WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mitch McConnell felt bad for Nancy Pelosi after watching her get forced to impeach the president by the radical wing of her party, then impeach him and sit on the articles of impeachment for weeks. So, he decided to cheer her up a bit. McConnell had his staffers deliver Pelosi a shirt reading “I […]
About The Babylon Bee
What is The Babylon Bee?
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
Unlike other satire sites, everything we post is 100% verified by Snopes.com.
Who is behind The Babylon Bee?
Seth Dillon | CEO
Through a shady deal involving the NRA, the Russians, and the King James-only mafia, Seth Dillon acquired The Babylon Bee in 2018. He oversees all the business stuff, like making sure the lights stay on and working us all to the bone, making us write so much satire that our eyes begin to bleed as he cackles maniacally and dives into a vault of cash. He also writes a funny headline from time to time.
Kyle Mann | Editor in Chief
Kyle was created in an Orc spawning pit beneath the tower Orthanc near the end of the Third Age. Saruman the Many-Colored drew upon all his dark powers to imbue Kyle with the ability to write satire of semi-acceptable quality from time to time, and also pillage many small villages in Gondor. Kyle oversees and approves all content posted to the site and writes a good bit of it himself.
Ethan Nicolle | Creative Director
Ethan was accidentally created in a lab when some chemicals spilled on a copy of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, which was then struck by lightning. With his newfound superpowers, Ethan created Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and other stuff. Ethan is responsible for much of our creative visual content, such as photoshops and infographics. He also writes articles when we force him to at gunpoint.
Dan Dillon | CTO
In the early 1800s, two Geek Squad cars crashed into each other in a violent accident, and rising from the ashes was Dan Dillon. Part machine, part man, but 100% computer nerd. Dan handles all our tech stuff, which means he tells us to reboot our devices if they aren't working.
Frank Fleming | Senior Writer
Chris Cowan | Writer
David Fisher | Writer
Nate McMillan | Writer
David Barjuca | Graphic Designer
Michael Konynenbelt | Developer
Nico Leiva | Operations and Support Manager
Entries by The Babylon Bee
NEW YORK—In a tragic occurrence, the footage of Epstein’s suicide attempt was found hanging in its cell Friday in an apparent suicide. The footage reportedly strung itself up with a strip of cloth, hanged itself from the ceiling, and then shot itself three times in the back of the cassette. Shocked security guards found the footage […]
ATLANTA, GA—According to a report, as part of the settlement with Nick Sandmann, CNN hosts will be required to wear MAGA hats throughout every broadcast. “Let the punishment fit the crime,” counsel for Sandmann said as Don Lemon, Chris Cuomo, Anderson Cooper, and Wolf Blitzer all solemnly donned Make America Great Again caps. Hosts were […]
U.S.—President Trump’s approval rating among terrorists hit an all-time low today according to a CNN poll. This comes just days after he killed several of them. Of those surveyed, only six percent of terrorists–mostly white nationalists–said they approve of Trump’s performance. Of the 94 percent who disapproved, just half said they would like to see […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats desperately grasping at straws to find grounds to impeach and convict Trump announced Tuesday they are now regretting banning plastic straws. “We started grasping for straws but suddenly realized we had banned them a while back,” a downcast Nancy Pelosi told reporters. “We really should have seen this coming.” Many congresspeople keep straws […]
TEHRAN—Colin Kaepernick sent his workout video to Iran after learning they may have recently opened up a position but has yet to receive a phone call. Kaepernick condemned American attacks on Iranian terrorists last week, inciting rumors that he may have found a team interested in him in the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. But Iranian officials […]
WORLD—Terrorists and other enemies of America, including China, North Korea, and California, all agreed to lay down their arms as Jack Wilson was deployed abroad. After Wilson, the hero of the recent Texas church shooting, was named the leader of America’s military operations abroad, terrorists immediately surrendered, knowing they had very little chance. Wilson was […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Motion Picture Association of America has called on all filmmakers to place a mandatory Chris Pratt warning in front of all films featuring the actor. The warning will alert liberal viewers that they may be exposed to the acting performance of a man they might disagree with on at least a few issues, […]
U.S.—With campaign contributions down 30% in the last quarter, you might think it’s time for Elizabeth Warren to throw in the tomahawk. But not this brave Native American warrior! “After spending several minutes digging deep into my rich 1/1024th Cherokee heritage, and communing with my spirit animal –you know, like we genuine Indians do all […]
U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting. “We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.” […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—The dogs of San Francisco have announced a citywide cleanup initiative, in which the canines will carry little plastic bags with them wherever they go in order to clean up the massive dumps humans keep leaving on the sidewalk. The initiative is expected to freshen up the city significantly, ridding the sidewalk of […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Taking on a previously unregulated weapon, the federal government has instituted a five-day waiting period for all Nerf guns. “We decided it was time to act when we noticed how large the ammo is,” explained bureaucrat Joseph Clarkson. “The darts it fires are far larger than the average bullet, which must mean it’s a […]
We sit in the theatre, waiting, the air thick with anticipation and the smell of popcorn and broken dreams. There aren’t that many people, surprisingly. A few superfans are dressed up as obscure alien characters we don’t recognize. The movie comes on. It is a confusing CGI spectacle. The plot is unclear. We wonder why […]
For the second year in a row, The Babylon Bee is proud to present our coveted Christian of the Year award to Donald J. Trump. Each year since this award was conceived, which was last year, we recognize one Christian who stood head and shoulders above the rest, fighting for the gospel and defending the […]
We try to stay out of politics at The Babylon Bee, as your favorite unbiased Christian news source (but sometimes Ocasio-Cortez just makes it too easy). But we can’t hold it in any longer: in this stunning and brave editorial, our editorial board is now declaring that everyone in Washington must be removed from office. […]