Report: Inflation Now Higher Than Biden’s Approval Rating

U.S.—In a historic first, the inflation rate of the U.S. Dollar has surpassed the approval rating of the President.

“Wow! My inflation is way higher than Trump’s inflation! Record high! Take that, Trump!” said Biden to a bowl of oranges he had mistaken for Trump. “It’s so high it even passed my really high approval rating! That’s how you do it, Jack!”

Biden’s aides then rushed in to explain that high inflation is a bad thing.

According to experts, runaway inflation is so high that it has broken the inflation meters on all the economist’s inflation measuring machines. Many are concerned this will make the poor become instantly much poorer, even as the wealthy and the political class are protected since they are able to ride on top of the inflation wave on their very expensive inflation wave surfboards.

Biden’s approval rating is not doing nearly as well, with several pollsters revealing it has melted down and sunk deep into the Earth’s core like a massive malfunctioning nuclear reactor.

The administration hopes they can turn things around by passing some massively popular legislation, like a federal takeover of elections or mandated Pfizer drugs for all.

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EDITOR NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Biden Recounts Time He Was Arrested At A Civil Rights Protest For Wearing A White Hood

ATLANTA, GA—In a stirring speech in Atlanta this week, Biden recounted the time he was heroically arrested at a civil rights protest simply for wearing a white hood.

“There I was, outside a school protesting against school integration with my best pal KKK member Robert Byrd, and the cops were escorting black kids into the school,” said Biden. “And then I said ‘You won’t turn my school into a racial jungle! I’m gonna wrap this chain around your head!’ And then the cops arrested me and escorted me to their police car and bought me Burger King. It was delicious. Build Back Better! Universal mail-in voting! Yay!”

The audience seemed confused until several Democrat leaders instructed the audience to clap and cheer.

“Yay! Build Back Better! Universal mail-in voting!” they all cheered.

Biden’s address has been hailed in the media as a “powerful call to America to be on the right side of history” and “a totally not racist speech.”

Democrats have instructed black leaders to instruct black people that whatever the 80-year-old white racist said in his speech was a “good thing” and they should fully support it if they want “liberation and equality and all that stuff.”

Republicans pounced on the speech, likely because they’re racist.


Chris Smitherson has a problem: he’s unvaccinated — which means he’s left out of all activities as he doesn’t have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

10 Upcoming Fabricated Media Narratives For 2022

Fake news is a common problem these days. We can’t begin to tell you how many times “experts” tricked us into believing Nancy Pelosi had real eyebrows over the past year. This year looks to be as confusing as ever, so we must stay on guard for blatant lies perpetuated by the mainstream media.

To help you get ahead of the curve, keep in mind these ten upcoming fabricated media narratives in 2022.

1) The vaccine didn’t work. Here’s why that’s actually a good thing: They’ll explain it all in a very brilliant NYT op-ed.

2) Most greenhouse gasses are produced by people complaining about high gas prices: This is all your fault, you ingrate. Stop complaining!

3) Rand Paul only criticizes Fauci because he can’t date him: Just look at the way Rand Paul looks into those beady little eyes. He’s clearly in love.

4) Botched eyebrow lifts are really a sign of stunning bravery: Would you have the courage to walk out of the house like that? Didn’t think so.

5) Climate change is inflicting the equivalent of twelve January 6ths on our democracy every day: Actually, this one is probably true. Greenhouse gases do tend to wander around buildings aimlessly and be almost completely harmless.

6) Companies relocating from California to Texas are transphobic: Why else would people leave California?

7) Inflation actually reverses climate change: Great news! Bring on the inflation!

8) Gov. DeSantis is the cause of all hurricanes: He uses his secret weather machine. What a jerk!

9) The skyrocketing crime rate is the fault of the unvaccinated: To be fair, everything is the fault of the unvaccinated.

10) Afghanistan has become a beautiful, egalitarian utopia: Look! They’re letting women be suicide bombers too!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Nation Observes 0 Seconds Of Silence To Read The Names Of Those Killed By Trump Supporters On January 6th

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Following President Biden’s speech yesterday, the nation observed a moment of silence lasting exactly 0 seconds long as they read the names of those who suffered death at the hands of supporters of former President Donald J. Trump.

Vice President Kamala Harris thanked Biden for his bold speech and took to the podium to announce the moment of silence. An intern then reverently handed her a folded piece of paper.

Several media pundits watched as Harris carefully unfolded the paper and stared at it blankly for a moment before waving the intern back. The vice president could be heard whispering, “This is blank.”

Kamala Harris then cackled wildly and said, “Thank you. This is a somber day.” before slinking back into the shadow from whence she came.

Biden returned to the podium to thank President Harris for her fine work on the border. “Kelloramatap. Pollinwaffle.” he added with tears in his eyes.

