Lego Figures Charged With Insurrection

Washington, DC — As news that one of the dangerous January 6 insurrectionists had a Lego Capitol taken from his home as evidence, further news has leaked that the FBI will likely charge many of his Lego mini-figures with weapons and conspiracy charges.

An unknown number of mini-figures was taken into custody. At least four were reportedly cooperating with law enforcement and may have been long-time FBI informants.

Neighbors report a small firefight had erupted from the basement of the house when officers tried to exercise a search warrant. Fred Fredrickson lives behind the house and claims to have witnessed the entire operation.

“I heard a knocking on his door at about 2 am, but they had the bust down the door because he wasn’t home, y’know? Then I clearly heard them from the basement sayin’ ‘I see you hiding in that fully constructed Roman Coliseum – come out with your little plastic gripper-things up!’ Then I hear ’em going ‘pew pew pew’ and making shooting sounds with his mouth,” he said.

Mr. Frederickson continued, “Then I seen some of them loaded into a Lego City Prisoner Transporter and noticed about half were wearing little red ball caps. You could just make out MAGA on them lil’ hats. I was terrified – they’ve been living next to me for five years!”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Panem Et Circenses from The Peoples Cube is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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