hero!” said libertarian man Murray Mickelson of New […]
The power of the Constitution compels you! Our creative director Ethan Nicolle stayed up all night to bring you this incredibly accurate reenactment of Amy Coney Barrett’s Senate hearings this week. Make sure no small children are in the room when you watch this, or they will be scarred for life: If you want […]
There’s a disgusting, absolutely 100% false story about Joe Biden’s son going around. It’s so bad that it has been condemned by the wise, moral, upstanding people who run Twitter and Facebook. Even mentioning the story can get you banned from these platforms. That’s how bad and false the story is. It claims that Biden’s […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was quite a spectacle at the Senate hearing for Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, as Judge Barrett calmly answered the committee’s questions while cooking dinner for her family of nine with her right hand and typing up an appellate court decision with her left hand. “That’s a great […]
U.S.—Facing growing frustration from parents over prolonged school closures, the American Federation of Teachers has released a statement promising school will resume just as soon as all the public school teachers are done campaigning for Biden. “We realized that these prolonged school closures were a perfect opportunity to mobilize our 1.7 million-member union to get […]
LAS VEGAS, NV—Joe Biden was asked yet again today if he plans to abolish the Constitution, overthrow Congress, dismiss the Supreme Court, and set up a Communist regime to take their place. Once again, Biden refused to answer the question, saying voters will find out whether he plans to seize the means of production and […]
VATICAN CITY—The Pope has declared that the Catholic Church will no longer accept any donations its members give out of their wealth earned by capitalism. The declaration takes effect immediately. Catholic parishes are asked to monitor donations given during the offertory. Parishioners are to fill out a form stating where they got the money. If […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In what’s being hailed as a 14-dimensional Go move, President Trump added a Black Lives Matter decal to his SUV so he can take as many trips outside the hospital as he wants, and the media won’t be able to claim he’s spreading COVID. “Checkmate,” Trump said as he smiled and waved to reporters. […]