MSNBC’s Joy Reid later said of the event, “So many people must have died that she couldn’t bear to read it. Truly shocking. I’m more encouraged than ever to hate white people.”

Rep. Adam Schiff of California was quick to point out that just because no one actually “died” doesn’t mean Trump didn’t “kill” them.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

AOC Lays Wreath At Her Grave On January 6th

BRONX, NY—United States Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez visited Woodlawn Cemetery this morning to grieve in quiet dignity at her own grave on the 1-year anniversary of her death on January 6. She was seen openly weeping and tearing her clothes by the photo crew she brought with her.

AOC, who was killed in the Capitol’s House Chamber by murderous Trump supporters, left a wreath where her body had been peacefully laid to rest. Though she made no official statements, eyewitness testimony claims she “looked mournfully off into the distance” as if contemplating the fleeting brevity of life.

“She just looked so brave and helpless,” said Jim Acosta from the scene. “I could see that she was clearly hurting. I don’t know how she gets up in the morning, especially since she’s already dead. What a fighter.”

Once her camera crew confirmed they had several good shots, she wiped her eyes, slowly walked to her brand-new Tesla, and drove off—leaving a crew of professional mourners in her wake.

Visitors to the cemetery are advised to socially distance and mask up while mourning the loss of America’s greatest congresswoman. For those mourning remotely, a contribution can be made to AOC’s 2022 campaign.

RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE COLUMN: Reminder: We Must Resist The Commercialization Of January 6 And Remember Trump Is The True Reason For The Season

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Businesses Now Requiring Positive COVID Test As Proof Of Vaccination

U.S.–American businesses are now requiring employees to test positive for COVID before beginning their workday, since catching COVID is now the best way to prove you’ve been vaccinated.

The new self-imposed mandates come hot on the heels of President Biden threatening to maybe require it among federal employees at some arbitrary point in the future possibly.

Dr. Anthony Fauci has applauded the businesses for the new approach. “You know, since the vaccine has been so perfect, but ineffectual, this will enable people to take advantage of natural immunity as if it were a sort of booster shot. I think the sooner we all get sick the better because it’ll really bump up that vaccine efficacy.”

“We do still recommend masks, though,” he added.

California governor Gavin Newsom has picked up on the new trend and doubled down with a new requirement that all Californians be forcibly infected by a legion of transients. The new program is expected to create millions of jobs.


We’re live on the scene at the Capitol building as the FBI hosts their beloved annual January 6 reunion. Good times!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

10 Reasons Remote Learning Is So Much Better For Children

Let us rejoice, for teachers unions have once again rallied to protect the futures of vulnerable children by demanding months of remote learning.

If you are too ignorant to see how beneficial remote learning can be for your school-aged children, then let us blow you away with these facts:

1) It prepares them for life as adult drones staring at screens for hours: Experts agree, the one thing children need more of is screen time.

2) It will definitely not lead to a mental health crisis and surging suicides like it did last time: Additionally, it is sure to stop the spread of COVID-19, THIS TIME.

3) Face-to-face interaction sometimes leads to free thinking: We are well aware of the dangers caused by free thinking, aren’t we comrade?

4) Slight reduction in wedgies: Incessant bullying will be limited to older brothers.

5) It’s easier for the teacher to hide a Bloody Mary in her can of Diet Coke: And the little brats will stop asking why she smells like booze.

6) Representatives from the teachers union stopped by with some very convincing points: A few points included lead pipes and shattered patellas.

7) It didn’t work last time, and why change what didn’t work?: This is the official motto of the U.S. Department of Education.

8) The perfect transition to homeschooling: Plus, it will usher in traditional family structure as women are forced to abandon the workforce.

9) Eases kids into eventually being plugged into the matrix: It’s inevitable, but at least the steak will taste nice and you’ll know Kung Fu.

10) Fewer Chicago kids will get shot on their way to school: Actually, this one makes sense.

RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE COLUMN: Here Is The Chicago Teachers Union’s List Of 9 Demands Before They Return To Teaching

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Trump Sneaks Back On Twitter By Disguising Self As PR Rep For Chinese Communist Party

U.S.—Donald Trump was permanently banned from Twitter today, being a crazy fringe extremist who also happens to be the president of the United States.

But the ever-clever Trump, always known as the smartest man in the room, has managed to get back on the social network by disguising himself as one Chongald Xrump, PR specialist for the Chinese Communist Party.

Trump is reportedly attempting to build a following by tweeting about how good Uighur concentration camps are and how nice the Chinese government is, since those things are not banned under Twitter’s terms of service. Once he has enough followers, he’ll remove his Asian rice hat and false Fu Manchu mustache and begin tweeting about the rigged election once again.

