Goodyear Announces They Will Only Sell Tires For Left Side Of Car

AKRON, OH—Drivers who get their vehicles serviced at Goodyear will now only be able to get tires for one side of their cars. The company announced this week it will only be selling tires for the left side of cars that come into its shops for service.

The company acknowledged this may create an inconvenience for its customers, but has already begun the process of making the change in all of its locations around the country.

“Customers have lots of options for places to get tires for the other side of the car,” said Goodyear Chairman and CEO Rich Kramer. “It may not be popular, but we felt this was a stand we needed to take.”

The company’s exclusion applies to Service as well as Sales. Technicians may rotate the two tires on the driver’s side, but may not do any work on the other side of the vehicle.

“Often, the driver is the only passenger in the car, so tires on that side get a lot more wear,” Kramer clarified. “So focusing on those two just makes sense. By the way, we want to emphasize that this is not a political decision and that we are in no way giving special treatment to one side of the vehicle.”

Also, if you come in with four tires, Goodyear will scream and destroy your right-side tires, free of charge.

RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE:

Biden Leads Democrats In Pledge Of Allegiance To ‘One Nation Under, You Know, The Thing’

Gen Xers Decide To Split Off From Rest Of Society And Form A Utopia That’s All Relaxed And Cool And, You Know, Whatever

Approaching Asteroid Skyrockets To Top Of Polls

Journalists Horrified As Melania Unveils 50-Foot-Tall Trump-Shaped Bushes In Rose Garden

Did Democrats Sacrifice Several Goats To Satan At The DNC? Fact Check: FALSE. They Actually Sacrificed Just One Goat.