First 12 Things Trump Will Do When He Inevitably Returns To Power

The prophets have long whispered of the return of ULTRA-MAGA King Trump. In faith, we know that his return is inevitable and that he will soon reclaim the presidency and set right what has gone awry.

Here are the first 12 things Trump will do when he returns to power:

  1. Spray Febreze on the Oval Office curtains to get the old man smell out: Step one to draining the swamp is giving it a flowery scent.
  2. Make Pelosi wear a sweater on the beach: I mean, really.
  3. Welcome back Mike Pence, just to tell him he’s fired: It’ll be the highest ratings for a single episode of The Apprentice. Maybe ever.
  4. Invade Afghanistan so he can show how much better he would be at withdrawing from Afghanistan: He’s been dreaming about this one every night when he goes to sleep.
  5. Finish building that wall, but make Hunter Biden pay for it: Hunter will borrow from Joe, who will borrow from China. 4D chess!
  6. Make everything at the dollar store $1 again: And abolish the Fed.
  7. Sneak out of the Oval Office for a quick 9 holes: Trump needs to keep his golf skills sharp so he can challenge Putin to a match for the fate of Russia.
  8. Bring back the McRib: And make it permanent this time!
  9. Find Osama Bin Laden’s body and kill him again: USA! USA! USA!
  10. Declare total infinity immunity with no take-backs: Should put an end to congressional witch hunts.
  11. Put Dr. Fauci in the stocks in the National Mall so everyone can throw cabbage at him: Somewhere up there Samuel Adams is drunkenly smiling.
  12. Buy Greenland and make Mexico pay for it: And then drill for oil like there’s no tomorrow.


Biden Disappointed To Learn That Pink Hair Doesn’t Smell Like Strawberry

Father Of 9 Elon Musk Admits He’s Only Going To Mars To Get Some Peace And Quiet

Study Finds 92% Of Californians Who Flee The State Don’t Survive First Winter

Local Friends Have Now Communicated For 8 Months Straight Using Only Steve Carell GIFs

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

2 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *