We all know Biden is planning to become an oppressive dictator. He is a Democrat and Democrats are Marxists and Marxists killed one hundred million people last century, so Biden is probably planning to kill at least that many. Here are the signs to look for that Biden is about to go full dictator.
1) Puts kids in cages: Dictator 101 stuff right here. Just shoves kids in cages and hopes you’ll forget about them.
2) Pretends to be a senile old man as an excuse to forget about civil rights: If he keeps rambling and looking senile, that just so later he can be all “What’s a Constitution? I don’t remember that.”
3) Attempt a federal takeover of voting regulations: The easiest way to dictatorship is to control the elections.
4) Has an evil henchwoman that chuckles at questions about human tragedy: Your pain and suffering is their amusement. Truly frightening.
5) Talks in secret coded language disguised as old man gibberish (“Corn Pop was a bad dude”) to give commands to his secret police: Classic KGB tactic.
6) Sniffs hair: If there’s one thing dictators love, it’s sniffing hair. Why do you think Hitler and Stalin had mustaches? So they could smell hair all the time! Wake up, America!
7) Has his dog attack anyone who displeases him: That’s just straight-up Mr. Burns level evil. I’m sure he’ll say they’re “accidents” though.
8) Threatens to nuke everyone: This one is kind of over the top; if it happens, better start forming your underground resistance right away.
Uh-Oh. Looks like we’re in trouble!
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.