Get your organs regenerated or your money back at the latest Clinton Foundation event.

The Clintons are back in Manhattan, baby.

Once again random celebrities, Orlando Bloom, Matt Damon, Patrick Dempsey, Karlie Kloss, will rub shoulders with random foreign leaders like Mia Mottlev, the Prime Minister of Barbados,

Irfaan Ali, the President of Guyana, Biden administration officials, the heads of nonprofits with made up titles like “intersectional environmentalist”, heads of UN agencies, New York Times reporters, professional humanitarians and shady foreign oligarchs. (Mostly the latter.)

Getting to the Midtown Manhattan Hilton may not be easy due to its proximity to the masses of illegal aliens clustering around hotels that have been turned into homeless shelters, but once there delegates to the Clinton Global Initiative 2023 will have the chance to be in the same room as Atiqul Islam, the Mayor of Dhaka, and Qween Jean, the founder of Black Trans Liberation, not to mention Ashley Judd, who hopefully will not beat each other to death with swag bags.

Six years ago, when CGI appeared to be deader than everyone who had witnessed the Clintons commit federal offenses, a comeback appeared to be impossible, but thanks to the boundless generosity of Google, Pfizer, the UAE’s DP World, the Rockefeller Foundation, the Waltons, and Alfonso Fanjul, the glorious triumphant resurrection of Bill, Hillary and Chelsea is upon us.

Wait, are you wondering who Alfonso Fanjul is? The Clintons have a lot of friends. Especially wealthy friends with foreign last names. The Fanjul family controls Domino Sugar, which benefits from government subsidies, and Alfonso was a co-chair of Bill’s 1992 campaign.

But let’s not dwell on Alfonso, when another CGI sponsor is the MEBO Group.

Originally known as the “Beijing Guangming Traditional Chinese Medicine Institute”, MEBO boasts that it is a “significant partner of the Clinton Foundation” and will launch “a new action commitment” to “take action to deal with global warming and climate crises.”

MEBO, according to its head, Kevin Xu, claims to be working on “techniques that would allow humans to endogenously regenerate their own organs in the similar way that invertebrate animals do” and notes that “some government officials are appointed for life, such as federal judges in the United States. These individuals could have a powerful influence on society if they were able to hold office for centuries, which might be possible with in situ organ regeneration.”

With organ regeneration, Hillary Clinton could spend an eternity in a living hell watching people who are not her be elected president every 4 years, but Bill Clinton might be more open to it.

But enough about shady foreign oligarchs.

The Clinton Global Initiative is back under its exciting new motto, ‘Keep Going’, and has managed to bring together Padma Lakshmi, Cindy McCain, Chelsea Clinton and Jen Psaki to save the planet. Also possibly Ukraine. (Although the planet may be easier to save.)

It would be a pity to ruin all that goodwill by asking about Domuschiev Impact which is listed as only one of two presenting groups. Wouldn’t it be better to report on Matt Damon’s thoughts on water (he’s for it) or the Pope’s thoughts on war (he’s against it) than to go asking inconvenient questions about the foreigners that the Clintons befriend and then drag along behind them.

Domuschiev appears to refer to Kiril Domuschiev, a Bulgarian tycoon, CGI board member and new best friend. Earlier this year, Bill Clinton stopped by Bulgaria (hasn’t everybody) in a big shindig where the U.S. ambassador got a copy of Clinton’s book, ‘My Life’ translated into the melodious Bulgarian, ‘Otkradnete Vsichko’, with Kiril Domuschiev in attendance.

Clinton told the audience that he will “always be proud to be the first American president to come here”. But why was Bill in Bulgaria? He was there by the invitation of the chairman of the Confederation of Industrialists and Employers: Kiril Domuschiev. The Domuschievs own media companies, ship building enterprises, a soccer club and possibly a badly aged former president. They also own Huvepharma, a livestock health company that is expanding in Nebraska.

But the Clinton Global Initiative isn’t about Chinese, Indian or Bulgarian oligarchs who just happen to be giving the Clintons a lot of money, it’s about listening to former model Christy Turlington talk about whatever she’s there to talk about and see how surprisingly well preserved Tony Blair looks and how Hillary Clinton still hasn’t bitten anyone an hour into the proceedings even though she keeps clenching her teeth and balefully glaring at Nicholas Kristof.

