MONTECITO, CA—From his cool, air-conditioned mansion, famed genius and internet inventor Al Gore held a press conference today where he officially banned Donald Trump from the internet. “As the inventor of the internet, I hereby declare Trump banned for life,” Gore said solemnly. “He’s not allowed on Twitter, Facebook, Angelfire, MySpace, Geocities, AOL, Google, Tinder, […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, the CIA has replaced enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding with something even more torturous and effective: 12-hour academic lectures on intersectional feminism. “Waterboarding has been shown to be very effective,” said the anonymous source. “But that’s been replaced now. Now we just pop in a tape of Robin DiAngelo, […]
U.S.—A Trump spokesman has recently announced that Trump will soon be returning to social media with his own platform. This new “trumped-up” social media site is expected to completely change the game and will feature an all-new look and experience for users. “We are removing the lame verification badges and replacing them with ‘People Who […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In the wake of a black man from the South expressing optimism about race in America, outraged liberals across the nation are doing everything in their power to crush that kind of positive thinking before it really gets out of hand. “Look, black people are great and all, but they aren’t allowed to disagree […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A spokesman for the FDA announced Friday that it was lifting the pause on the Johnson and Johnson COVID vaccine after the company reformulated the product into a trademarked No More Clots™ formula. Shares of the company jumped 5% after the announcement. “We are pleased to announce that Johnson and Johnson’s new vaccine formula […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Senator Tim Scott said America is no longer a racist country, Democrats scrambled to prove him wrong. They quickly devastated his argument by going into storage and dusting off their old KKK hoods, which they then donned to show him just how racist America actually is. “If America isn’t racist, would we be […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After successfully plundering the dreams and futures of your great-grandchildren to pay off unions and poorly run blue states, the Democrat Party has announced they are moving on to plundering your great-great-grandchildren. “We wanted to spend another $6 trillion, but we ran out of everyone’s great-grandkids’ money,” said Senator Chuck Schumer, “but then we found all […]
In our latest video, we give you an exclusive first look at the toy commercial for G.I. Pat — the genderless version of G.I. Joe! Watch as Pat punches Nazis in the face and shoots lasers at the most evil villain of all: Mike Pence! Do you desire a steady stream of hard-hitting news reports, […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a somber address on Tuesday, Nancy Pelosi thanked millions of aborted babies for sacrificing their lives for women’s rights. “Thank you 60 million babies, for sacrificing your life for the noble cause of reproductive healthcare,” she began. “Because of you, and because of millions of activists around the world who came out to abort […]
SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—According to sources, local English major Charlie Miller was able to ace her final exam by simply writing in the word “racism!” for every answer. “Yeah, I completely forgot to study last night so I figured I would try it,” she said. “90% of my lectures this year were just hour-long sessions of my professor […]
MONTPELIER, VT—In an address from one of his homes, Bernie Sanders condemned BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors for getting rich off politics and buying four homes. After it came out that the co-founder of the movement had purchased multiple large homes, Sanders quickly held a press conference condemning her “callous and unfair profiteering.” “No one in […]
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—The Minneapolis City Council has voted unanimously for the equitable distribution of looting passports to peaceful protestors. “It can be confusing for citizens to know if a crime is acceptable or not based on the ebb and flow of the City Council’s agenda,” said Councilperson Maria Saliva. “With looting passports, protestors can know when […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has proposed a novel plan for promoting equality in our nation’s highways system, which literally has racism built into its DNA. His new plan promises to even things out for people of color by giving each race their own lane. “Each race will be asked to stay in their lane,” […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference today in which President Biden announced new executive action on gun control, he made an emotional plea to Americans, making his case that the action was needed. In particular, he claimed that gun shows are “free-for-alls” where anyone can just go in and pick up a nuclear missile. “Anybody can […]
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Tech giant Google announced today that they are removing the entire state of Georgia from their Google Maps platform, effective immediately. This comes in response to the state’s recent voter law that many are calling racist. “We cannot allow these racist laws to stand,” said a spokesman from the Google Office of Diversity, […]