Democrats Propose New Debate Format Where Biden Is Tied Up Backstage With His Mouth Duct-Taped Shut

U.S.—Democrats have proposed a new debate format they find acceptable: one where Joe Biden is tied up backstage with his mouth duct-taped shut.

“This is the only fair way to do it,” said a DNC spokesperson. “To allow our candidate to speak would simply be an unfair advantage to the candidate who has some semblance of rational thought left in his brain. Besides, we’re trying to win here. Tying up our candidate and stuffing a sock in his mouth has been shown to improve his poll numbers significantly.”

The format will feature Trump just shouting at an empty podium while Biden is safely secured by his handlers backstage. Moderators can ask Biden questions, but he will only be able to respond with muffled grunts from somewhere behind the curtain. Trump is expected to respond to Biden’s two minutes of silence by saying, “Wrong!” and “Sad!” over and over again.

The Trump campaign has agreed to the terms as long as Trump is also tied up backstage with his mouth duct-taped shut.

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