VIDEO: Dating Someone Who’s Anti-Gun

Former U.S. Army Ranger and combat veteran Mat Best is known for some of the best political satire on YouTube.

With the heated debate on the merits of the Second Amendment perhaps the only real threat is bad logic. Watch and learn [warning harsh language]:

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Matt Best 11X originally appeared on YouTube. Please support these organizations:

LEAKED: Democrat Presidential Candidate List for 2020

By

 

 

Comrades, there is excitement in the air. As we drive out members of the Trump administration and their supporters from restaurants, book stores and shopping malls one can get a whiff of the sweet smell of anarchy.

We have elected a Democratic Socialist to Congress, we must now take time to pick our presidential candidate for 2020.

It is time to put on your pink pussy hats, or burkas, and follow the collective down a new path to confiscate pieces of everything and take prosperity from all of the working class. Freedom and free stuff for everyone! Social justice and equality in the name of the state, forever! What’s in your wallet will be ours, comrades, if we elect the right person, a Facebook approved gender neutral term.

We don’t want to repeat what happened in November 2016. Remember that night of horrors?

Here’s a brief reminder:

There is a growing list of candidates willing and able to fundamentally transform America back to what it was under our exalted leader Barack Hussein Obama. Government must be returned to Washington, D.C. and the Democratic [Socialists] Party of America. There is no room left in our party for those who don’t embrace our core values of violence, hate and bigotry. The basis of our new Democratic [Socialists] Party of America platform is in one word “control.”

The unwashed masses want someone to control them and we stand shoulder to shoulder to do just that.

It is fortuitous that an unnamed fired FBI source has leaked the Democratic [Socialists] Party of America’s short list of presidential candidates to CNN,  MSNBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, the Supreme Leader of Iran Ali Khamenei and President Vladimir Putin.

According to the unnamed fired FBI source, “Once we put a Democratic [Socialist] Party of America we will have more flexibility with Vladimir and the KGB.”

Here is the leaked short list:

  1. Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton [a.k.a. two time loser]
  2. Antifa as a collectivist unit.
  3. David Hogg [once he reaches the age of 35]
  4. Pocahontas [a.k.a. Elizabeth Warren]
  5. Stormy Daniels [a.k.a. Stephanie Gregory Clifford]
  6. Creepy Uncle Joe Biden
  7. A transgender, union working, intersectional candidate mystery candidate [Oprah, Rachel Maddow, Robert DeNiro or Anderson Cooper?].

It is time for us, comrades, to take “control” and name our own Marxist candidate to run for President of the United States. Please take the time to add your presidential hopeful in the comments section. If your nominee found sufficiently Communiste, your recommendation will be added to the list.

Remember comrades, we are rapidly progressing from “RESIST” to “CONTROL” in 2020!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Russian Bot originally appeared in Pravda USA [a.k.a. CNN]. 

VIDEO: Why we need to resist the obsolete Electrical College

Comrades, surely the time has come for us to realize that we live in a modern age far removed from the times of the Founding Fathers.

The Electrical College simply must go, and here are three compelling reasons why…

And while we’re at it, let’s also abolish ICE, profit, borders, prisons, and cash bail. 

Help is on the way, comrades! Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a dues-paying member of this organization, has just won a Democrat primary in New York, which in that city means a guaranteed seat in the U.S. Congress.

RELATED ARTICLES: 

Headlock Helen – the Woman Superhero of Portland

Blue Wave: placing the ossified Dems in a useful context

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.

Fun facts about Maxine Waters

1. Maxine Waters wears James Brown’s energizer wig, from which she derives all her power. Pulling the wig off instantly puts her to sleep, while her staff places it on a special charger.

2. Her 43rd congressional district in California is shaped like a penis. She loves it, even though she hasn’t seen it in a long time. She blames the Republicans and Trump for how it is pointing downward. In her mind the words “The South will rise again” have a whole different meaning.

3. Maxine Waters once refused to save 15% or more by switching to Geico because that would have made her a sellout to corporate interests.