The Clintons had mastered turning nonprofits into the Emmys or at least the Golden Globe awards. The beautiful people are here and so are the strategically ugly people. There are women in hijabs and men in ten thousand dollar suits. Gov. Gavin Newsom is somewhere in the area if he wasn’t abducted and eaten by some of the hungry migrants outside. So is Gov. Whitmer who reportedly ate a few of the migrants when her lunch order was running late.

Why must we dwell on the fact that the supporting sponsors for CGI 2023 includes the Foundation Botnar? You don’t want to hear about the Botnar Foundation, do you? Why must we drag the noble name of a former president through the dust simply because he has the same class and standards when it comes to foreign money as Hunter Biden with an armful of crack pipes?

Alright, Octav Botnar was a wanted fugitive who fled the UK for Switzerland. He died in 1998, but not before taking center stage in helping Democrats and Israeli leftists finance a campaign against Prime Minister Netanyahu.

What is it with the Clintons and foreign criminals anyway?

Other people collect paintings of old ships or bearskin rugs, but Bill, Hillary and Chelsea keep distracting from their noble work of helping Matt Damon fight against water by hooking up with any foreign billionaire with a gleam in his eye and a loose checkbook.

The Clintons haven’t changed, but who thought they really would?

Behind the hype about the return of Tony Blair, the arrival of two Biden cabinet members, a former model, a former NBA player and a former president, the Clinton Global Initiative remains a shoddy foreign influence peddling operation for corporations and foundations that don’t have the class to just go to prison for sponsoring an all-ages drag show.

When you end up at the Clinton Global Initiative, it’s either because you’re a tacky foreign arriviste, a celebrity trying to seem serious before you’re too old to act, or a foreign leader who will show up to absolutely anything as long as there’s a camera… like Ukraine’s Zelensky.

In good news for Swiss and Bahama bankers, Hillary Clinton and Olena Zelenska, America’s most loathed lady and Ukraine’s first lady, have teamed up on the CGI Ukraine Action Network which sounds like a failed martial arts TV import from the 1990s, but is actually supposed to help the otherwise overlooked Ukrainian people who weren’t helped by anybody until now.

The Clintons are years late to the party. But they always are. Much like Nigerian scammers whose illiterate solicitation emails self-select the easiest marks, Clinton scams are so obvious that the only people who fall for them think that they’re the ones doing the scamming.

And maybe they are. In a ravenous ecosystem where the predators wear Prada, it’s hard to know who’s really ripping off whom. Only that the Clintons are probably the best at it.

At the Midtown Manhattan Hilton where hip-hop equity activists with funky hair rub shoulders with the leaders of Asians poverty NGOs that may not even exist, local politicians try to attract some favorable attention and foreign oligarchs claim that they can regenerate organs, truth is as nebulous as it was when Bill was being asked about having relations with that woman.

Teach girls in Afghanistan to code with satellites? Sure, why not. What about training formerly abused Somali women to grow sustainable marijuana? Sounds good. Or retraining former coal miners to fight climate change by blocking traffic in London? Let’s do it. It’s all made up, by me, but so is the program agenda at the Clinton Global Initiative and less creatively at that.

The Clinton Global Initiative is a magical fantasy propped up by Iranian, Indian and Bulgarian oligarchs, by the tawdry lure of the Clinton name, and by the fact that the masses of migrants flooding Manhattan still haven’t managed to overrun the steel and glass 54th Street Hilton.

Bill’s there, looking red and befuddled, Hillary’s there, gritting her teeth into a diamond hard smile, and Chelsea’s there, waiting for someone to be nice to her, knowing that this is all there is or will ever be. Like a 737 carrying a Commerce Secretary trying to land in Croatia, it’s all down from here. Getting the largest Medicaid managed care organization in the country or an Iranian video game tycoon to pony up is a very temporary balm for a future that already slipped away.

Once upon a time, Bill was going to be the new JFK, Hillary was going to be the first female president, and Chelsea was, well, going to be recognized unprompted by strangers on the street.

Now that’s all gone.

The party has moved on and all that’s left is a tawdry scam at a hotel so boring that not even Salvadorans want to invade and urinate over all its floors. The motto of CGI 2023 is ‘Keep Going’. That’s also the Clinton motto. After having failed out of the political system, they’re still going. Why? Revenge, high blood alcohol content, fear of irrelevance or desperate greed?

Like the celebrities who crowd CGI’s events, the Clintons can’t stop or people will forget them.

AUTHOR

DANIEL GREENFIELD

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