Now That He’s Sold The Pfizer Vaccine, Here Are 10 More Upcoming Product Endorsements From Big Bird

The beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird is finally doing what he was born to do: sell pharmaceutical products to small children! After his resounding success in selling a Pfizer vaccine, here are 10 more exciting Big Bird product endorsements PBS is planning:

1) The brand new cereal Pfizer-O’s: Every bowl is the equivalent of one additional COVID booster. The FDA says it’s a balanced part of your complete breakfast! Cool!

2) Pfizer’s watermelon flavored puberty blocker chewables: change your gender without sacrificing taste.

3) Lead finger-paint set: This is a great way to boost your child’s immunity to lead poisoning. Made in China.

4) Communist Manifesto: Illustrated Children’s Edition: It’s never too early to introduce your kids to the greatest political ideology on earth. A great alternative to Tuttle Twins books.

5) Fisher Price’s My First Pregnancy Test: They even come in pink and blue, depending on whether your pregnant child is a man or a woman!

6) Waterboarding kit: A great way for kids to learn how we treat enemies of the state.

7) COVID Heroes Trading Cards: Fauci, Whitmer, Newsom… collect ’em all!

8) Injectable sugar: a great way to boost your energy on the go!

9) Afghanistan withdrawal Lego set: Reenact Biden’s heroic withdrawal from Afghanistan, and decide who gets left behind!

10) A government-issued satellite phone for reporting your parents to the state: Don’t let them get away with mask violations on your watch!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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