If you know more fun facts about Maxine Waters, share them here.

RELATED VIDEO: From another Maxine Waters thread.

RELATED ARTICLES:

MAXINE WATERS: Russia is out to get me!

Maxine Waters Set to Run Finance if Dems Win House in ’14!

Maxine Waters on Trump’s Defense Spending

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

CONTEST: Create Your Very Own Time Magazine Fake News Cover — Best Entry Gets Published

We are offering our readers the opportunity to create their personalized Time Magazine fake news cover. This was inspired by Time’s most recent cover showing President Donald J. Trump and a crying little girl. The little girl was use as propaganda against current immigration policy that requires, by law and Supreme Court ruling, for children of illegal aliens be detained in a separate facility.

Here’s a blank template for our more creative readers to use.

Simply download the image and add your own fake news story line. Send your cover and any comments to our published at drswier@gmail.com. The top entry, chosen by our political satire experts, will be published.

Here are some examples making the rounds on social media. Hope they inspire your creativity.

WE HAVE RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING ENTRIES IN OUR TIME MAGAZINE FAKE NEWS CONTEST:

 

Submission by Arnold McGrath.

Submission by Doug Baker.

Barack Obama to play Donald Trump in new Netflix series

As we have reported earlier, streaming giant Netflix has entered into a multi-year agreement with Barack and Michelle Obama to produce films and TV shows, including scripted series, unscripted series, docu-series, documentaries and features, but until now the content of these shows remained a mystery.

Today the Board of Directors has announced that Barack Obama will play the part of Donald Trump and Michelle Obama will play Melania Trump, a former nude model.

The decision came after difficult deliberations and soul-searching, but the data collected in numerous inside polls and focus groups indicated that most Netflix subscribers would rather watch Trump than Obama, and would rather see Melania on their screens than Michelle.

“I love Barack dearly and I used to be his national security advisor,” said Susan Rice, who has recently become a Netflix board member. “But now that I’m working in the private sector, I’ve come to realize that a corporation’s first goal is to make money, and my money is on Donald Trump. Turn on your TV and all you will see is Trump all the time. He attracts all demographics regardless of their party affiliation. The fundamental transformation of America will have to wait.”

Rice’s comments were seconded by Ted Sarandos, Netflix’s chief content officer.

“Surely we were hoping that the new series would continue to propagandize Barack Obama’s ideas about transgender equality, redistribution of wealth, and environmental justice,” said Sarandos, who has donated to various Democratic causes, including the presidential campaigns of Obama and Clinton. “But what would be the point if no one watches it?”

“Our shareholders expect us to generate profit,” Netflix’s chief content officer added. “We would be nothing but frauds and ideological hacks if we used their assets to promote ideas that can potentially destroy our business. But since we’ve already signed a contract with the Obamas, we’ve found a compromise between profit and ideology. If our subscribers want the Trumps, we’ll give them the Trumps, but they will be played by the Obamas.”

Despite initial fears, the former President and First Lady wholeheartedly accepted the idea to play the Trump couple. According to their family psychoanalyst, Barack Obama is already fond of taking credit for Trump’s successes. Taking credit for the entire Trump term – presiding over an economic boom, a surging stock market, the defeat of ISIS, the denuclearization of North Korea, and record-low Black unemployment – would be a dream come true.

“As a mental health professional, I can only encourage Barack Obama to reenact a more successful presidency and experience all the positive things that never happened during his own term. That would go a long way to relieve his current level of stress and anxiety caused by positive domestic and international developments,” he said.

“The same applies to Michelle, who for eight years as First Lady acted as if she were a fashion model, but could never become one for obvious reasons,” added the Obama therapist. “Her brave decision to become Melania and perform the nude scenes without body doubles is expected to have a miraculous healing effect on her self-image.”

MORE ON THE PEOPLE’S BLOG:

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Miss America without swimsuits! Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Anthony Weiner & Harvey Weinstein respond. [Video]

PHOTO: Gretchen Carlson appears on Good Morning America, June 5, 2018.

