Entries by The Babylon Bee

Democrats Proudly Introduce The ‘Raise Gas Prices Even Higher And Make More Kids Trans’ Bill

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With midterm elections fast approaching, Democrats are rushing to pass key elements of their legislative agenda before they’re voted out of office in November. To serve that goal, Democrats proudly unveiled the “Raise Gas Prices Even Higher And Make More Kids Trans” bill on the steps of the Capitol this morning. “We […]

Disaster After Impractical Jokers Get A Hold Of Biden’s Cheat Sheet

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The famed Impractical Jokers comedy quartet managed to get access to President Biden’s cheat sheet today, quickly plunging the nation into chaos. The Jokers fell on the floor laughing as they made Biden do increasingly outlandish things. “Okay, start with a card saying ‘YOU pick HER nose,” said James Murray, cackling as Biden took […]

Uh-Oh: World Economic Forum Banner Slips, Revealing HYDRA Logo

GENEVA — The World Economic Forum experienced a major blunder during a recent symposium when the institution’s banner slipped, revealing the tentacled HYDRA logo. The blooper occurred during a symposium in which a small number of elite intellectuals discussed enslaving and depopulating the earth as a humane method for reducing climate change. Attendees initially felt […]

21 Greatest Benefits Of Becoming A Dad

Fathers are the forgotten heroes of this world. Mothers get all the glory (and with good reason!) but there are still some great benefits to being a dad. For example, free hugs whenever you want! Brought to you by: Dad Saves America.  Here are more great benefits for your consideration: Each one has a […]

Dems Pause January 6 Hearings To Call For Insurrection

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Democrats have temporarily pushed pause on the January 6th hearings in order to lead an insurrection against the federal government. “On January 6th, a branch of our federal government was almost overthrown because politicians used dangerous rhetoric that caused – wait, hold on everyone, I just got the update. Roe‘s been overturned!” said […]

10 Times Socialism Actually Worked

Bernie Sanders famously said that “real” socialism has never been tried. Frankly, we’re shocked he would ever suggest such a thing because there are numerous examples of real socialist utopias that we have to pull from. Here are just a few: 1) Star Trek’s Federation of Planets: There’s no money, but people still work for some […]

Tampon Supply Shortage Solved By Emptying Out Tampons In The Men’s Bathrooms

U.S.—Americans are facing yet another basic necessity shortage under the Biden Administration. This time a tampon shortage has struck the nation and caused many women to wonder what they will do when they run out of their essential feminine product. “Hey, I have an idea to address the shortage,” said one state official. “Why don’t we just empty […]

Scholars Now Think ‘6.66’ In Revelation Refers To Price Of Gas In The End Times

GENEVA—This week, a panel of Bible scholars issued a joint statement clarifying that the Mark of the Beast is actually “$6.66”—the price of gas at the end of latter days. “Deeper study has revealed that we were misreading this passage—it’s not 666 or 616, it’s $6.66 for your basic Unleaded Petroleum Gasoline!” French Bible scholar Pierre LeGault […]

Science Tests Positive For COVID

WORLD—The world is in disbelief today upon hearing the news that Dr. Fauci, also known as the living embodiment of SCIENCE itself, has come down with COVID. “How could this happen? What if SCIENCE dies? We’ll be lost! LOST WITHOUT SCIENCE!” cried Brian Stelter on CNN. “What does this mean? Is Fauci—blessings upon him—merely a […]

Study Shows Kids Who Are Homeschooled Could Miss Out On Opportunity To Be A Gay Communist

U.S.—Education experts are warning about the detrimental effects of homeschooling, as it may cause children to miss out on their opportunity to be gay communists. “The two essential roles of public education are to turn kids into communists, and then make them gay,” said AFL-CIO President Randi Weingarten. “If education fails to accomplish both of those […]