Brought to you by: Woke Fragility (a parody!): Bringing Moderates to Heel Being “woke” is very important in order to show the world you’re a good person, and also to avoid having your entire life wrecked by a Twitter mob! In order to achieve success and respect from all the good woke people — which is […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has announced plans to retroactively impeach all previous Republican presidents. “We must spend our time working on important things, like impeaching all these presidents who aren’t in office anymore,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “It’s what the American people want.” Abraham Lincoln’s impeachment trial is expected to start Monday. Following his […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—While Impeachment is a beloved classic that was released in theatres a year ago, the short-awaited sequel Impeachment 2: The Reckoning is going to be released straight to DVD, sources confirmed Tuesday. Due to budgetary concerns and lack of interest, the movie will skip theatres and go straight to home video. The plot of the new […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a surprise announcement at the start of the week, President Biden revealed that, for the good of the country, he will be eliminating all jobs created by Trump. “Listen, folks– it’s time to wash away the mistakes of the past,” said Biden to a clump of bran in his cereal bowl he mistook […]
CHASKA, MN—Mike Lindell, more commonly known as the “MyPillow Guy,” is making headlines once again with his newest line of pillows. MyPillow is now targeting the socialist demographic with the release of OurPillow. “MyPillow did really well in the Trump era, but now with a new administration, it’s time to try out OurPillow, my comrades!” […]
U.S.—Democrat leaders around the country are declaring it is now safe to reopen since the federal government’s tests have come back negative for Trump. “The key indicator we were looking for before we could begin the reopening process was that Trump wasn’t president,” said Governor Gavin Newsom. “While we are at the worst point yet […]
GLASTONBURY, CT—An alternative social network dedicated to internet freedom is hoping to one day be big enough to be targeted and deplatformed by Big Tech. “Man, if we can get big enough to have all the other social networks, all the app stores, and even our internet host ban us from existence — well, that’s the […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after being sworn in Wednesday, January 20, 2021, Joe Biden looked down and saw his shadow, predicting just six weeks of being president of the United States. Biden briefly emerged from his basement to attend his inauguration, where he saw the shadow, declared he would be president for just six weeks, and then […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference Thursday, Press Secretary Jen Psaki was asked why Joe Biden was currently wandering around the room getting “a good whiff” of various female reporters’ hair. She deftly handled the question, promising to “circle back” to it before taking another question about which Ninja Turtle is Joe Biden’s favorite. “Yes, um, […]
Watch as Governor Newsom ends COVID lockdowns by joyfully shouting reopen to rows of abandoned, dilapidated buildings throughout California. EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved. Head on over to our YouTube channel and subscribe. You (probably) won’t regret it!
U.S.—Democrat-run states are now calling on the nation to follow the science by doing what Florida did back in May, opening their economies with reasonable precautions and protections for the vulnerable. The states are all now suggesting we begin reopening and that our economies cannot stay closed forever. They are calling this process “following the […]
U.S.—In what can only be described as a huge win for the Biden Administration’s COVID plan, CNN revealed this week that the total number of COVID deaths is actually going down. “This is really, uh, quite something,” said CNN anchor John King as the infamous COVID death counter rapidly ticked downward behind him. “Only a few […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Authorities in D.C. have erected a large 12-foot fence around the Capitol, which will be guarded by thousands of soldiers. A study has found that the majority of Americans support making the wall around the Capitol permanent to keep the politicians corralled in there. In spite of the precautions, many Americans are worried that […]
U.S.—With Trump cut off from his primary means of communication on Twitter, he has been forced to find creative ways to communicate with his supporters. Yesterday, people in D.C. reported seeing a column of black smoke rising from the white house lawn in a distinctive Morse code pattern. The pattern was later translated to mean […]
WILMINGTON, DE—President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress. “Our priority will be black, […]