Gretchen Carlson, chair of the Miss America Organization Board of Trustees,  announced there will be no more swimsuit competition. Ms. Carlson said, “We are no longer a pageant; we are a competition. We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance!”

Ms. Carlson pointed to “evolving in this cultural revolution” for the decision.

We decided to ask a select group of men about this “cultural revolution” shift.

Bill Clinton during his #MeToo book tour noted,

I believe that the Miss America Board of Trustees should consider a blue dress competition. This will allow the judges to not focus on physical appearance, no offense Monica, but rather on the content of their contestants’ characters, no offense to MLK. I have sent a box of premium Cuban cigars to Ms. Carlson.

Well done!

Bill Cosby, formerly known as America’s father, in a brief statement from his lawyer said,

Father’s across America and the world thank Gretchen for covering up our women. I have since converted to Islam and as a Muslim believe that the Miss America Board should consider a “burka competition.” Only then can the pageant truly become a competition. Only then will women be judged not by their appearance but by their submission to Allah, no pun intended.

Anthony Weiner tweeted the picture below to Ms. Carlson stating, “I was unfairly judged by my outward physical appearance. I commend Gretchen for starting a ‘new cultural revolution’ where men are not judged by their selfies to underage girls! #SelfieOn!”

Harvey Weinstein in a brief press release said,

I, like Bill Clinton, am a victim. I never judged women based upon mere outward appearance when on the casting couch for my films.

Just look at my film “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” as an example. Its a film about a hardworking and bright high-school senior, Leigh Ann (Katie Holmes) who has her impending status as valedictorian jeopardized when her bitter history teacher, Mrs. Tingle (Helen Mirren), gives her a poor grade on a project.

Obviously I admire mind over physical experience [sic]!

I fully believe that I will be vindicated and upon my release I will be asked to be a judge at the 2020, or maybe the 2070, Miss America pageant?

Wendy’s has re-released the below ad in the spirit of “competition”:

A Wendy’s spokesperson, a gender and physical appearance neutral term, noted, “We are proud to announce that we will be a Russian ruble sponsor for the 2019 Miss America Competition taking place on Sunday, September 9, 2018 at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City. Our motto will be ‘where’s the beef?’, no pun intended.”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column has been submitted to Sports Illustrated for placement in its next “swimsuit edition.”

Prog off: New Rocky and Bullwinkle Season 101 approved!

I just watched the first two episodes of Dreamworks’ The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle 2018 on Amazon Prime (Season 101) – mostly to make sure that someone in Hollywood didn’t ruin the old favorite and/or resurrect the themes of Red Scare and Russian spies in order to perpetuate the Trump/Russia collusion narrative.

It turns out, I liked the remake even better than the original. Of course, I never watched them as a child, having spent my tender years on the other side of the Iron Curtain, so I may not have the right perspective.

Boris and Natasha look almost the same, only more angular and stylized, but with the same great pseudo-Russian accents. The Fearless Leader is now less East German and has more of a Russian accent. Talking about his motivation to control the world, he seems to be stealing his lines from Vladimir Putin:

As you know, for years, Pottsylvania has been the laughingstock of the Free World. “Pottsylvania is weak!” “Pottsylvania is stupid!” “What’s a Pottsylvania?” Well, the laughing stops now, when I unleash the full power of my doomsday device!

If the original cartoon placed his country vaguely in the spot where East Germany used to be, the new map shows Pottsylvania as an island in the middle of the Black Sea (it has no islands), right next to the Crimean peninsula, which recently had been annexed by Putin. I find it very clever.

The main difference from the original series is that now Rocky and Bullwinkle are being chased not only by Boris and Natasha, but also by the incompetent Homeland Security, headed by Director Peachfuzz, a crazy androgynous black lady. I don’t know if that’s intentional, but Peachfuzz is a great composite caricature of Loretta Lynch / Susan Rice / Comey / Clapper / Brennan and the rest of the notorious gang.

If ridiculing our bumbling intelligence leaders at other times may have seemed subversive, in the Trump era it’s spot-on and hilarious.

Enjoy and write your own reviews below!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Barack and Michelle Obama do Netflix

Former President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama will produce films and TV shows for Netflix as part of a multi-year agreement, the streaming giant announced Monday. The deal will potentially include scripted series, unscripted series, docu-series, documentaries and features under their Higher Ground Productions banner.

A search for Higher Ground Productions has led us on a wild goose chase, similar to when we tried to verify a Nigerian email about Abacha Tunde, the first African in space who flew to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989, but was stranded there when the USSR was dissolved, and needed money to return home.

Nevertheless, since the Netflix-Obama deal has hit the news yesterday, the pre-orgasmic anticipation among media organs of the O-shaped eye candy is registering 11 on our state-approved radar. And while no one yet has a slightest clue about the content, let us be the first to announce the list of potential titles.

  • The Wire
    A team of Obama loyalists inside the DOJ and the FBI try to prevent a government takeover by wiretapping the presidential campaign of the Orange Monster.
  • Orange is the New Black
    The Orange Monster replaces the first black president in the Oval Office.
  • The Odd Couple
    Season 1: Obama transforms America with his phone and his pen. Season 2: The Orange Monster comes and erases Season 1.
  • One and a Half Men
    The life and times of Barack and Michelle Obama.
  • Better call Saul Alinsky
    Professional tips on community organizing from the masters of trade.
  • Air America Rides Again
    Barack and Michelle go on magical adventures, learning about the wonders of Global Warming, lowering the sea levels, and making up fun scientific facts across a variety of locations and time periods.
  • The Americans
    Barack and Michelle Obama are two KGB spies in an arranged marriage who are posing as Americans in Washington, D.C., shortly after he is elected president.
  • Tax and the City
    We’re better than you and you know it. So kick back, eat your kale, and watch us party like there’s no tomorrow. When we run out of food, we’ll blame the Republicans.

Other possible titles include:

  • My So-Called Wife
  • Freak and Geek
  • American Idle
  • House of Race Cards
  • Game of Drones
  • Fifty Shades of Government

RELATED ARTICLES:

Honor Your Father Barack Obama & Mother Michelle Obama!

Obama Nation the movie: who will play Barack and Michelle?

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

BREAKING: Mueller to indict 62,984,828 Americans for colluding to elect Trump

Unnamed sources have leaked to the New York Times that Special Council Robert Mueller will be issuing 62,984,828 indictments on Monday, May 21st, 2018. According to the unnamed source in the Justice Department:

Special Council Mueller will be issuing over 62 million indictments for those who colluded with the Trump Campaign and then voted for Donald J. Trump for president.

The investigation has determined that, although none of those indicted are citizens of Russia, they “materially colluded” to elect an un-electable man to become President of the United States. The indictments will be released on Monday, May 21st, 2018, which is the date of the 1st Democratic National Convention in Baltimore, Maryland in 1832.

This is the largest indictment issued since the internment of Japanese Americans during WW II under Franklin D. Roosevelt, a Democrat.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), according to unnamed sources, is creating internment/re-education camps for those indicted, pending trial. The camps will be run by members of the Democratic National Committee. A FEMA spokesperson, a gender neutral term, warned:

We have a major task in front of us. We are consulting with the government of North Korea to help us set up internment camps for political dissidents. These internment camps will be located in those states that put Trump into the White House. These camps will be designated as “Kwalliso” (Korean for penal labor colonies).

Those interred will be barred from voting in the November 2016 midterm elections for the safety of the nation.

In order to make additional room for these Trump voters we have reached an agreement with the states of California and New York to release all illegal aliens and MS13 gang members to make additional cell space available immediately.

Former FBI director James Comey has been hired to oversee these penal labor colonies.

A spokesperson, a gender neutral term, for former President Obama’s Organizing for Action/Resist movement said:

We are pleased with the actions that will be taken by Mr. Mueller on Monday. It is time to stop the dismantling of Barack’s legacy. These indictments are long overdue. It is time to rid America of all the misogynistic, homophobic, God and gun loving voters.