“Hello good sirs, I am here today to tell you how great our concentration camps are! Very clean and humane!” he wrote. The tweet was not flagged for inciting violence or being, you know, the tweet of a communist country that has killed tens of millions of its own citizens. In fact, people who replied and questioned the legitimacy of his tweet were suspended for hate speech.

Should his ploy fail, Trump says he will next try disguising himself as an Antifa leader.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

Unvaccinated Man Feeling Left Out As All His Vaccinated Friends Have COVID

CLEVELAND, OH—Local unvaccinated man Chuck Dornley is feeling very left out this holiday season, as all his vaccinated friends have now contracted COVID.

“Maybe I should have just gotten vaccinated,” said Dornley. Then I’d have COVID like everyone else and I and my vaccinated friends would have something to talk about. Now I’m all by myself feeling healthy. Such a bummer!”

Dornley said to reporters that he also felt left out several months ago when he got COVID himself, and everyone was calling him a “grandma killer.” He hopes that once everything gets back to normal, he can go back to feeling left out for being a Cleveland Browns fan.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights reserved.

The Babylon Bee’s Top Predictions For 2022

It’s that time of year again—when the infallible prophets at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2022 be better than this year? You decide!

Here is a definitive list of things that will happen in 2022:

January 1 – USPS will deliver your Christmas package

January 6 – Second insurrection attempt canceled

January 20 – Pfizer unveils booster shots 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8

January 21 – Men break every record ever held by women

January 22 – Harvard gender studies professor discovers five new pronouns

January 23 – The Babylon Bee discovers a 3rd conservative joke

January 25 – Obama releases another memoir

January 27 – Mark Zuckerberg finally learns how to smile with his eyes

February 1 – WHO runs out of Greek letters for variants and starts naming them after the Muppets

February 2 – Jan 6th committee finally catches your Grandma

February 26 – China officially annexes United States

March 1 – Bill Clinton plants the flag on brand new Epstein Island

March 3 – Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up Mars

March 10 – Obama releases yet another new memoir

March 25 – Meat is outlawed, replaced with delicious bugs instead

April 1 – AOC red-pilled after reading an economics book

April 19 – Man dressed as woman hailed as first woman to not complain about being cold

May 5 – Hollywood studio announces all-female reboot of Ghostbusters: Afterlife 

May 10 – Firefly renewed for 12 new seasons. Unfortunately, it’s written by the writers of the 2nd season of Ted Lasso

June 6 – AOC tweets something dumb

August 15 – The only child to be named “Brandon” for the entire year is born

September 5 – Jen Psaki becomes Ben Psaki

October 8 – Obama releases new memoir

October 11 – Ted Cruz finally gets to spend a week in Cancun

November 17 – Republicans bravely squander control of Congress

December 10th – You still can’t get your hands on a PS5

December 25 – Christmas will occur on this day

December 27 – Obama releases new memoir

December 30 – Ghislaine Maxwell’s black book leaked, will be released in January

December 31 – Jesus returns

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Gavin Newsom Named U-Haul Salesperson Of The Year

SACRAMENTO, CA—U-Haul has named Governor Gavin Newsom its Salesperson of the Year for the third year in a row after a record-setting sales quarter.

“We are astounded by the growth we’ve seen in California,” said U-Haul’s Western Regional Director Fennick Buggstein. “Thanks to Gavin Newsom, literally every middle-class family has moved out of the state! It’s been impossible to keep up with demand! Also, most of our workers left the state too, which kind of stinks.”

In their second-quarter earnings statement, U-Haul revealed their sales on the West Coast have increased over 37,000% as every human with a pulse and marginal desire for a better life has packed up all their worldly belongings and chosen to leave for greener pastures in a giant U-Haul truck.

“We are deeply grateful to Gavin for our success in 2021,” said Buggstein. “The only problem now is that we’re all out of trucks. And no one is willing to drive a U-Haul back to California. And I’m leaving with my family as well. So I guess this is it! Bye everyone!” Buggstein then jumped in the last U-Haul with his family and took off for Texas.

Congrats to Gavin Newsom!

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

In Retrospect, Woman Attending Communist-Themed Party Should Have Realized There Wouldn’t Be Any Food

SEATTLE—Edmina Romanov fasted all day so she wouldn’t have to worry about calories at her friend’s Communist-themed party, but it was all for naught because no food was offered at the authentic commie get-together.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got egg on my face,” said Romanov. “I mean not really. I wish I did. I’m so hungry.”

“But think of the weight you will lose, comrade!” joked the party’s host, Larry Bolshevik. “Come! Let us play ‘Arrest the Lienz Cossack.’”

Another guest of the party, Natasha Summers, didn’t understand why Romanov was so upset. “There’s plenty of food if you know where to look for it,” she said. “I found a perfectly good dog in the backyard.”

According to sources, there was some bread earlier in the evening, but Romanov arrived fashionably late and missed out on the morsel.

