Thousands Of CEOs Announce They Support Trump In Hopes Of Triggering A Boycott

U.S.—After Goya sales skyrocketed in response to a boycott in response to the CEO announcing his support of Trump, which was probably in response to something else dumb that happened in this dumb world, thousands of CEOs announced their support for Trump in hopes of triggering a similar boycott.

Thousands of CEOs tripped over themselves to put on MAGA hats and get a press conference with the president, hoping for “one of them sweet Goya boycotts.”

“Oh, yeah, I totally support Trump. Please boycott us just like you boycotted Goya!” said the CEO of a rubber band manufacturer in Iowa. His rubber band sales immediately bounced back, garnering him tons of sales, which is great for a product like rubber bands that have elastic demand.

The CEO of reputable news site The Babylon Bee, Seth Dillon, immediately ran out and got a MAGA neck tattoo. He already had one on his lower back, but wanted to show his support for Trump more visibly so that liberals would announce a boycott and subscriptions to the site would skyrocket. “Seriously, please. I’m begging you. Boycott us. I could use another Lambo.”

CNN’s CEO, Bob CNN, tried to announce his support for Trump as a last-ditch effort to get liberals to boycott it and conversatives to rally around the station and start watching it, but no one believed him, sadly.

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