This is a fist step in ethnic cleaning of those on the voting roles who were misguided enough to vote for Trump.

Hillary Clinton in a short statement noted:

I blame those who voted for Trump for my decline and falling, no pun intended.

Michelle Obama said she was, “happy that those women who voted for Trump will be purged. No woman is eligible to vote who doesn’t vote Democrat and for the blue wave in 2018! Better dead than red!”

Donald J. Trump Jr. tweeted:

Figures. LOL.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Anonymous first appeared on CNN and Saturday Night Live.

Hawaiian judge orders released U.S. detainees back to N. Korea

A federal judge in Hawaii has blocked the recent release of three U.S. detainees from North Korea, calling it a political stunt that violated the detainees’ constitutional right to “full and fair punishment,” ordering that they be immediately returned to a North Korean prison.

The case, brought by Hawaii Atty. Gen. Douglas Chin, follows his earlier move to declare Trump’s peace effort unconstitutional and ordering the Korean War to continue as it had been during previous administrations.

The latest decision, made just hours after the plane with the detainees landed in Washington, D.C., has struck down the Trump administration’s attempt to change the status quo and set the stage for the upcoming U.S.- North Korea summit in Singapore.

U.S. District Judge Derrick Watson argued that the latest release illegally discriminates based on nationality and would have “profound” and “detrimental” effects on residents of North Korea who would still remain inside the country while the three more privileged Korean-Americans would be allowed to leave. Thus, the judge argued, the release violates the equal protection guarantees of the U.S. Constitution.

Lawyers for the state also argued that the release, the coming summit, and ending the Korean War in general is an assault on the North Korean people’s human rights. The current North Korean government has a stellar record of preventing obesity and laziness among their people, who overwhelmingly prefer their lives to end uninterrupted by excessive eating and similar harmful decadence that plagues the so-called “free world.”

The cruel and unnecessary release of the American detainees is widely seen among progressive legal minds as cultural imperialism and a racist attempt to impose the American way of life, McDonald’s, Coke, electricity and hygiene on a people who have rejected it many decades ago, choosing the way of Juche.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Red Square originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.

NETFLIX Announces ‘Master and Slave’ an Original ‘Role Playing’ Series — BDSM community outraged!

According to anonymous sources two of the top “role players” in politics Stormy Daniels and Eric Schneiderman have been hired to “role play” in the new NETFLIX Original Series “Master and Slave.” It is unclear who will play the part of “the master.” Michael Avenatti will be representing Ms. Daniels in the negotiations with NETFLIX. Mr. Schneiderman will be representing himself in the negotiations and in court as cases are brought by those he had “consensual role playing” with.

The anonymous source revealed that Stormy and Eric were “chosen because of  their extensive experience as role players” since the election of President Donald J. Trump. Both have an extensive background in suing Trump for various reasons such as, but not limited to: tweets, global warming, illegal aliens and a woman’s right to role play, no pun intended.

A spokes person (a gender neutral term) for Mr. Schneiderman notes:

Eric is very excited to role play with Stormy. While Stormy is white and Eric prefers brown slaves, we will leave the creative development of the script up to the NETFLIX team of writers, producers and directors. We understand that Harvey Weinstein, who Eric has indicted for sexual misconduct, is being considered as the producer and director of “Master and Slave.”

A spokes person (a gender neutral term) for Ms. Daniels said in a short press release:

Stormy didn’t get her name by being the slave to any man. Stormy is considered an expert in “role playing.” We expect her vast experience in “role playing” will work in her favor during the negotiations. BTW Stormy is the only person (a gender neutral term) who can accurately describe President Trump’s genitalia.

Given her vast experience in “role playing” she should have the lead role of master. #MeToo!

The New York Post reported:

Many members of what’s widely known as the kink community are outraged that Eric Schneiderman, in resigning as New York’s attorney general, depicted his alleged violence toward several women as “role-playing and other consensual sexual activity.”

