U.S.—Leading Democrats are pushing for unity in our nation, and they’ve found a new way to implement the unity in a mandatory way: “Unity Camps,” special institutions designed to teach and train Republicans to unify. “There’s nothing that’ll make Republicans want unity more than a nice, relaxing stay in one of our Unity Camps,” said […]
U.S.—Very legitimate President-elect Joe Biden assured all Americans in his victory speech last Saturday night that the elections held nationwide were “mostly legitimate.” His comments come as a rebuke to those who were saying totally baseless things about voter fraud, illegal ballots being counted, and poll workers counting ballots in a boarded-up building with no […]
In the latest effort to defeat fascism once and for all, Democrat operatives have begun to compile a list of people who disagree with them politically so they can destroy their lives forever. “These undesirables must be held accountable,” said AOC, Biden’s new Secretary of Holding Fascists Accountable. “They are complicit in all the fascist […]
U.S.—Angered at President Donald Trump’s apparent loss, the president’s psychotic supporters took to the streets to drive to work and go about their lives as normal. Crowds of Trump supporters were seen just kinda doing the same old thing they always do, not burning down any buildings or assaulting anyone or tipping over statues. The […]
U.S.—After a concerning spike in votes for Trump occurred on election night, experts are calling for 15 days of counting to flatten the curve of votes for the “wrong candidate.” While some scientists recommended just letting the votes for Trump be counted fairly until we all achieve herd immunity to Trump, others said we need […]
NEW YORK, NY—Fox News has called Arizona for Joe Biden after just one vote was counted. The voter, Bob Johnson, was administered an exit poll, and he said, “Yep. I love Joe Biden. Might as well call the state for him now.” Immediately, Fox News reporters called the news desk, which made the call to […]
BEIJING—Early on Election Day, news outlets are already reporting that all precincts in Beijing China have been called for Democrat Joe Biden. CNN has assured the public that the voting was free and fair and that the will of the people in the People’s Republic of China was loud and clear. “We know that Chinese […]
U.S.—Business owners in Democrat-controlled cities are boarding up in preparation for an onslaught of mostly peaceful demonstrations should Trump win the election Tuesday. The real concern is that the party of love and tolerance loses the election. “We just want to make sure our businesses will be safe from the sudden outpouring of peace, love, […]
The only thing more horrifying than zombies: woke opinions. In this terrifying Halloween special, people with bizarre, woke opinions leap out of bushes and terrorize you in your workplace to scream their insane beliefs at the top of their lungs. Put the kids to bed before you watch this one! If you want more […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey was summoned to the Senate’s hearing on Big Tech today, but he was tripping on acid with the spider-monkeys off the southern coast of St. Bart’s, so he quickly called up his office and had his people hire a homeless man hanging out in front of Twitter’s headquarters to fill in […]
THE BRONX, NY—AOC blasted election officials this week after discovering that people were actually waiting in line to vote rather than to receive bread from the government. According to sources, people are sometimes waiting up to 2 hours at polling stations, but are able to get bread within 5 minutes due to America’s evil capitalist […]
Want to know who’s going to run in every presidential election for the next few decades? Follow along with the BNN news team as Dr. Malcolm Farnsworth unveils his election prediction machine and tells us who’s going to run for president. The results are not pretty. SCIENCE! WATCH: If you want more bizarre animated videos […]
AUSTIN, TX—To the relief of Texans across the state, Governor Greg Abbott has signed a law prohibiting escaping Californians from voting after they move to Texas. Experts say this will prevent the happy and prosperous slice of heaven from sliding into the endless despair and crushing poverty of leftist policy. “Yeah, all you weirdo Californians […]
NASHVILLE, TN—Tonight’s final presidential debate got off to a bit of a rough start for Joe Biden. When the debate began, and the two candidates walked toward their respective podiums, Biden looked over and noticed that President Trump was carrying his son Hunter’s laptop. Sweat dripped from Biden’s brow as he answered the opening question. […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden is being criticized for buying votes after he unveiled a new plan to give anyone who votes for him a seat on the Supreme Court. “Anyone who votes for me will be appointed to the highest court in the land,” he said in a speech Monday to seven riveted rally attendees. “One vote […]