Though admittedly disappointed, Romanov is planning to go to next month’s Communist gathering since they promised there will be food this time. “A true Communist party hasn’t been thrown yet,” she said.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

The Babylon Bee Presents: Top CNN Moments Of 2021

2021 was a banner year for CNN! For 12 long months, we looked to their fake news coverage for guidance, clarity, and above all, laughs. Let’s take a look back at some of CNN’s biggest stories of the year!


January 7: CNN Gravely Reports On ‘First Violent Protest In Recent Memory’

It was a dark, dark, very dark day for democracy. Our country had never seen anything like it ever before. CNN courageously broke the story…


January 21: CNN Praises Biden For Causing Sun To Rise In East This Morning

The day after Biden’s inauguration, CNN heralded the dawning of a new day in America. Read the article for a trip down memory lane…


May 17: CNN Hires Trump As News Anchor To Recover Lost Viewers

What do you do when ratings are plummeting? Call Trump, that’s what! Now, CNN’s ratings are fantastic. Best ratings of all time, maybe ever.


July 22: CNN Airs Hour-Long PSA On Warning Signs Of Dementia

Do you remember this CNN town hall? Neither do we. Neither does Biden. Sad!


August 14: CNN Praises Taliban For Wearing Masks During Attack

In one fateful night, the Taliban took back Afghanistan, ushering in a new reign of terror. But hey– they wore masks! CNN praised them for their great example.


September 4: Biden’s Approval Rating Among CNN Employees Sinks To All-Time Low Of 98%

That’s down from their previous low of 100%.


November 1: CNN Anchors All Poop Pants On Air To Show It’s Perfectly Normal

Remember when Biden pooped his pants in front of the Pope? CNN put a stop to all the mockery by pooping their pants in solidarity with the President.


November 19: Rittenhouse, Sandmann Agree To Share Joint Custody Of CNN

With Nick Sandmann settling his defamation lawsuit against CNN and Rittenhouse preparing his own, these two young men will have to share custody.


November 24: CNN Reports On ‘Deadly Boat Accident’ At Pearl Harbor

Just like the Waukesha deadly SUV accident.


December 16: CNN Quietly Resets ‘Days Since An Employee Committed A Sex Crime’ Counter Back To Zero

Well… next year’s a fresh start, right?

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

Study: Most Kids Become Transgender Within 1 Hour Of Unsupervised Netflix Time

U.S.—A study has discovered a correlation between unsupervised Netflix viewing and transgender identification among children. Experts were quick to point out that this was “just fine” and any concerned parents were transphobic.

“Several test subjects ranging in age from 3 to 12 were given unsupervised access to a Netflix profile,” explained child psychology expert, Dr. Ian Phile. “Approximately 80% of the subjects began identifying as the opposite gender within one hour of screen time, with another 10% creating entirely new genders that will have to be added to the International Registry of Genders we manage with a supercomputer.”

He went on to explain that it was all very technical and more grant money would be needed to conduct similar studies on Amazon Prime Video and Hulu. “Please give me more money,” he added.

Sources indicate children who exited the study with their biological genders intact had been watching episodes of VeggieTales.

At publishing time, Netflix conducted their own follow-up study and confirmed the earlier results were “transphobic nonsense” and that subscribers should tune in for a new Cocomelon episode that “definitely doesn’t have a child drag show in it.”

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

7 Alarming Omicron Symptoms

We thought we were out of the woods, and that maybe we could enjoy the holidays, but we were wrong. Omicron is upon us, and it is the deadliest plague humanity has ever faced. You probably won’t survive. And if you find yourself having any of these Omicron symptoms, you will definitely die. Sorry!

1) Heartburn: If you find yourself with heartburn after eating pizza or onion rings, you probably have Omicron. Been nice knowin’ ya.

 2) Sneezing: Omicron is a perfect killing machine designed to replicate itself by inducing sneezes in the host. Diabolical.

3) Your bones make that weird cracking sound when you get out of a chair: It’s the end of the line for you.

4) Being left-handed: To be fair, is life even worth living if you’re left-handed?

5) The sun looks bright when you stare directly at it: President Trump proved he was extremely healthy and Omicron-free when he stared at the sun for several minutes unfazed.

6) Mild soreness after vigorous exercise: Oh no! Also, please sanitize your workout equipment. You may be dead soon, but you don’t have to take us with you.

7) Existential dread: Thankfully, this can be cured with a visit to church, a nap, or a burrito. Unless you die of Omicron first.


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Legions of people that wear an UnMask refuse to wear anything else. Try an UnMask and you’ll never wear anything else either. Each UnMask is proudly designed and made right here in the USA.

Try an UnMask and save 20% at www.getunmask.com/bee – Use the code BEE20 at checkout.


EDITORS NOTE:  This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.