Aficionados of kinky sex noted that Schneiderman’s accusers insisted they had given no consent — which is considered obligatory among most practitioners of kink.

Since the NETFLIX announcement of the production of “Master and Slave” the kink community has demanded that all members of the cast sign an “obligatory” agreement to participate in “consensual role playing.” #MeKinky

Our anonymous source revealed that NETFLIX has:

Approached Barack and Michelle Obama and Eric Holder and James Comey to do pilots for two new Original Role Playing Series titled “President and First Lady Forever” and “We’re The Law, We Can’t Lie.”

President Trump tweeted:

Birds of a feather! Need I say more?

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Kinky You, Kinky Me magazine.

Obama claims credit for North and South Korea summit

ObamaKoreaTweet.jpgFormer President Barack Obama has later stated that most of the work in ending hostilities between North and South Korea was the years of diplomatic relations he conducted with North Korea prior to Trump taking office.

Obama shortly followed up with a similar Twitter announcement:

“History was made today when ABBA announced they are finally set to reunite and release new songs for the first time in 35 years. I am honored to have such an important role in ending the hostilities between Agnetha and Frida due to the years of diplomatic negotiations I conducted with them and the music industry prior to Trump taking office.”

Former President Obama has added later that Michelle Obama’s #BringBackOurUnifiedKorea campaign also played a key role here.

Korean war must continue: Hawaiian federal judge declares Trump’s peace effort unconstitutional.

Korean_War_Judge.jpg

Kommissar Chernobylski noted:

Ending the Korean War is not just a war crime. It is a crime against humanity and an assault on the North Korean people’s human rights. Starving and working people to death can prevent obesity and laziness, and most importantly, people prefer their lives to end uninterrupted by prosperity, eating, and freedom!

Trying to change the North Korean way of life is clearly a racist war against the North Korean people waged by that fascist Donald Trump who is obviously aiming to win the Nobel for achieving something, instead of nothing – like his predecessor, the Greatest President in US history who achieved nothing and for that reason is the Greatest President in US history.

Peace on the Korean Peninsula is American cultural appropriation and colonialism at its worst, just for profits to sell the people MacDonalds, Coke, Wranglers and iPhones! It imposes prosperity, health and happiness, and freedom to see the world and enjoy life, on a people who don’t need it.

It is about that time to launch the rockets and level Tokyo, Rocket Man! The North Koreans must take back their nation before the electricity is restored, the lights go on, people watch peace at hand on large panel TVs, and it’s too late to turn the clock back a half century.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Chedoh originally appeared on The Peoples Cube. The featured image is of President Barack Obama delivering remarks to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended the Korean War, at the Korean War Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., Saturday, July 27, 2013. (Official White House Photo by Amanda Lucidon)

We won’t reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday unless…

Every Progressive wants to reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™.

But not every Progressive is willing to admit that Karl Marx was just a dingbat with a delusional economic conspiracy theory.

Comrades, this is a problem.

There are countless potential converts to Marxism in the world – your friends, coworkers, and neighbors – whose only understanding of Marxism is that it’s a tool in the hands of power-hungry genocidal maniacs. And all too often we, Marxists, are too trapped in the dogmas of historical and dialectical materialism to meet those masses where they are, and make a connection with them by admitting that their wrongthink is probably right.

So consider this a prophetic plea to my comrades in the Party: We are never going to reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ until we’re willing to admit that Marx got everything wrong.

In order to connect with the masses, we have to be humble enough to accept that Karl Marx was just a sore loser consumed with envy and greed, and so he reinterpreted human history to fit his personal pet peeves. We have to be open-minded enough to affirm that Marx had stolen his philosophy from Hegel and Kant and that his theory of class consciousness is sheer lunacy that has nothing to do with reality.

Furthermore, if we want to free the toiling masses from the chains of capitalist oppression, we have to be unpretentious enough to admit that “class struggle” is a silly conspiracy theory and that “scientific communism” is an elaborate fairy tale concocted by Engels to assuage his guilt at being a successful capitalist entrepreneur.

How can we reach workers and peasants of America and other industrialized nations with our Current Truth™ when we walk around like we are absolutely certain that Karl Marx was infallible? How can we say that communism is our inevitable future if we’re not willing to reply “Doubleplusgood, comrade!” when our counterrevolutionary neighbor tells us that socialist economics in practice suffers from a 100% failure rate?

Who are we to assume that we have a monopoly on the Current Truth?

Was Marx an economic genius? Can socialism work? Maybe, maybe not. Probably not.

The more pressing question is this: Does it really matter?

I say that it does not. I say the more important issue is that there are masses of skeptical workers and peasants out there, completely unaware of the fact that they have nothing to lose but their chains. These struggling masses are waiting for you and me to bring them the Current Truth about the glorious benefits of a proletarian dictatorship, on the “to each according to their need” basis.

In a world where 100% of Marxist regimes have suffered a complete and utter failure compounded by massive repressions and murder of the opposition, the only way for Marxists to regain their credibility with the working classes is to finally admit that Marx was completely and utterly wrong about everything.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Imperatorskiy Pingvin originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Netflix Original Series: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Came to Love the Beheadings

Netflix is rumored to be considering doing a series based upon “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.” How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is a 1964 political satire black comedy film that satirizes the Cold War fears of a nuclear conflict between the Soviet Union and the United States. Since the fall of the former Soviet Union, Hollywood has been looking for a new theme that is top of mind with the movie going audience.

According to unnamed Hollywood investors, “Today the fears of a nuclear war have been replaced with the fear of being beheaded, particularly if you are the President of the United States, a Republican, Christian, Jew, Hindu, atheist, gay or just a non-Muslim.  We see this as an opportunity to create a new reality show for our growing progressive audience. Fear sells at the box office!”

The Netflix original series working title, according to anonymous sources, is “Dr. Mohammed: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Came to Love the Beheadings.”

The series will be directed by former comedian and Hollywood favorite Kathy Griffin. The cast will be actors whose roles portray members of the Democratic National Campaign Committee (DNCC), Antifa, Muslim Brotherhood and Black Lives Matter. According to anonymous sources, ISIS (a Muslim Brotherhood organization) will be sending its displaced migrant members to be interviewed for the action sequences in the new Netflix series “Beheadings.”

This Netflix original series will be the comeback of Harvey Weinstein since the #MeToo movement. Mr. Weinstein said in a press release:

I’m glad to be back in the saddle again, no pun intended.

I am aroused and excited, no pun intended, to be working on/with Kathy Griffin and Netflix on this new series that raises beheadings to an art form. It is time for us to stop worrying about being beheaded.

As a heterosexual, white, migrant Jew it is important to understand how our Muslim brothers and sisters have used the beheading of others to express their deepest feeling and emotions. We will be using volunteers to be beheaded.

In this Netflix original series heads will actually roll, no pun intended.

Netflix in a statement noted:

The well know character Dr. Strangelove, played by Peter Sellers in the original film How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, will be played by former British citizen, and member of ISIS, Mohammed Emwazi (a.k.a. Jihadi John, John the Beatle). John will play the role of Dr. Muhammad (founder of the Religion of Peace) in the series.

We are seeking Christians, Jews, Hindus, Confusions, and other non-Muslims for parts in our original series Beheadings. If you are looking for a part and making film history just call 1-800-BEHEADME. These positions are temporary and only require kneeling and bowing your head.

Any current or former employee of the White House is welcome to apply for this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Ms. Griffin, the Director of Beheadings, noted, “This is my comeback, my opportunity to show the world how a head in the hand is worth two in the White House.”

Al Hayat Media Center noted:

This gives our brothers and sisters a new lease on life. After being driven out of Syria and Iraq, we are looking for new opportunities to use our unique skills. We cannot think of a better place than Hollywood, California. Allah Akbar!

President Trump tweeted:

Fake news.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column originally appeared in the beheadings wanted section of the ISIS magazine Dabiq.