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Never Judge a [Young Adult] Book by its Cover

“…But it seems one mustnt judge [books] by th outside. This is a puzzlin world.” —Mr. Tulliver, The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot

Never judge a book by its cover is a commonly used idiom of the English language adapted from George Eliot’s fictional account of one Jeremy Tulliver in the 1860 novel The Mill on The Floss.

brandi chambless

Brandi Chambless

More than ever, Mr. Tulliver’s words ring true. We live in a puzzling world, one of the toughest assignments of all being the departing of wisdom into teenagers who basically have a foreign media-based world order that looks nothing like we Moms and Dads could have ever fathomed as teenagers ourselves.

In light of this communication quandary, I cannot tell you the joy I felt in prying the Wii remote from my teenager’s crusty little fingers in order to deliver the experience of an event that would actually resemble something from the former world order I once knew where he would encounter this once highly popular printed object known as a book.  This was going to be one life-transforming event as far as I was concerned:  Texas Teen Book Festival here we come!

Because of the rush of whetting my son’s appetite for my love of reading or ANYTHING other than the lobotomy-robotomy media addiction that we Mamas battle with our kids, I never considered that the book festival would actually offer material used to entice the sexual appetite of young adult readers, yet that is exactly what I found in the content of almost ALL of the featured authors and panelists.

For instance, take Jenny Han for example, whose writings can be purchased online in Amazon’s dating and sex section just in case you missed the festival.  These are reminiscent of the old Harlequin romances minus the cheesy Fabio cover art, perfect for any 13 year old.  The overarching theme teaches that boys cannot be trusted, but once a fire is lit, the only thing you can do is let it burn.

Or perhaps, you may be interested in assisting your teen in how to find their very own truth, but you don’t exactly have the right words.  Why then, very simply, you can make an easy purchase of Aaron Hartzler’s Rapture Practice which not only features the how-to on his one-way ticket to salvation, including a full-scale rebellion from the upbringing afforded to him by two “overly loving” parents who actually forced him to wear socks when he didn’t want to and had the audacity to bake precious little tomb cakes every Easter with coconut grass. Is it any wonder he felt the need to consistently buck authority and finally overcome this hell to write tell-most books, all the while disciplining younglings in the art of rebellion and losing their faith?

You can also purchase Hartzler’s fictionalized account of the Steubenville rape case featured in his masterpiece entitled What We Saw when Stacey Stallard didn’t handle her alcohol very well. Hey, he is critically acclaimed, so why would anyone think twice about making him the moderator of such an event with thousands of impressionable ears?

And my personal favorite of all is Jesse Andrew’s New York Times Bestseller Me and Earl and the Dying Girl that has been compared to the John Green novel The Fault in Our Stars.  A delightfully touching forward is provided so no Mom would think twice about the benefits of making this purchase.

The onliest “Fault”of author John Green was his failure to include in The Fault in Our Stars account the actual MULTIPLE pornographic accounts of teaching teenagers the art of oral sex and how it can be improved with the use of Heinz 57. Oh, are you offended?  Yes, I was too. Quite. The “Earl” book is FILLED with material so shocking I am unable to quote it here. Earl and Fault are not even in the same ballpark.

Because agents are encouraging writers everywhere to sex it up with salacious compilations in hopes of boosting sales, I urge Moms to take action and contact planning committees of upcoming festivals and library events to let them know you expect the very best selections of authors for young impressionable minds:

North Texas Teen Book Festival, April 23, 2016 coming soon.  Mamas, Grandmothers, Dads and Grandpas everywhere, please email northtexasteenbookfestival@gmail.com.